I don't own nothing.

Please enjoy the wacked story =P

NOTE - Mild refrence to forced sex.

Zoro's Not Gay

Sweat dripped off his muscular chest. 500 kilograms of pure metal swung above his head. Again and again, the massive amount of weight was chopped forward, ever increasing the already amazingly powerful swordsman strength.

"2100, 2101, 2102, 2103, 2104..."


Barely given the time to look across, his incredibly hyperactive captain bounded in, knocking swordsman and weights all over the floor with a loud crash.

"What the hell is it now Luffy!?"

Wide eyes looked up at him. "Sanji says your gay! I'm not too sure 'bout that but I came up just to check in case!!"

Zoro's eyes narrowed dangerously. "What did that ero-cook say."

Pushing a finger to his forehead, Luffy recalled happily. "Well, basically, me, Sanji, Usopp, Chopper, Brook and Franky were down stairs. We just caught Sanji trying to peek on Nami. Hell it was funny watching her kick his ass... again! Anyway, I asked why he keeps doing it even though he always gets smacked for it. He responded with his usual dribble about the awesomeness of the woman's body and stuff. Then Franky was like, why can't you be more like Zoro then Sanji was like cause he's gay. I was like nah he couldn't be but Sanji was like nah think about it! All he does is work out and look for his precious Mihawk and other strong men. He never gives a girl a look even when they get their tits out, like back with Vivi and that. I remembered you got pretty excited about seeing Nami's rack though didn't you!"

Zoro twitched. "Yeah, I was more shocked cause that look cost us all 300 million. I don't wana look at Nami anyway! Who knows what's hit that."

Luffy's eyes widened. "So you are gay?! What the hell I never would have guessed!"

Zoro sprung up, furious. "I MOST CERTAINLY AM NOT!!! I'm just not a convicted serial pervert like ero-cook! Or even brook! Asking to see their panties all the time. Doesn't he have any restraint?"

Luffy scratched his head confused. "But, it seems true. Like, I have never ever seen you look at a girl unless she's holding a sword. You sure don't seem to get off on seeing some boobage like the rest of us. Hell, I'd recon Chopper has seen more puppy action than you and he's a racoon!"

Zoro's teeth ground together. "Right, time to have a talk with the pervert."

He stalked out of the room and slid down the mast, Luffy hot on his heels. "You gona come out Zoro?? Never woulda figured it would be to Sanji!"

Zoro glared back up at his captain, soon to be hammer. "Let me say it again. I!! AM!! NOT!! GAY!!"

Landing with a thud, Zoro stormed over to the kitchen. Slamming the door open, death ray eyes scanned the room. Finding their target, they began burning holes in the back of Sanji's neck. He shivered. Turning, he found a very dark Zoro looking at him.

"Oh, moss head, I was just about to call you for your top up of fertiliser. Guess your hair was feeling hungry."

Zoro was at the cook in a second. Gripping his collar, he lifted him high in the air. "WHAT THE FLYING FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN SAYING ABOUT ME BEING GAY?"

Sanji ah-ha'd as he recalled. "Well, I was just explaining to the boys how not to grow up. Basically, if they want to become hardcore workout junkies that hold their sausage hostage to a picture of another swordsman every night, I told them to follow your example. BUT, I said they should they learn to appreciate the beauty of a woman like myself or Brook. This was mostly a talk for Chopper and Luffy as Franky had groupies back at Water 7, I found Usopp had... pictures of Kaya... and Brook already knew the importance of a good woman. When Luffy and Chopper asked what was wrong with you, I said the only thing that best describes you. You must be gay."

Zoro brought Sanji's face down close to his. "Now listen here you over aroused, sexually frustrated voyeur, just because I don't get my rocks off sneekin' a peek at Nami or Robin naked does NOT mean I'm gay!"

"OOOH ZORO'S TRYING TO KISS SANJI! Who knew Sanji was bi?"

The two men swung around to see (from the bottom up) Chopper, Usopp, Nami, Luffy, Franky, Robin and Brook all looking in with unsettling interest. Zoro flung Sanji away into the corner of the kitchen. Zoro shouted to be heard over the crashing. "I DID NOT TRY TO KISS THE HENTAI! That pervert obsessed with the vertical smile called me gay so I've come to tell him what's on my mind!"

Usopp's eyes widened. "You were coming out of the closet to Sanji? Who would have guessed?"

"NO I WASN'T!!!!"

Sanji was dusting his clothes off in the background. "Well you sure had me close to your face. Sure you weren't liking it?"

Zoro ignored him. Nami looked past Zoro in surprise. "You aren't disturbed by it? Are you bi?

Luffy and Usopp giggled away in the background. "Well he would go through a man to get the girl!"

Zoro sighed. "First true statement I've heard all day."

Sanji glided up beside Zoro and put an irritating elbow in his shoulder. "Come now Zoro, no need to be shy. Come on, this crew has a skeleton, a cyborg, a reindeer and a balloon apart of this crew. What's a gay amongst the ranks?"

Zoro exploded. "I AM NOT GAY!!! Ero-cook, your just a sick bastard who can't get none so your taking out years of sexual frustration on me the only way you know how. Flirting. And all you fag obsessed rednecks get out of my way before I chop you all up so small I could season my food with your remains."

Stalking past them, Nami purposely pressed her chest into Zoro's arm. "Oops sorry, my bad. I should really watch where these go, being so full and bouncy. Seeming that it only pressed into your arm though, I won't charge you for it." She winked at him.

Zoro said nothing and just kept stomping away. Big mistake.


Wheeling around in absolute fury, he was confronted by the crew all pointing at him with wide eyes. Robin excepted; she was standing alone behind them but a little smirk on her lips gave her away. Mind at nearly breaking point, Zoro began to stress harder than he ever had stressed before. 'What the HELL can I do to make them piss off?'

Looking around, blood shot eyes searched for anything at all. Finally laying his demonic gaze on something, he staked forward.

Robin froze. Never had she seen such totally wild eyes on a human! His muscles bulged as insanity beckoned. Her mind told her calmly that she should run away as fast as possible but his glare held her still. Watching as the man neared, she wondered what on earth he could possibly be doing.

Zoro stalked past her, raising an arm. Gripping her around the waist, he easily lifted the tall woman onto his shoulder. Jumping up, he stomped towards the sleeping quarters. Everyone stood gobsmacked as Robin looked back at them helplessly.

"Save me?"

The door slammed shut behind the two. Clothes ripped and the thump of a body being thrown onto a bed sent a shiver through the crew. They heard a gasp which was quickly punctuated by an enormous scream of pleasure. The entire crew below instantly turned a deep crimson as they realised what just happened. (Brook – Except I have no skin!) All turned away, trying their best to ignore the 'orgasmic noises comin' outa that room', as stated by Luffy. Moving to the other end of the ship, the door to the aquarium was nearly closed when a voice even louder than Robin's screams shouted out, "WHO'S GAY NOW COOK???"


A/N – Lmao don't even ask me where this one came from. 'Nuff said.