Hello to everyone from Tokyo to London! CJzilla here smashing out another story, this time about Jimmy Two-Shoes. Now, this one, I will be doing things a little different than my normal MO. I'll be doing more experimenting with my storytelling and writing technique than usual. Please, enjoy.
Synopsis: Disgruntled by his relationship with Jez, Lucius Heinous VII isn't in the mood for more misery in his life. But suddenly, Heloise, his head inventor, catches his eye. Thunderstruck by this revelation, Lucius begins to play a secret game with the girl: courting her without her knowledge. But... how long can he keep up this charade? Lucius must hide his fascination with Heloise or risk giving himself away. Things get even harder when Heloise starts to catch on.
As I rampage through this city, alls CJzilla has to roar is this: R&R! Love on me... Hate on me... Review.
Disclaimer: I own nothing of Jimmy Two-Shoes or Diane Frolov. CJzilla owns your reviews and sanity!
"There's a lot to be said for self-delusionment when it comes to matters of the heart."
Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider, Northern Exposure, First Snow, 1993
C'est la Vie
Misery in Miseryville
There is not much to say as I introduce you to yet another unlikely romance between two unlikely people. It's a story that is nearly as old as the cliché from whence it spawned, but trust me; the story has never been told like this.
Now, there is a bustling town named after a state of mind: Miseryville. Two suns shone down on this miserable city filled with monsters and macabre. Miseryville was infamous for two reasons: one, misery, obviously; and two, the monarchy of tyrants that ruled the city; the Heinouses. And that is where I will begin, with the current tyrant of Miseryville: Lucius Heinous the Seventh.
11:30 a.m. The factory of Misery Inc sent waves of deafening sounds throughout the city. In a business that specializes in misery, today was unusually calm. Maybe because Lucius hadn't shown up for work; yet, anyway. Little did the drones of Misery Inc know that their boss was coming and he was bringing a bad mood with him.
The door slammed open. Samy, a timid, green monster with a lisp, jumped five feet in the air and craned around to the door. Stomping into his office was the CEO of Misery Inc and the tyrant of Miseryville. Lucius Heinous VII was in a livid mood. One look at his boss's fearsome face and Samy cowered.
"O-o-o-oh boy." He whispered, quivering behind his clipboard as Lucius marched passed him. "Good day Mr. Heinous. I was getting w-w-w-worried."
The short, red, devil-like tyrant shot his blubbering assistant a venom glare. Samy saw the dark circles under his eyes.
"Worried?!" Lucius barked, sitting in his big chair in a huff. "What's there to be worried about?! I am LUCIUS HEINOUS VII! Dictator of this mage infested city! RULER of all misery! There is no need for worry, you sniveling toenail!"
He slammed a fist on his desk making Samy nearly wet himself.
"Uh-…" The little green monster pointed to the wall. Lucius quirked an annoyed eyebrow and followed his assistant's hand to the clock on the wall. "It's half past eleven, sir… I thought you were not coming in today."
Lucius fell back in his chair and sighed.
"I was coming in today. Just at my leisure." The devil-like monster then glared at his assistant. "I AM allowed to do that, aren't I? I mean, I AM the CEO of this corporation AND tyrant of Miseryville. I CAN COME AND GO AS I PLEASE!"
Lucius's shout blasted Samy off of his feet and into a nearby wall.
"I never questioned that, Mr. Heinous." Samy readily responded peeling his clipboard from off of his face and revealing a big, pleasing smile. "I merely assumed that you were sick, sir."
The little green monster sunk behind his clipboard, thinking his enraged boss would hurl his desk at him. Instead, Lucius sighed.
"I am sick. Sick and tired." The short monster responded. "Last night was just awful!"
Samy felt a rant coming on; one that he would be forced to listen to.
"I went on my date with Jez, right?" Lucius leaned on his desk, looking miffed and gesturing. "And at the end of dinner and a movie, I take her back to my place. THEN! Ho, then she tells me something that no man wants to hear. Jez insinuates that my performance isn't to her liking."
Samy immediately blushed and looked at his clipboard. Lucius never talked about his love-life with his curvy and beautiful girlfriend.
"Performance, sir?" He peeped, awkward and uncomfortable. Lucius spun in his chair, facing the window.
"It's not what you think. Let me finish." He replied, arms folded and looking out his window. "I told her that I'd be more than willing to prove her wrong and agreed to do anything she asked of me." Lucius paused, his silence showing that he was smoldering. "The next thing I know I'm in tights and tutu DANCING for Jez's amusement. Apparently the "performance" she was talking about was a frilly dance number that had NO real significance to what I thought she meant."
