Good luck trying to figure our who's who. I tried to put in some prose to clear it up, but it just ended up looking awkward. So it's nearly purely dialogue.

The situation: Most of the Reds minus Donut and Church have a close encounter of third kind. The giant transforming robot kind.

Close Encounters

"That…. Is a huge fucking robot."

".. Yeah. Yeah it is."

"Dear God it's huge."

"Shut up Grif."

"And it talks."

"Lopez talks."

"So does our tank."

"No one cares about you. Blue sucks."

"Fuck you Red."

"That O'mally guy, he talks too."

"Okay, so the talking thing isn't really exciting, but they're giant transforming talking robots from space. How cool is that?"

"We're in space, our robots talk –though not always in a language we understand- and that tank I would definitely call giant. You've only got one out of five there."

"Yeah, but not all those things in one."

"Does it matter?"

"Of course it does!"

"No it doesn't! It's just a robot Griff!"

"If I may interrupt, my name is-"

"But it's so huge!"

"Yes, we can see the two story robot Griff. We're not blind."

"And it can talk! And walk around and stuff-"

"We occasionally turn into vehicles as well."


"We know, Griff."

"It's a giant fucking robot in our fucking box canyon. From space!"

"Have you been watching those stupid sci-fi movies again?"

"We actually prefer 'mech' to 'robot'-"

"But Sarge, you have to admit this is pretty awesome."

"I did. But now that you have gone and told the whole world that you like it, I am given no choice but to state the exact opposite- that I hate 'em! In hopes that will give me the opportunity to somehow make these robots turn into vehicles and then run over you repeatedly… with me in the drivers seat, thereby starting an intergalactic war we can never hope to win!"




"Excellent plan Sarge!"

"Thank you Simmons."

"… Are you for real?"

"Of course!"

Sigh. "You know what, screw you guys. I'm going to hang with the other cool robots over there."

"What? No! I need you to fulfill my plans for intergalactic war- and your death!"

"Fuck that."

"Simmons! Hold him down! Donut, get my torch welder!"

"Er, Donut isn't here Sarge."

"Well why not? Durn lazy prima donna, never there when you finally need 'im! Hey, you in the blue! Go get me a torch welder, pronto! I'm gonna need it if I want my plans to succeed."

The first robot looked at the second, giving his compatriot a bewildered look.

"They're not paying the slightest bit attention to us."


"I think we should make our escape now, while we have the chance."


And so the two grabbed their slightly wayward companions and high-tailed it out of Blood Gulch as fast as sophisticated technology would allow.

The End.

I think.

"Dammit, the robots are gone. I hate you guys."

"How do you lose a two story robot?"

"I have no idea."