Midlife Crisis



Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

AN: The idea came to me after reading a very old review which mentioned Yamamoto and a nursing home. Here is what ten minutes of typing came to.

"Do you really think it needs to come to that?" Jyuushirou stared at the other three captains in the room. Maybe it was because he was the softest of heart, but honestly, that was too much to ever consider...

"Jyuu," Shunsui sighed, leaning forward. "You know as well as I do that it's for the best." He looked grim and pathetic at the same time. Only something a man of his caliber could do without making himself seem like a fool. "He's...not the same."

"Was he ever normal?" Hitsugaya snorted from the side.

"Ah, don't upset him, Toshi." Shunsui cooed at the young lad. "You know how strongly he feels about these things."

"I don't need you sugar-coating anything, Shunsui." Jyuushirou stood up, smoothing down his haori as he started pacing the room. "This could be considered treason!"

"No, since Central 46 is not involved with us any longer and if we get the approval of ten out of thirteen captains, there is no crime." Byakuya said stiffly, sipping his tea.

"Then we would have to get the permission of Yamamoto as well," Hitsugaya was always the one the ruin the moment.

"That's a very good point," Shunsui nodded. "However, with the lack of captains, I'm sure that number will lower by..." Shunsui frowned, doing some quick mental math. "One point three captains. Rounding up, means we'd only need nine votes of approval."

"We're talking about a man's life here." Jyuushirou was still vying for them to drop the subject.

"Ah, honestly, Jyuushirou, he'll have just as much fun bossing around the other old biddies as he did us."

"Don't worry so much about it." Hitsugaya muttered. "Retirement homes are meant for people like him. You practically have to be crazy to get in."

"Ah, so he's a shoo-in!" Shunsui lunged to his feet quickly, no small feat for a man his size. "And you don't have to worry about him being lonely, which you totally are, don't deny it. We'll visit him and bring him treats that he'll have to hide in his beard because they aren't allowed to have candy or sake! Oh, what a terrible place." Shunsui looked horrified for a second, turning to grip Jyuushirou's shoulders. "When I get to be that age, God forbid, do not send me to a nursing home! I'll roam the streets and go through people's garbage, just don't let those anti-sake mineralogists anywhere near me!"

"Mineralogists?" Byakuya lifted a fine black brow. His tea had gone cold, but he didn't want to bother Ukitake just at the moment. "Are you sure that's the term you are looking for?"

"Are you saying I'm wrong?" Shunsui hissed under his breath. "They are rock collectors. Who else would open a nursing home?"

"Shunsui," Jyuushirou said gently. "You do realize we're about the same age. When the time comes for you to be in a establishment such as that, I'll probably be there right beside you."

"Kyoraku, aren't you a little old to be having a midlife crisis just now?" Hitsugaya couldn't help but give a small smirk. If there was any way to push that man over the edge, it was to call him old.

"Ahhh, Jyuushirou, forget about Yama-ji! It's me we should be concerned about! Are you going to send me to one of those 'homes'?" He spat the word out like he would cheap sake.

"I'd have to get the permission of nine captains," Jyuushirou patted his friend gently on the head, glancing at the two younger men. Neither seemed ready to jump to their feet to comfort him. "I'm afraid I only have three."

"Oh, good," Shunsui sighed in relief.

"However," Jyuushirou chuckled. "I doubt convincing the other six will be too difficult."