AN: I was re-reading Midnight Sun recently and I couldn't help to think about those interviews with Rob where he's saying that 'Bella is so obsessive' and 'The books are written in a very obsessive way'. The funny thing is, that while reading Midnight Sun I came to realize that Edward is just as obsessive as Bella. Perhaps even more. So I decided to give this a shot and see how it turned out, and besides… I have a thing for Creepward. Sue me.
I also warn you for lurker typos. I didn't have a beta for this one, but if you happen to be interested in betaing a possible fanfic, please let me know!
Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight related. All rights served to Stephenie Meyer. I'm just playing with her spades in her sandbox.
We were seated in my car outside her house after I had driven Bella home from school, and I smiled wholeheartedly while I leaned over in my seat to test my theories about her fluttering heart. Sure, the increasing of her heartbeat and her erratic breathing could be a product of fear, anxiety and horror. However, when I turned on my charm for any other mortal female, I knew that I was playing havoc with their minds – given that I could read their every single thought – and I also knew that it was only physical attraction.
Otherwise I would be questioning their state of mind, and I was already worried about Bella.
Her breath hitched and the deep chocolate orbs – which seemed to enthrall me more each and every day – spaced and went to a place far beyond my imagination.
Was she really attracted to me like the way I was to her? Would she be bothered if I asked her? Surely she would.
She was a smart girl, and I bet her subconciousness knew that I was something afar from her kind. I wished that thought would sooner or later get the best of her, but at the same time I willed that thought away.
I knew I was in love with this fragile little human from the first time I heard her say my name in her sleep.
"Uhm, Edward?" she spoke quietly, not trusting her voice. Her breath cascaded down my throat and my inner monster rejoiced. I hadn't realized that I had moved so close to her that if I just leaned a mere inch forward, my lips would instantly touch hers.
I carefully picked one of her eyelashes out of their roots as a distraction – thanks to my swift fingers she wouldn't notice I did this on purpose – as I straightened up in my seat and cleared my throat.
"You had a stray eyelash." I showed it to her. The small, naturally black lash gently placed on the tip of my index finger. She blinked her eyes and furrowed her brows, as if she didn't believe me even though the evidence was right before her.
"Make a wish." I spoke quietly, and her features softened. A small smile played at her lips before she blew at my finger and closed her eyes, making a wish that might or might not come true.
I would never know.
If it was up to me I would grant her as many wishes she wanted, and I would gladly oblige to fulfill every single one of them if I only knew what she truly wanted.
I knew I lied to myself the instant the thoughts came to my mind. Of course there were some things that I would never be able to give her no matter how much I wanted to. Love, happiness… And most of all, immortality, I couldn't be that selfish and steal her life away just like that.
Also, if it were up to me I would harass her until she couldn't bear to keep it secret.
Oh, how I would love to turn this girl into something unbreakable, something I could love and cherish with my whole body. Something mine.
I owned a lot of things that I was proud of, such as books and journals from the early 1920's, the very first LP ever made with Beethoven's 8th Symphony, a perfume by Coty from the 1900's that my mom wore and my dad's old wallet, my grand piano and last but not least, 104 years of life experience.
But this was all to no use when I had no heart that could feel the joy of owning these things. They never felt truly mine, as long as I didn't have anything to love with.
This was where Isabella came into the picture. She made me feel so entirely different, it was as if she had given me a new pair of eyes, or CPR. Without her I would cripple and loose whatever there was that I gained just by being near her.
No glasses could restore that broken vision.
But I knew that I had to leave.
She laughed and opened her eyes, "This is silly, you know. My mom used to do this when I was little," her hands combed her hair back in one fleet motion, "But then I outgrew her and I ended up being the one returning the gesture." Did I see sadness in her eyes?
As far as the endeavor of unlocking one of her secret thoughts go, I would have to call this a failure attempt. Like any other time I was with Bella, I became too distracted with something else about her. She was just too fascinating for her own good, for not to mention my good. I was on the rim of killing, just to know her inside out. Needless to say, that also made me a hypocrite.
"That's too bad. You can never get too old to be a kid." I spoke gravely.
This statement didn't really apply to me because although I had 104 years on my sleeve I personally didn't know how to be a normal child anymore, let alone a teenager. Then again, after Bella entered my… existence, she somehow managed to stir all those human memories back to life.
Joy and anger, jealousy…lust. And love.
"What's wrong" She spoke softly while her eyes searched for mine.
"Nothing in particular. Why do you ask?"
"You're angry with me, aren't you?" She said in a quiet whisper and I didn't know what to say. In one way I was angry, her making me feel this way, on the other hand all I could truly feel was joy. Joy that I was with her.
"You always assume I'm angry. Why is that?" I asked, curious now that I thought about it.
"I can see it in your eyes… Edward," – my name on her lips made my dead heart swell – "Besides, I can read people too. "
"Is that so?" The corner of my lip twitched and I looked at her, "Actually, I have a theory about that." Her eyes lit up in approval and she steadied herself in her seat, waiting for me to start talking.