The little green monster stifled a laugh.
"And now I'm nursing a pulled hamstring, impending dance lessons courtesy of Jez AND a wounded ego." Lucius spun in his chair. "Therein WHY I am late. So I appreciate your concern Samy, I really do," he was thickly sarcastic, "but the next time I'm late like this automatically assume that it was some sort of monstrous torture given to me by that girlfriend of mine."
Lucius rubbed his temples. Samy shrugged.
"Why not break up with her, sir?" The green monster fiddled with his clipboard. "If she's this much trouble, she's not worth it."
His boss snapped his eyes open.
"This coming from the only monster in Miseryville that hasn't had a date in his entire life? Lay off the romance novels, loser." Lucius bit. Samy's bottom lip quivered. "No. Jez may be high-maintenance but she's the only one in this hick town that is pretty enough to be on my arm. Until someone better comes along, I'm stuck with her."
What were you to expect from a self-serving, cold, narcissistic egomaniac? Lucius was superficial at best and only interested in his own gain. He HATED being relegated to anything or anyone. Jez was one of only two people that can make Lucius drop onto his knees. Who is the second person, you ask?
"Has Heloise made her report yet?" Lucius barked. Samy floundered with his clipboard.
"Reports don't come in until noon, sir." The green monster shivered. "It's only eleven thirty."
This didn't please Lucius. He felt like spreading misery to everyone around him and only Heloise's inventions could enable him to do that.
"I want to cause mayhem NOW!" Lucius jumped out of his chair. "She better have something that I can use."
The CEO of Misery Inc stalked to the door. Lucius was on his way to the science wing of his facility.
Heloise, a super-intelligent and destructive human girl, held her hands to a handheld saw. With glasses over her blue eyes and plugs in her ears she sawed through a sheet of metal that would soon be her latest doomsday device. Doing something that was against her usual, Heloise took this idea from someone else: The great Leonardo da Vinci. Over the scream of cutting metal, she felt a tap on her shoulder. Pulling the small saw out from the metal, she swung it around and held it threateningly. Quivering before her was one of her little monster helpers. The small one-eyed purple creature pointed to a windowed room high above the production floor. Looking up Heloise caught sight of Lucius and his neurotic assistant standing in the sound-proof room. Lucius, her boss, had his usual scowl but looked even more haggard than normal.
A frown curled onto her feminine face. Then she looked at her watch. It wasn't even noon yet! But the boss was the boss. If Lucius wanted to see her, she would be forced to comply. Breaking off of her work, the dirty blond walked to the elevator.
Half a minuet later, Heloise exited the elevator and walked straight into the observatory. She was met by Samy cowering in nervousness and a death glare from Lucius.
"This had better be good, Lucius. I was on a roll." The girl growled pulling off her safety glasses. The angered expression on Lucius's face remained.
"Excuse me? I'M the boss here, employee!" Lucius pointed at himself. "I could fire you for talking to me like that!"
A smug expression surfaced on her face.
"But you won't." Heloise quipped back. Lucius's look darkened dangerously but said nothing.
"What have you made for me today, Heloise?" The short devil-monster squeezed out. Heloise merely smiled; he looked so angry that he could breathe fire.
She walked to the window.
"I call her the Persuasion Processor." The girl motioned for the bits and pieces of her doomsday weapon. "She's not quite finished yet, but once she is, she'll be fun to play with."
Lucius was at her side, his hands folded neatly behind his back as he looked at the assembling weapon.
"And what does it do?" This was the part where the CEO of Misery Inc had a little extra patience. He was interested in EVERYTHING that Heloise's latest contraption was capable of.
Heloise gave a sadistic and proud smile.
"It's an armored weapon with spinning blades." She responded. "Though not very fast, she is competent of causing mass destruction. Three foot, razor sharp blades pop out of her sides. With a little elbow grease, the blades will spin the circumference of its circular structure. It will be nary unstoppable!"
Lucius held his chin in his hand as he eyed the top of the armored weapon.
"I've seen this somewhere." He mused. Heloise grinned.
"Yeah, you have. I ripped it off from Leonardo da Vinci." The dirty blond returned. "That man was a genius but also had his more darker inventions."
Lucius gave a dry, sarcastic laugh.
