Unscripted Solicitation

"Really, why do they need to hire a Yorozuya to get rid of a bunch of monkeys?" Gintoki huffed from his sprawled position on his bed roll. "Why not Animal Control, huh? Did Animal control reject them? Was there a violent breakup? Did the hotel call us to make Animal Control jealous? What are we, some kind of rebound company?"

Shinpachi rubbed at his damp hair as he shut the shogi door behind him, sighing in exasperation. "It's an easy job and we get a free pass to the hot spring. Why are you complaining?"

"There's no Jump here!" Gintoki shouted, sitting up and slamming his fist down onto the mattress with a soft 'thwump'! "I checked the gift shop and they don't carry it! The train station is out, and that rundown shack of a gas station says they won't get it in 'til Saturday! What kind of resort doesn't sell Jump?!" he jumped to his feet and began to pace the room as Shinpachi fought the urge to rap his head soundly against the wall.

"They're trying to turn us into zombies!" Gintoki wailed, throwing his hands up in the air. "Brain-dead, duty-bound, corporate zombies! We'll be compelled to wear ties and carry briefcases, and we'll forget all about victory, honor, and friendship, the three values Jump instills in us! They're stealing our values!"

"What values?! And how are we turning into zombies?!" Shinpachi yelled back. "Besides, we'll be done tomorrow and back in Edo by Friday, so there's still plenty of time to pick up this week's Jump. Hell, it won't even break our checkbook this time 'cus we'll be right off a job. Why don't you just go enjoy the hot spring like a normal person? God knows when we'll have the money to come to a nice place like this again."

Gintoki pouted for a minute before muttering, "Don't wanna get attacked by the zombies..."

"There aren't any zombies!"

Expression turning contemplative, Gintoki watched as Shinpachi sat down on his own bedroll. "Where are Kagura and your sister?"

"Probably still in the hot spring," Shinpachi said as he continued to rub at his head with a towel, "or in their room. I just hope that Kagura-chan doesn't get on 'neesan's nerves too much. We don't have the money to pay for any more damages."

Gintoki hummed and wandered over to hover over Shinpachi. "So they won't be in here again tonight?"

Shinpachi stopped toweling his head and stared suspiciously up at Gintoki. "I can't imagine why they'd come in here this late at night. Why?"

"Good." said Gintoki.

And then he kissed him.

Shinpachi had always heard that people's minds went, blank when they were kissed passionately out of the blue. Shinpachi's first most immediate thought was,

'Can't breathe!'

Gintoki purred loudly as he was pushed back violently. "What's wrong? I know you want this."

"And how-" Shinpachi panted, swiping furiously at his mouth even as a brilliant flush engulfed his face, "-would you know that?"

The wide smirk that nearly split Gintoki's face reminded Shinpachi deeply of a hungry fox about to close in on its prey. A cold chill ran up his spine, and he backed away even as Gintoki moved forward to hiss, "I saw you."

Shinpachi gasped as Gintoki took his earlobe between his teeth and nibbled before his brain caught up with him and he staggered frantically back until he hit the wall. The blush had moved to engulf his entire body, and he tugged subconsciously at his suddenly too revealing robe.

"Wh-wh-wh-wh-" he stammered, taking great, gulping breaths, "-what do you m-mean? Saw wh-wh-what?" He was sure that his eyes were so wide they were larger than his glasses by this point, but he couldn't help himself. This was Gin-san here, lazy, passive, crazy Gin-san, who all of a sudden had him pressed up against a wall and was doing things to him he'd only seen the one time he had put one of Otae's "special" tapes into the VHS by mistake.

Gintoki's smirk grew impossibly wider, and Shinpachi found that he couldn't tear his eyes away from Gin-san's lips. The thought that those lips were going to eat him briefly crossed his mind, and he was mildly surprised to find it wasn't an altogether unpleasant thought.

"I visited your house a few months back, just to drop in and say hello." Gintoki drawled, crawling gradually over on all fours. Shinpachi's eyes finally left Gin-san's mouth to stare the pale, creamy chest that was being exposed by the movement, and gulped loudly.

"Otae-san was out somewhere, so I thought I'd take a look around, maybe borrow some Bargain Dash," he continued, sitting up and pressing his hands against the wall on either side of Shinpachi's head, "but you were there." Gintoki's face was inches from Shinpachi's at this point, and pinning the younger boy to the floor with his eyes, he finished lowly, "Beating a solo on the meat flute."

Shinpachi had a moment where he was genuinely confused, before the innuendo finally sank in and he felt his entire head turn red.

"Wh-wh-wha-wh-wh-wh-" all he could do was stammer in some strange mixture of fear, embarrassment, nervousness, and something else he couldn't describe, but was pretty sure had to do with the fact that Gintoki's head was now resting lightly on his shoulder, and his had slipping inside Shinpachi's yukata to run slow circles across his chest.

"'Gin-san, more Gin-san'." Gintoki moaned sensually in his ear, brushing his thumb across Shinpachi's nipple, causing the boy to gasp and jump slightly. "'It feels sooooo good, oh, faster Gin-san'."

Shinpachi wasn't sure what he should be concentrating on at this point; the fact that Gintoki had apparently found out about his infatuation with the other man, or the fact that the man was apparently attracted to him too, at least on some level. The thought that Gin-san might just be pulling some sick prank on him briefly crossed his mind, but was quickly chased out as Gintoki began to nibble his way down Shinpachi's earlobe.

"So what do you say, Shinpachi-kuuuuun?" he drew the honorific out in what bordered between a growl and a moan. "Wanna find out just how good it feels? I'll be gentle, promise."