"I think…" I decided to test her, "I think both you and I are secretly mind readers but we won't tell each other in fear to get categorized as a freak. How's that?"
At first I thought she would laugh, but then she did this strange frown and her face melted into envy, "I wish I could read your mind."
I don't, "I wish I could read yours." Mental blocks should be damned to the fiery pits of hell.
She gazed at me and I was hyperaware that her hand was about touch mine, most likely instinct. Even if she couldn't possibly know what I was thinking she was definitely a good reader like myself, and right now she was probably thinking that I looked sad or not so unlikely, depressed.
I most certainly was.
My thirst was just about to get the better side of me as her hand inched closer to mine, and I casually leaned over to open the door for her. Then I it dawned on me that I shouldn't have done that.
I had been making too many excuses to touch her lately. She would notice.
Unfortunately, she always did.
"Okay, so I better get going," I spoke quickly, as I pushed the door open, trying to make it look harder than it actually was, "I would much rather have my blood sucked out than suffer from Rosalie's punishment for letting her wait outside in the rain."
She snickered, and it felt good to joke about something that was more like an ironic inside joke to me. She would never know.
The minute she got out of the car I felt a sudden pang of regret. Rosalie wouldn't get mad at me for letting her stand outside in the rain, because she wasn't even waiting for me to pick her up. This was my desperate attempt to keep the monster from attacking.
"Bye," She said and waved her tiny hand as she walked backwards to her house, "Thanks for the ride. I bet my truck engine will give me a heart attack when you allow me to drive it again."
There was something in her eyes. Hope, maybe? Hope for me not letting her drive her truck ever again? No, that was just my wishful thinking.
Stay with me Bella. Don't go.
"Lets hope not." I said wistfully, albeit a smile crept onto my face unwillingly. "Lets." She agreed with a nod and turned her back on me, her rain boots making squeaking sounds as she walked. I slammed the door shut, watched her jump and nearly fall over in shock, guffaws emerging my mouth before I could even think about stopping it. Her head turned slowly, shoulders hunched, and she shot me the most evil look I've ever seen on a human before.
This, of course, did not help me stop. The expression 'die from laughing' had never seemed more possible than right now.
She continued stomping up the steps to her door and I floored the gas, sending my car at full speed forward, thanking god that Chief Swan was still at work.
Now, that I was in a much better mood, I couldn't seem to do anything else than look forward to tonight, when I would be watching her sleep.
I didn't have to wait long. Seven hours passed quickly, amazingly so, and I found myself humming a familiar tune that had swirled around in my head for quite a while now. Maybe it was time to visit my old piano.
Trees by trees swayed gently in the wind, and I could hear the echoes of the owls singing in the night. I had been running so fast that when I reached her house I could still see lights on in her room. Normally, she would be asleep by now.
I could see her silhouette at the wall and I watched carefully as I saw her pacing back and forth, restless perhaps. I decided to climb up one of the trees a couple meters away so she wouldn't see me, and when I was comfortable I granted myself one single look. Just in case.
Her body was dressed in a white tank top and brown boy short, which was rather odd being Bella; she always slept in a t-shirt and sweats. Maybe her father had turned up the heath a bit too much, and she felt warm.
I didn't mind. Or well, I did – too much bare skin for me to resist – but my human self sprung to life, and I couldn't help but let my eyes roam those long, silky white legs that she so often covered up. I soaked the vision in. I doubted there would be an encore in the near future.
I tried to shake myself. Since when did I think of her as something so… so sexual? What if Bella caught me watching her sleep one day? Would she think I was a pervert? Would she understand if I said I was only human? I most definitely felt like one right now.
As she finally decided to go to sleep I watched her hips sway from side to side sensually. What on earth was she doing? This wasn't at all like her.
I jumped to a tree closer to her window in an effort to hear what she was saying.
"…Perhaps I'm not girly enough for him," she spoke quietly as she did a little twist, nearly tripping but she steadied herself towards her bedpost, "Stupid." She sighed.
Who was she talking about? It certainly wasn't me, why would she care what I thought of her?
As she caught herself in the mirror by her bed, she started touching her hair and shoulders and collarbones and… oh no. Her hands graced her breasts.
I pinched the bridge of my nose while I shut my eyes tightly. This was beyond torture. Sure I had seen every particular scene and position that could relate to sex at all in the heads of the filthy humans. But this was entirely different.
This was painful… but in a very pleasant way.
"I can't be sexy for him, even if I tried." I opened my eyes to see her hands resting on her hips, the tank top pulled up so that her stomach was showing and sadness written in her eyes.
She shook her head while she blew some hair out of her face, "Hopeless."
Her entire frame fell back on her bed and she threw a pillow over her head in defeat. After a while I noticed she started pulling at her covers and she managed to cover parts of her legs, most of her body still victim to exposure.
When her breathing evened and her heartbeat steadied I climbed up to her window and opened it soundlessly, thanks to my can of oil. I jumped in and closed the window before I went directly towards her to cover her up properly.
