DISCLAIMER: I'll save you the trouble of yelling at me. I own the OC's and nothing else. And I own ERRP, which is me. One last thing I own: W.A.P. Everything else belongs to its respected owners.
Thank you MysticGypsyGirl and Noah the Devil Huntress for the reviews and thank you to those who have this story on alert. I wouldn't be updating this fic if it weren't for you guys.
Chapter Three: Finally, An Update.
Sephiroth entered the DMV with the sunlight reflecting off his silver, not gray, hair. Women stared, men glared, children watched in awe, and one Turk ignored him.
Gliding, for that was the only way to describe his walk, over to the main desk, he stared at the woman behind it with his green-blue cats eyes.
"Good afternoon, I am-" He started.
"General Sephiroth, yeah, yeah, I know." The woman, whose shrill voice was bad enough Sephiroth's ears hurt, said. "Whadya want?"
He frowned. How dare she talk down to him, but he kept his calm. "I need to-"
"Take your car off the road because it's been totaled, yeah, yeah, I know that too." She snapped, making him clench his jaw. "Sign here, here, here, put an 'X' there, sign there, there, there, and there and then take it to Sally." She pointed at an alarming speed at everything before tossing the papers at him.
Catching them, he growled before stalking over to the available space next to Rude, ignoring the quiet Turk. SOLDIER had a running bet as to who was quieter- Rude, Vincent, or Tseng. His money was on Vincent.
He removed a pen from his silver duster and was about to start filling the form out when Rude spoke, surprising him slightly.
"Pencil only." Rude said.
Sephiroth turned his cold gaze on Rude. "Excuse me?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.
Rude nodded at the forms in front of Sephiroth. "Pencil only." He repeated before returning to his own forms.
Sephiroth sighed, replacing his pen before looking around. The only pencil in sight was the one Rude held and he was not going to stoop as low as to ask a Turk if he could borrow their pencil.
Looks like Rude wasn't the only one having an odd day.
The great General Sephiroth, though, wasn't going to ask to borrow Rude's pencil.
With cat-like reflexes, he stole it away.
Rude's eyes widened as he stared at his empty hands before looking at Sephiroth. The tall, silver haired general was writing with the pencil Rude had written with only seconds before. Hadn't the man ever heard of asking?!
"May I have the pencil back?" Rude asked.
"No." Sephiroth growled, filling out one of ten forms.
Rude sighed. "May I please have the pencil back?" He asked, more than a little annoyed.
Sephiroth looked up, his blue-green cat eyes narrowing. "No." He growled once more, returning to the paperwork.
Rude removed his sunglasses as people began backing away.
"Give me the pencil…" Sephiroth looked up as Rude growled, "…Or else."
Sephiroth raised an eyebrow. "Or you'll do wha-" Rude gave a warrior's cry before lunging at Sephiroth, everyone but two dopey college students and the women who worked their clearing out.
Sephiroth held the pencil over his head as he dodged Rude; the bald Turk growling every time Sephiroth avoided him.
Sephiroth dropped the pencil as he covered his ears. That was the downside of having Mako-enhanced hearing.
Rude, used to Reno and the loud music he would play at his desk/in the car, caught the pencil before scrambling over to his forms, filing them out at an alarming speed.
The woman perched on top of the counter, wielding an air horn, grinned proudly, her coworkers cheering her on, before the really rude woman from earlier spoke again.
"SILENCE!" She roared.
That paperweight from earlier? It shattered as the woman with the air horn hopped off the counter and scrambled back to her seat while people who still had forms to fill out slunk back into the building and over to their paperwork. And Sephiroth? Well…
He glared at Rude as he returned to the table, drumming his fingers impatiently as the Turk filled out his forms before hurrying away. Sephiroth scowled before removing his cell phone from his duster and calling someone.
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees? ERRP asks as crashing is heard in the background.
"I did not know you responded to phone calls." Sephiroth said flatly.
Phone calls, texts, pages, e-mails, new forum posts… She rambled as Sephiroth. Annoying author. Why must she have a phone to begin with? What's up?
"I need a favor…" He started.
A mug full of pencils landed in front of him.
There ya' go. She said cheerfully.
Rude returned with more forums, dealing with them as quickly as he could.
Sephiroth sighed. "Not the favor I was asking for. I need you to-"
Take the pencil away from Rude? Aw, but I don't want to. He's one of the few characters I don't have to keep an eye on… Unlike Reno…
"I would be in your debt if you did so." Sephiroth said charmingly.
Well… He cringed, more than just slightly this time. People gasped before taking pictures. It wasn't often that the great General Sephiroth cringed. Under one condition…
He rubbed his forehead with his free hand. "What is it?" He asked with a sigh.
More crashing was heard. Would you mind straying from the script?
