If Only You Knew.
I sometimes found myself wishing that I didn't have my power, that someone would take it back, or lock it up in a box where I would be unable to reach it. Because, like today, my power would be useless to help someone I loved from being hurt …
I sat in the forest, surrounded by the dozens of trees that shadowed me from the dim sunlight, and closed my eyes.
He had already told the family of his choice, that there was no point in arguing as his mind and heart was set. I had been in on his plan since the moment Bella had sliced her finger at her birthday party. He had spent the night at Bella's, watching her sleep, which was when he decided for definite on leaving Forks. When he came home the next day, changing into a different pair of clothes, I begged him to rethink his choice. He shook his head, never meeting my eyes, and ran off, though not before he had made me promise to not tell the rest of the family before he did.
I kept my promise.
Two days later after the accident, his choice was still solid. He gathered us around the dinner table – that was used for meetings instead of eating at – and revealed his decision. Everyone knew I must have known, although no one said anything. Well, at least not to me.
Rosalie had been furious with Edward. She had come to find Forks as a home, more of a home than anywhere we had been before, and she shared how it finally felt that she could at least act normal. She had hissed at Edward, blamed him for destroying their family, before storming out of the kitchen, a low growl building up in her chest. I felt pity for Rosalie. I knew it had been difficult for her – being one of the few in our family that craved to be human still – and, from what I had seen, she would be bitter with Edward for a long time.
Emmet had frowned at Edward, showing his disagreement over his marble stone face. He had taken Rosalie's side, giving him the exact same reasons as she had, before dropping his head into his hands with a sigh. I didn't need to look into the future to know that Emmet would come to terms with Edward's decision – it wasn't in Emmet's personality to hold grudges.
Jasper had bowed his head. I knew his thoughts without Edward's power. He felt guilty; the look was evident upon his handsome face. I knew he blamed himself for Edward's decision, our soon-to-be departure. I could tell that he was ashamed of himself, questioning his mental strength, and cursing himself for being so weak. He wasn't weak. He never would be in my eyes. He had restrained himself for this long; in fact he had never slipped up until now. Either way, he would always be my hero.
Carlisle didn't say anything at all. I had known that he wouldn't argue with Edward, he never did. Carlisle had always understood every decision Edward had made – like he knew something about him that the rest of us didn't. Carlisle just rose from his seat, placed a hand on Edward's shoulder before he had walked out of the room.
Esme didn't mumble a single word either. She looked like she was grieving as she rose from her seat, gave Edward a small hug and followed Carlisle out of the room. Esme, like Carlisle, wouldn't argue with Edward, or make him feel guilty for his choice. Esme loved him too much to do that. I knew that her biggest fear was loosing one of us.
And, without noticing that Jasper had left, his eyes had fallen upon me. There was a longing there for me to understand him. I knew that I shouldn't have been so cold, though I couldn't help it. I loved Bella. She was already a sister to me.
'I just can't understand why,' I had mumbled as I stalked out of the room.
Now, days later, I sat here in the forest with my eyes closed, waiting for any vision that would give me a clue to how Bella would handle this. I needed to know that she would be ok before I tuned out her future for the last time, leaving her behind.
I took a deep breath and waited.
Finally, what seemed like centuries later, a vision …
I watched as Edward and Bella stood in the forest. Bella kept shooting Edward curious glances, but I could see some slight fear pooling in her eyes – she knew what was about to come. Edward's face was perfectly composed as he looked straight ahead, no sliver of emotion overwhelming his features. I knew it was just a mask – a hard, obscuring mask – that was hiding his true feelings.
I had been so wrapped up in their faces, in the emotions bubbling deep within them, that I hadn't notice the words that were being exchanged.
'I would like to ask one favour, though, if that's not too much,' said Edward.
Edward's mask failed for a moment. Pain flickered across his perfect features when he looked at Bella's face. I knew what he had seen. Bella's face was slowly draining of life; her twinkle in her brown eyes was fading, the small amount of colour was draining from her body, the pain crumpled up on her average face. Edward could see the damage he had caused already. Her lifeless face reflected on his, yet only for a short moment before he composed himself again.
'Anything,' Bella vowed.
Edward's face hardened again. 'Don't do anything reckless or stupid,' he ordered. 'Do you understand what I'm saying?'
Bella nodded helplessly.
'I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself – for him.'
I knew Edward had used Charlie as an example because he knew how much Bella loved her Father. He knew how she would go to any lengths to keep him safe, to keep him happy. Yet I knew how Edward was thinking of himself. He knew that, before he left, he needed to know she would be safe, that she would be ok. If he knew that she wouldn't do anything reckless or stupid, he would be able to worry slightly less.
'I will,' whispered Bella.
'And I'll make you a promise in return. I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I never existed.'
I saw, as soon as Edward's word has left his lips, Bella's knees began to shake, the pain evident on her face like she was being cut with a red hot knife. I watched as her eyes focused and unfocused, blinking rapidly, whilst life drained out of her body.
I pulled out of the vision, unable to watch anymore. I wanted to run, run as fast as I could, and warn Bella of the events to come, prepare her in some small way. The dead look on her face, the pain in her eyes, was too much even for a vampire to watch. I felt my stomach twisting and turning, feeling more sickly by the minute – yet I knew it was all inside my head as vampires couldn't feel that way.
I stood up, waiting in the forest for Edward to return. I knew I would find the same lifeless look in his eyes as I did with Bella. Eventually, half an hour later, I saw Edward's speeding blur weaving in and out of the trees – it almost looked as if he were dancing. He stopped in front of me, not looking me in the eyes. I saw him wince. I realised that the lifeless, pained look on Bella's face was etched into my mind. I knew that, even if he could escape it in his own thoughts, he wouldn't be able to run from it in mine. For now.
'She's got the life she deserves now,' said Edward lifelessly.
I watched as he sped off towards the house. I didn't try to stop him as I knew he would be less co-operative now than ever. I knew he didn't want to do that to Bella, I knew how deep his love ran for her. It was the only way – picking between the right option and the easy option. I felt sympathy for him. I couldn't imagine how I would continue living if I had to leave Jasper, if I wasn't able to have him by my side every day.
Suddenly, another vision began playing in my head.
Bella was curled up on the forest floor, her knees tucked into her chest with her cheek pressed against the dirty floor. She was shaking fiercely, though I doubted her shivers had anything to do with the miserable weather. She didn't cry like a normal girl. In fact it was her emotionless, pale face that really worried me. She looked almost dead as she lay on the floor, staring into nothingness. I wanted to wrap her up in my arms and promise her that it would be ok. But, the truth was, I didn't know if the pain would ever heal. As I had promised, I would tune out of her future the moment we left Forks.
'He's gone. He's gone. He's gone …'
Her chanting echoed in my head. Each word more broken than the last.
'She's got the life she deserves now.'
I looked back to where Edward had vanished.
'If only you knew,' I whispered.
Just a little random piece that I had wrote one boring school day. Let me know what you think. x