This is just me trying to get out of my writer's block. I didn't have it beta'd or anything, so if it sucks thats why ;) I also felt like writing an angsty story, and this was the first thing that popped into my mind. Please review, if it gets good ones and requests for more additions, I'll add on to this.
Oh, and I am still writing on Chuck vs The Kiss, the next chapter will be coming up soon :)
Dad was always sad these days. He'd been sad for the last ten years of my life. He still did his best as my father though, and he was a great father. I knew why he was always morose, I would be too if my wife had left the way my mom had. Well, my husband I mean, I wouldn't have a wife.
Anyway, Dad is always here for me. Telling my great stories about him and mom, letting me know that I am as brilliant and as beautiful as my mother, and reminding me I can do whatever I want in life, because I got both of their determination. He never fails to make me smile. He cooks breakfast every morning, helps me with homework (though I hardly ever need it, and he has a good laugh every time telling my how I got my mother's brain, too) and he keeps the crazy boys away. It's true, I look just like my mom, except with my father's hair color. When I look in the mirror, I see her, and it makes me slightly angry. Why did my father have to see his ex-wife everyday when I entered the room? Why couldn't I look like Aunt Ellie? It'd be so much easier on him.
Dad had never legally divorced my mother. I was small at the time and I don't remember very many details of her departure from the Bartowski household. I just remember them crying, and me trying to figure out what was going on. I've never asked Dad why Mom left, I can tell he doesn't really want to talk about it. He's never gotten over it, either. There are still pictures of all three of us around the house. He still loves her, but I don't really. I barely knew her. I was five when she left, and I remember my clutching on to her as she went out the door. She'd hugged me tight and whispered "I love you" to me, and then yelled at my Dad to take me. I'm not sure if I believe that she loved me, or Dad. What could have possibly happened to make her leave then?
I would never tell Dad I didn't think I loved her though, that would probably hurt him a lot. But my Mom had broken both of our hearts that day, and I had to admit I still held some animosity towards her. I didn't have a mother, simply a father. I was the woman of the house, cooking dinner, keeping the house clean, and having our friends over on weekends. I loved to invite Aunt Ellie, Uncle Devon and my cousins over. We all stayed really close and I wouldn't have it any other way. My cousins were like siblings to me, and all three of us were very athletic, to which my Dad playfully complained about. But, I was my father's daughter, for him and I could spent hours writing software together, making a silly game or creating a helpful product. That was Dad's job, he had his own software company and he made good money. We didn't like living extravagantly, though, I preferred our little 3 bed 2 bath house. I didn't want a mansion and fifty cars, that just wasn't Dad and me.
I was a straight A student. I got my father's intelligence. I also was well taught in Karate and other combat. This was my mom, she started teaching me at the earliest I remember, and my Dad just kept me learning even after she had left. He joked he wanted me to be able to fight off the waves of boys, but, I always felt like he meant more, like there was something in his past that made him truly concerned for me. I would just laugh and pretend I didn't pick up on that though. I didn't want to make him any more uneasy. When Dad needed to tell me something, he would. That was the way we worked.
To be honest, I barely ever missed having a mom. How can I miss something I've never had? But, it hurts each day to see my Dad get that look in his eyes and get that pained smile on his face. It's always my fault. Something I say, or a facial expression I make. It makes me hate that I look like Sarah Bartowski. It makes me hate her a little bit too. My Dad never did anything to make her leave, he only loved her. So why did she leave? I had so many questions, but I couldn't bring myself to ask my dad, to open a very painful and heartbreaking chapter in his life.
So, I mostly asked Aunt Ellie. She knew a lot about their relationship and how "strange" (her words, not mine) it could be. She said when they first met, there was this weird wall between them. They'd be together, then not together. They be moving in together, then they wouldn't. She said it wasn't until after they'd been dating almost two years that they really seemed to connect and their relationship move forward. And for six years they had been fine, Aunt Ellie had never seen someone so happy. But then Boom! Mom was gone and Dad was alone with me. I grew up quickly so I could help him. I wanted to make him forget Sarah Lisa Walker Bartowski. I considered her the worst person in the world until I reached 12, and then I realized, she probably had a reason. Who knew why, but even the little I knew about her, she didn't seem like she would just hurt my Dad.
Aunt Ellie always was open to tell me whatever she could about my Mom and Dad. And that's usually where all our conversations go if they can. She's told me almost everything she's known about their marriage and when they were dating. I've come to the conclusion that (based on what Aunt Ellie told me) my mother and father weren't perfectively matched. Aunt Ellie never understood Sarah that much, but she had still loved her.
"Sarah was a good person. I think she really did love your Dad. I don't know what happened, but that's not from lack of asking. Chuck wasn't ready to talk about it then, so I dropped it until he was ready to tell me." Aunt Ellie had told me that once, during one of our long talks. Aunt Ellie was the closet thing to a mother I've known. She's told me all the things a mother would have told me about. All the things Sarah Bartowski should have told me.
I've always made sure Dad never hears me when I cry at night sometimes. It happens once a year, usually on my birthday. My mother has missed ten of those since she left. No cards, no calls. Nothing. She has dropped from the face of the earth. But, the next day I am fine again, not missing her and happy. I only wish my Dad could have it so easy.
I've seen my Dad cry before. Even at movies. But the way he cries at night...that is the worse thing I've ever experienced. I've peeked in at him before, and watched him. I almost cried myself. He misses her all the time. I only wish he could find someone new. I wouldn't care if he formally divorced my mom and found someone new, I have none of the "step mothers are evil" conditioning. Their just people. I would rather my Dad be happy then it just be us two for the rest of my teenage years. So, I have gently prodded him to go and get a date. But he refused.
"I'm not ready for that just yet," he had told me. I just was quiet and finished dinner. I knew my Dad. He was sensitive and caring. He had loved my mom for a long time and he probably would for the rest of his life. But, that shouldn't stop him from at least going on a date. No one said a date had to lead anywhere! He might enjoy it. He probably would.
Anyway, I've been the woman of the house for ten years. The last thing I expected was the return of the original one.
I'm so angsty aren't I? Like the story, dislike?