DiNozzo's Island

DISCLAIMER:- I do not own NCIS or its characters and no copyright infringement is intended.

A/N. I had the idea for this story a few months ago. Coincidentally, I read a recent interview where MW compared the NCIS team to the castaways on Gilligan's Island! (great minds think alike?) .

It started out as just another day for NCIS Senior Field Agent, Tony DiNozzo.

The sun was shining, the birds were singing and you wouldn't think anything could spoil such a perfect day. The NCIS team was enjoying a rare day out on the water on Jethro Gibbs boat. Away from the office they were relaxing, taking in the sea air and the world seemed a million miles away.

On the horizon though, a storm was brewing. Gibbs had been keeping an eye on it and when it came too close for comfort he broke the news to his crew.

"It's time we headed back to shore," he said to his team. "McGee, you help Ziva with the tiller. DiNozzo, you and Palmer trim the sheets, I'm letting off the spinnaker. Abby, you and Ducky get down below and secure the galley."

The small boat turned sharply and the sails flapped until they filled with wind again. The storm front blew them forward at a great rate of knots and Gibbs shouted to make himself heard over the wind.

"DiNozzo, take over from Ziva!" he shouted, noting that Ziva and McGee were struggling with the tiller.

Tony changed places with Ziva just as the rigging snapped and the boom swung free, hitting Tony with a fierce blow to the head and knocking him overboard.

The sky was now inky black as Ziva, Palmer and McGee worked frantically to drop the sails and slow the boat. Gibbs dived over the side to retrieve a now floating Tony. They hauled his unconscious body aboard and took him down to the galley where Ducky quickly gave him a once over.

"Pulse steady, no breathing difficulties. He was lucky, it could've been much worse."

Abby let out the breath she was holding. "So he's going to be alright?"

"He'll have a nasty headache when he regains consciousness," Ducky replied.

Gibbs came in from the deck. "I've got the motor started we should be okay now."

"How long till we reach land, Jethro?" Ducky asked

"Shouldn't be long, we weren't that far out," Gibbs replied

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

In his state of unconsciousness Tony was swimming. He could see an island and he swam toward it. As he dragged himself up the beach he heard a voice calling a name that sounded familiar.

"Gilligan, Gilligan little buddy, are you O.K.?"

'Gilligan?' he thought to himself.

He opened his eyes and a blurry image formed in front of him. He recognised the familiar face.

"Boss?"

"Gilligan little buddy, stay here I'm going to get the Professor," the Skipper said.

DiNozzo drifted back into an uneasy sleep. When he awoke again he was in what looked like a grass hut and he was lying in a hammock suspended between two poles. A cool cloth was being applied to his forehead.

"Abby?"

"No silly it's me, Mary Ann."

Tony thought to himself. 'I don't know a Mary Ann.'

Just then Ducky and Gibbs entered the hut and came over to his side.

"How are you feeling, little buddy?" asked Gibbs.

"You gave us quite a scare, young man," added Ducky.

Tony thought he was going crazy. The faces were those of his workmates, yet they were talking to him like he was someone else. Since when did Gibbs start calling him little buddy?

Ziva entered the hut and came to his bedside. In a cool voice she said. "Oh, Gilligan, we were so worried."

Tony was now convinced that he had lost it big time. Then the penny dropped. 'Wait, I get it. I was watching a Gilligan's Island marathon on cable last night. I must be dreaming. I swam all the way to Gilligan's Island? But how can that be? It's a fictitious T.V. show!'

'Okay, let me get this straight,' Tony thought to himself. 'I'm Gilligan, Gibbs is the Skipper, Ducky is the Professor, Abby is Mary Ann, Ziva is Ginger? Hoo ahh! That only leaves Palmer and McGee as Mr and Mrs Howell.'

Tony suddenly burst out laughing at the thought that either Palmer or McGee would have to be Mrs Howell. He laughed some more at the thought of one of them calling the other Lovey.

For the sake of his sanity he decided to play along.

Next morning Tony awoke to find some fresh fruit on the table beside his hammock. He felt better and climbed out of the hammock and sat at the table. Peeling a banana he took a bite & thought to himself. 'Is this real?'

Just then all the castaways crowded in and all talking at once enquired as to his state of health.

"Gilligan my boy, when you feel up to it I wonder if you'll caddy for me this afternoon," said Mr Howell /Palmer.

"I'd like to check you over first. To make sure you're okay," said The Professor / Ducky.

Tony thought to himself. 'If this is Gilligan's Island, how do I get off? Will Gibbs send a team to rescue me? How can I contact them?'

He felt in his pocket for his cell, it wasn't there. 'Must have lost it when I fell overboard.