It was about this point that the reserve power was flipped on inside Shinpachi's head, and all of a sudden he realized just where this was about to go.

"Wa-wait a second!" he cried, bracing his hands on Gintoki's shoulders. He dislodged Gintoki's hand on his chest in the process, and briefly bemoaned the loss. "We can't do this!"

A look of genuine confusion flitted across Gintoki's face, before he leaned back and kissed Shinpachi's palm sensually. "Why not? We're two consenting adults, right? So let's do something adult."

He leaned in again, only to be pushed back. This time, Shinpachi was glaring at him, finally having gotten his head together.

"No! There's an order to these things! We have become really close friends, the kind that do everything together. We'll take all the same classes, have the same interests, hang out at each other's houses, that sort of thing! And then one night, we'll be watching a movie over at your place, and we'll both reach for a rice cracker and our hands will touch, SHOCK! And then we'll spend the next week avoiding each other, trying not to think about the lightning bolt that passed between our fingers when we touched, and our other friends will notice how sad we are, and they'll trick us into being alone together. We'll dance around each other for awhile, but eventually we'll admit that we really do like each other like that, and then we can do the adult thing! Not before!"

Shinpachi was panting by this point, his heart pounding so loudly in his ears that it was a few minutes before he could hear Gintoki laughing.

"What the hell's so funny?" Shinpachi scowled, pulling his yukata closed and folding his arms across his chest. "I'm serious you know. Everyone knows that you have to go through all those steps to have a homosexual relationship."

Gintoki continued to laugh, rubbing the heel of his hand across his eyes when they began to water. "And what if we've already been tricked?"

Shinpachi glared at him. "What the hell are you talking about? Who would-" and then he stopped, because really, Kagura and his sister had left for the hot springs hours ago, and even if she had Otae around, Kagura should have wandered back complaining about being bored or hungry by now. Gintoki smirked as a look of disturbance began to show on Shinpachi's face.

"See, we've already skipped almost all of that." He said, standing up and pulling Shinpachi up with him. "So what's the problem if we skip a bit more? I never really was one for following script."

"You'll give the manga editor a coronary one day." Shinpachi replied faintly as he was pulled flush against Gintoki's side. Shaking his head doggedly, he flicked Gintoki in the armpit.

"Ok, you win. But you have to take me on a date first; and I mean a real date! Don't think you can just pawn me off with dango from some rundown stand. I want a restaurant, with a waiter and menus and everything."

They stared each other down for several minutes (well, Shinpachi stared up, damn Gin-san for being so tall), before Gintoki smiled and stepped back, hands held up in surrender.

"Fine, you win. But this is a business deal. You can't just back out halfway through just because you've changed your mind. Even if a pirate crashes though the ceiling, you run off and join his crew."

"Yayayaya, the Going-Merry already has Usopp, they don't need another useless crew member." Shinpachi replied dryly, struggling not to smile.

"Oi, how dare you insult Usopp by calling him useless!" exclaimed Gintoki. "He's the best sharp shooter to ever sail the Grand Line! Don't underestimate him!" he grabbed Shinpachi by the shoulders to shake, and both men froze, their focus immediately drawn to the hard lump of flesh currently pressed against Shinpachi's thigh.

"I…I'm…I'll be back in a minute." Gintoki exclaimed rapidly, and ran out the door that connected to the garden before Shinpachi could blink. Torn between morbid embarrassment and something he wasn't quite ready to admit to himself, Shinpachi moved on auto-pilot to straighten out his futon.

"Dammit, I really thought they were gonna do it for a minute."

"Kagura, that's no kind of language for a lady. Besides, it's good to know that my precious little brother has enough sense to hold out for a free dinner before he gives it all up."

"You just don't want to admit how much of a wuss he is. I saw you drooling when Gin-san pinned him down."

"My, I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about. Maybe you were in the water too long, Kagura dear. You seem to be hallucinating."

"Ooooh? My skin's not all wrinkly, unlike somebody else's. Or maybe that's just because you're so old Otae-neesan."

Shinpachi ducked fluidly as Kagura came flying through the shogi screen, Otae hot on her tail. Kagura landed on all fours, and jumped just in time to avoid Otae's fist as it plowed through the floorboards. Both women were so caught up in fighting that neither noticed as he gathered up his pillow and blanket, and headed out onto the porch.

"Uh uh," he sighed, grabbing Gintoki by the elbow as he made to go back in the room. "It's not safe in there anymore."

Gintoki stopped, shrugged, and followed Shinpachi down the porch to the girl's room. They walked in silence for several minutes, Shinpachi flinching at the sound of breaking wood and angry screams coming from behind them.

"On second thought, if you just want to take me out for dango, I think it will be sufficient." He conceded as he slid open the shogi to Otae and Kagura's room.

"Oh?" Gintoki drawled, closing the door behind them and wrapping his arms around Shinpachi's shoulders. "I thought we couldn't alter the script anymore."

Shinpachi sighed and leaned his head back against Gintoki's shoulder. "Yeah, but by the time we finish paying off this hotel, you'll be too old to get it up anymore."


SnM: *feels victorious* Hahahahaha, I started working on this several years ago, only to finally sit down and finish it yesterday. Life has been frantic as hell this semester, and go figure that two days before finals, my muse finally deems it time to descend upon me again. But I'm happy, because this is definately my OTP for this fandom, and there's not enough love for it, so I will share some of mine. (Also, yay first M rated fic. It only took me 22 years to finally get an M rating.)

Please R&R