AN-- First FanFic. Be kind. If you hate it, just don't read it. I don't own Twilight. If I did I would be really rich, and probably have a hell of a lot more in my cupboards then Mr. Noodles, those I do own! This chapter has been reposted thanks to my Lovely Beta EchoingWinter.
A few things to get out in the open before you continue on with reading if you want to.
1. I think Edward is creepy.
2. I am in no way going to write anything as insanely stupid as imprinting. So, in my ideal Twilight world that doesn't exist. It is just fucking stupid.
3. I swear way too much. Sorry!
4. This will turn into a Jasper/Bella story. So if you don't like that pairing, don't read!
5. I think it is silly for anyone to expect Jasper and Bella fall in love in five minutes, and for Jasper to all of a sudden have amazing control over his base instincts. So, he will not be fucking her senseless an hour after seeing her. Sorry if that is a disappointment.
6. Last one, I swear. There will be no stalking allowed. If anyone sneaks into Bella's room to watch her sleep, there will be hell to pay because that is honestly the creepiest fucking shit ever!!!
I will twist the characters into what I want so comments like she would never do that or that would never happen really don't matter because it's my version my rules!!!!
I could feel the dull ache growing, reaching new levels. I should really stop being surprised by the amount of pain that my body has the capacity to feel. As if I could be stronger, strong enough to handle this like a normal person. Instead I had to have a psychotic break down. Typical Bella. Always pathetic and weak.
I wish I wasn't. Maybe then, he would have stayed. Maybe then, he would have loved me more, loved me at all.
I'd held all my weakness inside since Edward left. I refused to show how much it cost me. I refuse to show anyone how weak I am ever again. I let him in. We broke down all my barriers. He told me he loved me. He told me I was his life, and I had let myself feel protected. He didn't protect me from what would hurt me the most. HIM.
I am sick to fucking death of being that pathetic, doe-eyed idiot that had so easily believed the sweetest of lies. I so readily accepted my place by his side even though I didn't belong there. I thought his family cared, but I had been an outsider, a silly human distraction to provide amusement. Like a little puppy, the novelty wore off after trying to save me or prevent my humanity from catching up with me for the hundredth time.
Stupid, fucking invincible vampires. Stupid fucking paper cuts. Stupid fucking birthdays. FUCK! Happy Nineteenth Fucking Birthday, Bella. One year, and like a fucking idiot, you are still whining over someone who didn't even care.
I lay in my bed staring up at the ceiling, wishing the day would just be over. I could already hear Charlie stirring. It would be impossible to escape today, but if he knew what was good for him he would keep the birthday related interaction to a bare minimum. I knew that he was cautious of doing anything that would remind me of HIM. I think his walking on eggshells just pissed me off even more. It reminded me more of Edward and how he treated me. Like a fucking child.
I was a little bitter.
Bella don't do this it isn't safe.
Bella don't do that you will get hurt.
Love, let me answer this for you because with my all my endless vampire knowledge it is easy, but you are just an incompetent, frail human. Don't worry, sweetie. It's cute, and I will pretend to love you for it until I get bored of course. Then I am just going to up and leave you, and take away your best friend as well. It isn't that big of a deal because to be honest she is bored of you too, as is my whole family. Humans can't really compare to vampires. I mean you don't even sparkle.
WHO FUCKING SPARKLES ASSHOLE!!!
Okay. To say that I was bitter would be a huge, huge understatement, but the last year has literally been hell. I also can't say that these mental conversations between myself and Edward don't happen often because they do. Way, way too often. It is a relief to make him say everything I think, everything he should have said, everything I think he wishes he could have said instead of the lies. Endless lies he told me to build me up. He built me up so that I would have farther to fall. I wonder if that was part of the amusement. If so, why didn't he stick around to watch it?
"Bells," Charlie called from outside my door, "you up?" If I hadn't been before, him hollering at me through my door would have woken me. Stupid.
"Yeah, dad, just getting up now." I tried to keep my irritation out of my tone. It wasn't his fault I was so foul today. Everyday. For the last year.
"Happy birthday, Bells," he said softly through the door. He sounded hesitant.
"Thanks," I replied in a clipped tone, hoping to dissuade any further broaching of that topic. I was nineteen, end of fucking story. Another birthday, no vampires to try and kill me this year. Funny, you think that would be a relief.