Let me think… how did the castaways try to get off the Island. There was the Japanese submarine, the hot air balloon made of raincoats, the tree sap Gilligan thought was maple syrup that was actually a strong glue but not waterproof. Darn it, I'm marooned forever with seven stranded castaways!'

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Back on Gibbs boat a concerned Abby was wishing Tony would wake up. Ducky saw the look of concern on her face and said "Don't worry Abigail, our Anthony has come through worse scrapes than this. He'll pull through."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Tony was in the Professor's/Ducky's hut sitting on a makeshift examination table while the Professor checked his vitals and listened to his heart. The stethoscope bell was constructed of half a coconut shell with two long reeds reaching into the Professor's ears and Tony was intrigued by its simplicity and ingenuity.

"You know Professor, since we've been stranded on the island, you've designed the huts we sleep in, the furniture, the pedal-powered golf buggy for the Howells, and kept the batteries in the radio going for three seasons," he said. "Why is it that you can't design a raft that gets any further than the middle of the lagoon?"

The Professor/Ducky smiled with a twinkle in his eye. "Well, my boy, the answer is quite simple really," he replied. "If I make a large, sea-worthy vessel that gets us safely back to civilisation, the television network will insist we make one of those God-awful cast reunion specials. I think we're better off here, for everyone's sake, hmmm?"

Having seen one of the reunion shows on cable television, Tony marvelled at the wisdom of the Professor/Ducky.

Having satisfied the Professor/Ducky of his fitness, he started to walk to the lagoon to meet with the Skipper/Gibbs when he spied Mary Ann/Abby walking towards the other side of the island.

"Hey Mary Ann," he greeted happily. "What are you doing out here all alone?"

Mary Ann/Abby looked all around them to ensure no one else was listening. She leaned in closely and whispered. "Gilligan, can you keep a secret?"

"A secret?" he repeated. "Of course I can."

"No one else can know about this, okay?" she asked and was reassured by his emphatic nod. "I'm going to my secret place, my favourite spot on the whole island. A place where I can be myself and not have to pretend to be that wholesome farm girl from Winfield Kansas."

'Hmmm, not wholesome,' Tony thought. 'This dream just gets better and better.'

"I'm glad you're here Gilligan," she said, taking him by the hand and leading him deeper into the thick tropical growth. "If I'm going to reveal myself it may as well be with you."

"I'm with you Mary Ann," Tony agreed enthusiastically. "Lead on."

Mary Ann/Abby led Tony to the entrance of a small cave then gave him a wicked smile. "Remember, Gilligan, this is just between us."

"My lips are sealed, Mary Ann," Tony said, flashing his mega-watt smile at the thought of things to come. "After you."

It was so dark in the cave that Tony could barely see his hand in front of his face. Mary Ann/Abby led him to a wooden crate and he sat down waiting for his eyes to adjust to the darkness.

"I'm going to light some candles," she told him.

'Candles are good,' he thought, well and truly getting into the mood as the candle glow lightened the cave. 'They're relaxing and romantic and…'

"God, what are they? OUCH!" Tony stood up so quickly his head hit the roof of the cave.

"They're shrunken human skulls," Mary Ann/Abby replied with an ear-to-ear grin. "This is my private collection. Aren't they totally cool?"

Tony was still rubbing his sore head and looking around in horror at the skulls, and carved face masks and what looked like necklaces made from human teeth. "Where did you get these?"

He asked when he finally found his voice.

"Well, most of them I found here but others I collected from other parts of the island. The Professor said that this island used to be the home of a fierce tribe of head-hunters and cannibals."

She looked admiringly at her grotesque collection. "This is way cool!" she said.

Tony felt a shiver run down his spine. "Umm…Mary Ann, I …er…just remembered that the Skipper is waiting for me at the lagoon. I have to go now."

Mary Ann/Abby looked disappointed but understood that work must come before pleasure.

"That's okay," she said as she watched Tony turn to leave. "Gilligan? Thanks for letting me share my secret, you're welcome to come here whenever you like."

'Not in a million years,' he thought to himself but smiled tremulously and added. "Gee, thanks Mary Ann, and your secret is safe with me."

He ran all the way back to the lagoon where he found Skipper/Gibbs waiting with a dangerously displeased look on his face.

"You're late, Gilligan," Skipper/Gibbs growled.

"Sorry, Skipper," Tony replied breathlessly. "But I promise I'll make up the lost time."

"Damn straight," Skipper/Gibbs answered gruffly.

Tony assisted the Skipper/Gibbs with their chores - fishing, gathering fresh water, repairing the thatched roofs of the huts. When they were done, they walked to the clearing in the jungle, where the Skipper spent hours each day meticulously building a boat. He enjoyed the older man's company and there was something familiar and comforting about the way the Skipper/Gibbs would remove his peaked captains hat and hit him across the back of the head. Tony started to feel a little homesick.