"Has your labyrinth of genius finally hit the wall, Heloise?" The short monster mocked. "Ripping ideas off of dead guys?"
"I was feeling nostalgic." She answered, not at all phased by Lucius's grate. Lucius frowned.
"How long until you're finished with it?" He questioned. Heloise traced her eyes back to her unfinished project.
"It'll be done at the end of the week." She answered. "Assembly's killer."
Lucius's frown deepened.
"I want something destructive NOW, Heloise." He stomped his foot. The girl rolled her blue eyes.
"Yeah, yeah; keep your dress on." She then began digging in the folds of her long cloak-like dress. "I have something that will take the nip off until I can get the Persuasion Processor running."
And then Heloise retrieved a small green sphere that was about the size of a marble. Lucius looked at it.
"Do I have to ask what it is?" He waved his hand disinterestedly, tried with asking that worn out question. Heloise smirked.
The girl tossed it onto the glass of the window. Instantly the glass melted and shattered. Lucius jumped back.
"I call them: Devil Boogers." Heloise proclaimed proudly. "It'll eat through anything. Made mostly from a sample of your personality I once obtained."
She shot him a mocking smile while Lucius glared. Then the CEO brightened.
""Devil Boogers"?" He smirked. "Nice name. You feeling so nostalgic that you went back to the medieval ages AND your kindergarten years in the same day?"
Heloise suddenly darkened.
"Jimmy thought it was a good name." She growled. Lucius groaned loudly.
"Two-Shoes? That perpetually optimistic, chronically oblivious, pain-in-my-neck idiot that has led my son down the path of rebellion?!" The short, red, devil-like monster snorted. "He's good for nothing but being in the path of your over-grown dicer."
The girl's expression went dangerous.
"Jimmy's twice the man you are!" Heloise snapped. Lucius rolled his dark eyes.
"Well, of course! He's a tall bean-pole with googly eyes and enough brainpower to barely toast a crouton." He responded. "And I don't know why YOU of all people defend him."
"I've suffered enough here." She turned to the elevator. "You have your pacifier, Lucius. Don't bother me while I'm working."
"Keep mouthing off to me, Heloise, and you'll find yourself the first victim of your war machine." He threatened. Heloise laughed.
"You'd boil your own son in oil, Lucius." The girl responded, cold and sarcastic. "As soon as I wear out my usefulness, you'll let me go." But her expression remained smug and arrogant. "But that will never happen. You need me Lucius."
She raised her eyebrows and fluffed her hair.
"You'll be useful until another smarter, eviler genius comes along." Lucius folded his hands behind his back. "So enjoy your place at the top while you can. It's only a matter of time before you're replaced and I get to dance on your grave."
Heloise's smirk dropped slightly.
"If I don't kill you first." She remarked. Lucius looked off, disinterested.
"I won't hold my breath, Heloise." He responded. "You need me."
The girl rolled her eyes.
"I need you like a rash." She smirked, stepping into the elevator. "Now I gotta get back to work and you've got to get back to dancing for that broad Jez, Lucy."
And the doors closed on a malevolent expression on her sweet-looking face. Lucius was once again angry and he stood rigid, glaring at the elevator doors.
"HOW did she know about the dance?!" He gnarled feeling thoroughly embarrassed. Lucius was lucky his skin was red because no one could see his blush.
Samy snickered, getting a laser-beam glare from his boss.
Lucius crawled home after a day of stewing on embarrassment and getting even. Jez made a fool out of him but at least she did it in the privacy of his home. Knowing Heloise and her heinous methods of torment, she probably obtained photos and has blown up those photos to post on ever billboard, restaurant wall and light pole in the city. The whole town probably knows about his dance in gruesome detail. Heloise was a brilliant inventor but she was also a brilliant torturer. Now watch Lucius get any sleep tonight.
The adult dropped his briefcase as he walked into his big mansion. Loosening his tie, Lucius walked toward his bar. Breaking out a glass, he poured himself a shot of spirits. Swigging it in one gulp, he gave him self another. Three shots later, the edge of his problems and his hamstring were taken off. The short red monster walked over to his favorite recliner. Lucius sat there, too exhausted to turn on the television. Instead he looked out the window and watched the evening sun kiss the horizon.
With the five shots of spirits climbing to his brain, Lucius felt his eyelids get heavy. Telling himself that he'd only close his eyes for a second, he let his eyelids drift shut. In the blink of an eye, the fatigued tyrant/CEO was asleep.
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