Emmett Goes to the Tattooist

By Scrubs-A-Holic

Rating: K

POV: Emmett

Genre: Humour/General

Tip: Enjoy peoples.

"Hey Carlily, wassup?" I asked my 'dad', Carlisle. It was getting kinda annoying, even for my standard. The first year of Bella's new life wore off 200 years ago, and I seriously needed something to do every day, and Rosalie wasn't helping. She was always out with Alice, Bella, Emse and Renesmee, always urgh... shopping.

Almost every morning, Carlisle was sitting facing outside, looking deep into the Alaskan snows.

"Just thinking," was what his usual reply was, but today he seemed to have found something that he was excited about. So instead, he said, "Emmett, are you busy?"

"No duh," I said jokingly. Anything to get away from the house.

"Well, I would like to test a theory, and you seem like someone who would take up something like this request."

"Please get to the point. The quicker I get out of here is the quicker I keep my sanity."

"Ok, ok. The skin of a vampire is like solid granite, right? And if we were to try, say, getting a tattoo, would it last?"

"Just wait a sec, why would you want a tat, Doc?"

I bet if Carlisle was a human, he would have blushed.

"Esme thinks it's nice."

"Um, don't go into that! So what, you want me to get a tat?"

Carlisle nodded happily.

"YEA!! Oh my God, this is your best theory EVER!" I yelled punching the air. Only air doesn't like being punched, and my fist went through the roof. Oh well, Edward won't mind a little peep-hole in his floor, right? But I didn't get to see his decision 'coz I was out that door before I heard him finish-


I pushed open the door in a human way, and walked up to the counter. There was a young girl there. She batted her eyes. Not again. There are some things that make me hate being a vampire, like beauty. I love my muscles though!

"What can I do for you today, sir?" she said, trying to be seductive, but instead making me feel uncomfortable. But I put on a dazzling smile and said, "I hope I'm not too late for an appointment now?" I read her name tag, "Lexi."

"Oh, um, sure!" Lexi said. It's weird that when you look as handsome and dazzling as me, that girls will trip on their own feet to quickly get what I want. It's quite convenient!

"There," she said, "one spot is open in 5 minutes. Would you like that one?" She then started searching my face for a clue that I liked her. I flashed my wedding ring accidentally-on-purpose, and her face dropped. I didn't feel too guilty; she should expect me to be married. Right?

I walked into the tattooing room and saw the tattooist staring at me. It was weird. I expect girls to drool and stuff, but this dude was like worshiping me with his eyes. Though, he wasn't much of a beauty queen, with large, faded tats up his arms, short and round stature and bald, unshaved face.

"Uh, hey," he said, "You hear for a tattoo?"

Duh, I thought, "Yea."

"Of what?" he asked. I'd almost forgot that you had to say what tattoo you wanted. I'm a senile vampire at 300!

"Uh, the name Rosalie with a sorta rose format."

"Ok, well lie on the table." I did, "Where?"

"Running across the bottom of my arm, thanks."

I lay down and waited. And of course, no pain came when he put the stabbing needle in. He decided to make small talk.

"So, how old are you?"

"22" I answered. It's sorta a reflex action when someone asks me that, because that's what I've been saying for the past 3 centuries.

"Who's Rosalie?"

I can never get used to the fact that humans are dumb. Nuh, Rosalie's my mum, jeez.

"My wife."


It stopped there. After about 3 minutes I saw he was sweating. I looked at where the tattoo was, and he seemed to have to push the needle very hard through my skin. Humans.

About an hour later, I looked at my tattoo on the speedy drive home. It cost $123, and it looked old and as faded as the tattooist's tats. I hoped I could show Rose.

I ran vampire pace up the driveway. When I got in, I saw everyone in the living room. I saw Rose, and I can never remember how beautiful she is, no matter how many centuries we're together. I ran up to her and gave her a bear hug, which didn't hurt her, and she returned with such power which surprised me, as usual.

"Rosie, look!" I said and held out my arm.

"What, Emmie?" she asked, confused.

"Uh, my new tat?"

"All I can see is a pink mark, Em."

I looked down at my arm, and everyone laughed..

OMG Thank you so much for reading this! I'm so excited to be writing for ! Love you all