He walked back to the main compound and saw Ginger/Ziva leaning over the table peeling fruit for their lunch and wearing an evening gown and drop earrings.

'Didn't she pack anything else?' he thought as he admired the view and walked up behind her.

"Morning!" he said

Ginger/Ziva turned in a flash, striking him in the sternum with the point of her elbow and throwing him effortlessly over her shoulder until he landed heavily on the broad of his back with her makeshift knife pressed against his throat.

"Ginger, it's me," he gasped.

"Oh, Gilligan! I am sorry," cooed Ginger/Ziva. "You startled me."

"Gee, I thought I was a goner," Tony said. "Where did you learn moves like that?"

"Hollywood," she answered. "The rumours about casting couches are all true. You have to be able to defend yourself. There is always some lecherous movie executive trying to get you in their crutches."

"I think you mean clutches." Tony corrected.

"No…not so much," she replied and helped him to his feet. "Are you okay, Gilligan? Did I hurt you?" she whispered. "I will kiss it better." Tony felt her cool lips on his forehead.

"Well…now that you mention it. I am a little sore," he said gazing into her dark eyes as she pressed her body against his.

"Gilligan! There you are my boy!" Mr Howell/Palmer called. "You promised to caddy for me and I'm ready to tee-off."

"So am I, Mr Howell," he muttered still feeling Ginger/Ziva's body against his. "So am I."

Tony was caddying for Mr Howell / Palmer and silently rueing a missed opportunity with Ginger/Ziva. Mrs Howell/McGee sat petulantly in the back of the golf buggy.

"Gilligan my boy, hand me the sand wedge, if you'd be so kind," Mr Howell/Palmer instructed.

Tony handed him the club that was only a bamboo stick with a shell tied on to the end and then walked to the golf buggy to speak with Mrs Howell/McGee.

"Is something wrong, Mrs Howell?" Tony asked.

"Yes, as a matter of fact there is something wrong," Mrs Howell/McGee answered tersely. "Look at me! I'm wearing a twin set and pearls for God's sake! Not to mention that pumps are murder in this sand and make my ankles look fat. I have a Masters in Computer Forensics from MIT and a BSc in Biomedical Engineering from Johns Hopkins and I can't see why I'm not the Professor!"

"Gee, Mrs Howell, I'm sorry you feel that way," Tony replied. "It is only a dream."

"Why is it that even in your dreams, you just can't help torturing me?" Mrs Howell/McGee groaned. Tony was spared from answering by a call from Mr Howell/Palmer.

"Lovey! Lovey are you watching? I'm just about to tee-off on the next hole?"

Mrs Howell/McGee smiled wanly and gave a little wave in Mr Howell/Palmer's direction.

"And that's another thing…if he calls me Lovey again I'll snap his karate pinky!" She muttered. "Thank God they put single beds in our hut and wuss-boy over there is more interested in sleeping with his teddy bear than me!"

Mr Howell / Palmer swung the club, hit the ball and sent it into the jungle.

"Don't worry Mr Howell I'll get it for you," Tony walked into the scrub looking for the ball; it was lying at the base of a tree. As he walked over to get it he felt the ground beneath him sinking.

'Oh no, quicksand!'

"Help! Help!" Tony called.

Mr Howell came running through the trees. "Gilligan, what have you done now? That was my last ball!"

"Stay where you are Mr Howell, it's quicksand."

Tony was sinking fast. He was up to his waist already.

"Stay put my boy, I'll go get help."

'Where am I going to go?' Tony thought to himself.

By the time the Skipper, Professor and the others arrived Tony was up to his neck.

"Gilligan, grab this vine."

"It's too late, goodbye cruel world."

Tony's head went under the surface of the quicksand and all that remained was his white hat.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Back on Gibbs' boat, Tony was restless and his arms were thrashing about. Ducky was trying to calm him down when suddenly Tony woke up.

"Ducky?"

"Yes, Anthony it's me."

"Boy, what a dream! I dreamt I was on Gilligan's Island and you were all there playing the parts of the other characters."

"Hmmm, it seems you are still concussed, young man," Ducky told him.

"No, really, it was so lifelike."

"Now you just lie back, Anthony and get some rest, we'll be back in the Marina soon then we'll take you to the Emergency room and you'll be fine."

FINISH

I hope you enjoyed this little break from reality. I did consider posting this in the crossovers section but as it didn't really contain actual characters from Gilligan's Island I thought that it would be more suited posted here.

Thanks to LB for her advice and help.