She hummed in her sleep and trashed her head under the pillow that was still lying on top of her head. I tried to pry her fingers carefully loose so I could replace it under her head, but she was determined to hold on so eventually I had to use force. I really didn't want to wake her up, and neither would she.
Or her father for that matter...
I did manage to get her fingers to loosen up after a while, and I gently lifted her head up and placed it on the pillow. There. Much better.
Her hands suddenly got a mind of their own and shot out to grab my neck. I remained perfectly still in shock.
Did she wake up?
Where were the screams?
I peeked down at her face and saw that her eyes were still closed and her breathing hadn't changed at all. Her scent however…
"Edward, stay." She whispered softly and tugged gently at the hair in the nape of my neck. I gasped silently. What was this? I had no idea, "Please?"
Her murmuring plea cooed in my ears and I did what I thought I would never be able to do; I lied down on the bed next to her.
I wasn't entirely sure what was happening, but one thing was for sure, and that was she wasn't awake. She smiled gently as she positioned her head in the crook of my neck, her arm across my chest, and I could feel her hot breath tickle in my ear. For some surrealistic reason my inner monster kept quiet as she did this, although I had never been this close to a human in decades. The feeling that was overpowering the thirst was so much stronger, much more potent. I loved her.
"Could you hold me? I'm cold." She spoke again, this time in a more normal voice.
So she was sleep talking. For real this time around and not just small words that normally didn't make sense at all. Not that she made any more sense now. I didn't know how to help preventing the cold, but I tried to tuck her in as properly as possible so her skin wouldn't have any contact with mine. What I wouldn't give to run an average body temperature just for now.
Suddenly I got an idea. I prayed for it to work.
"Better?" I asked quietly while I wrapped my arms around her petite body. Please, please, please let this work.
"Much. Thank you"
I blinked as I could feel her soft lips move against the skin on my neck. How bizarre to think that I was the one supposed to be draining blood from her neck, and now she was gathering all my nerves at the exact same spot by using her lips. I looked down at her brown locks and started caressing them.
"Can you draw a letter on my back and then I can guess what letter it is?" She asked pleadingly, and I nearly laughed, "If you don't mind."
I nodded in approval although she wouldn't see that, "Of course, Bella." I added softly. Anything for you…
My fingers started drawing the letter P but then I remembered that she probably wouldn't understand my writing, so I pretended to erase it with my finger and started over.
"F for Forks?" She guessed and I told her no. I started writing W, but she guessed wrong again so I decided to go with an easy one.
"I?" My mouth formed a grin, "Yes, correct." I decided to ask her something.
"Bella, what do you like the most about me?" It probably wasn't fair towards her, but I couldn't help it. This was my chance and I wouldn't waste it by any chance, "I mean, if you like me at all."
She pursed her lips and her brows knit together a little, as if she was in deep thought, "I like… your smile! And your eyes, and you have funny hair," Her words was muffled by my neck again, and this time I could nearly feel the tip of her tongue, "But what I like the most is you. You're the best. You're so kind and pretty, and you drive a shiny Volvo. And you have siblings that don't like me; and you listen to Debussy in your car. Oh, and you have funny hair. B." She spoke out of context but I couldn't really blame her. Poor girl didn't have the faintest idea of what she was saying and… and now she was kissing my neck softly. It was a sensation like no other.
"That's nice of you to say. And the letter is correct." I was in a trance, but my hand kept forming letters on her back. At times she would hum and moan a little and I quite liked that.
"B for Bella by the way." She said and huffed. After failing at a few other letters she finally guessed L right.
"L for love." I added, and smiled. I felt so silly and stupid and weird and…. human.
When I had written almost the entire alphabet and was starting on the last remaining, she giggled and tightened her grip around me. "E for Edward. Did you see the pattern?" She asked and I was confused, "No, enlighten me please?"
She hoisted herself up so her mouth was next to my ear and murmured, "I. Bella. Love. Edward." The words were pronounced carefully. Then she laughed again, "How cheesy is that?"
I smiled. I didn't know what to say other than I love you too. But I didn't, and I wouldn't. She was sleep talking, no need to take anything too seriously, but still…
"Edward?" I could feel her grip on me loosen, "I really like you."
"I really like you too, Bella. But tomorrow you won't remember anything and so this won't have any meaning at all." I was depressed. How I wished she would wake up now and tell me that she had been awake all along.
"That's too bad…" She spoke sincerely and I nodded again, "Maybe I should tell you I'm in I love with you now then, before I forget?"
My heart felt like it had been electrocuted and I shot my eyes at her, not believing what I had just heard, "I-I guess."
"I love you, Edward. More than you'll ever know." She mumbled and turned around with her back pressed up against me, radiating heat.
"Sweet dreams, Isabella. I love you more than my lost life." I gave her hair a final, tender stroke, and I was half expecting her to respond.
"Kay." She said and she sighed heavily.
She remained silent during the rest of the night while I was wide awake trying to find a reasonable excuse to stay with this sleeping beauty forever.
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