"You mean the one where I become evil? Not at all. Consider it done." He said.
Yay! No evil Sephiroth now! She shouted before hanging up.
Sephiroth muttered something about having to keep ERRP away from sugar before snapping his phone shut.
There was the sudden jingle of metal bangles before the pencil appeared, floating, in front of Sephiroth.
Rude looked at his hand, the pencil gone, before looking at Sephiroth. And Sephiroth had the pencil again.
Rude's eyes narrowed. This meant war.
Hojo and Scarlet were in the hall outside of Reeve's office, devising a plan to get into the office. For some reason they had gotten it through their heads that Reeve could help them turn back into humans.
…And then we turn him into a cow! Bwahahahahahahahaha! Hojo telepathically cackled. ERRP had forgotten to make sure that they couldn't speak to each other.
Scarlet frowned. Well, frowned as well as a pig could. And how would that help us?! Idiot. She thought with a disgusted shake of her head and a snort.
Hojo clucked like a chicken, shaking his head. You don't understand. We turn him into the cow, and then… WE TAKE OVER THE WORLD! Bwahahahahahahahaha! Hojo started cackling again.
Scarlet sneered at him. You're an idiot. I've got a better plan that would both allow us to return to human form and to take over the world.
Hojo stopped cackling and turned to her, his eyes as wide as they could get while he was in rooster form. Really? Do tell.
Scarlet, somehow, grinned evilly.
Lazard walked down the hall, whistling as he carried a teacup and a saucer in one hand, having just made himself tea, while he held a magazine in his other hand.
"Ah, peace and quiet. The Turks must be away on a mission." He said with a dreamy sigh.
He entered his office, kicking the door shut, before going over to his desk and putting his tea down. He took a seat in his chair behind the desk before he opened the magazine to the article on Sephiroth. The main question? How does he keep his hair so perfect?
A snort sounded as Lazard looked up. "Who's there?" He asked.
A sinister clucking sounded before a pig in a red dress walked out of a shadow-covered corner, a pink rooster with glasses walking next to it.
Lazard sighed. "I told Mr. Fair not to bring anymore animals into the building, but does he listen? Nooooooooo." He said with a roll of his eyes before standing and going to the door. "Out you go," he said, opening the door.
The pig seemed to laugh while the rooster grinned sinisterly.
"Oh I know what you two are thinking: How does someone as good-looking as I keep my calm?" Lazard said, startling them. "Well I'll tell you my secret." He looked into the hallway before closing the door and whispering, "I own a farm." How that had anything to do with keeping calm will forever remain a mystery- Unless ERRP thinks of something.
The pig's eyes widened while the rooster stayed silent before they both burst into laughter.
Lazard sighed. "I knew it: You two were raised by Hojo. The annoying little old man needs to learn that W.A.P. is after him."
The rooster stopped laughing, while the pig laughed even more, at the mention of Wutai's Animal Police. W.A.P. was a secret organization rumored to be run by a German shepherd, a gorilla, a giraffe, and a hamster. The rumor was also that when they tried to have the fourth member be a gerbil they found that gerbil's were better lawyer's than law enforcement officers.
"Don't worry my darlings!" Lazard cried, falling to his knees and hugging them close. "I'm going to take you away from this awful city and bring you to the quiet, peaceful, happy countryside where you can be freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
The pig started to panic while the rooster seemed to lecture Lazard.
"I know- But I'll make sure Hojo will never find you! Don't worry! We'll fly you both out of here tonight!" He pat the pig's side before stopping. "Oh dear, you're too thin." He shook his head. "That won't do at all. Don't worry- You'll get fatter once we get you to the farm."
The panicked pig backed out of the hug before it started running in circles around the office. The rooster hopped away, somehow getting up to Lazard's desk before walking over to the phone. It knocked the receiver onto the desk before pecking the buttons, calling someone.
"Oh no you don't," Lazard said, hanging to phone up much to the rooster's annoyance. "You're not going to say goodbye to Hojo. That's a bad idea."
The rooster started jumping up and down, yelling something.
Lazard smiled. "I knew you would be happy."
The pig crashed into a bookshelf, breaking the bottom shelves, before running around again.
Lazard winced. "Hmm… Looks like you two don't like to fly." He thought for a moment before brightening. "I know! We'll take a road trip! Just the three of us!"
The rooster and pig exchanged horrified looks as Lazard started pacing, voicing his opinions on what car they should take, what snacks they should bring, and should he invite a member of SOLDIER.
Hojo growled while Scarlet sighed in despair. Looks like they were in big trouble. They were getting sent away to a farm…
…Wait- That's a good thing that they're getting sent away to a farm. Maybe they'll finally leave everyone alone!
Well after a couple months of being on hiatus for this story I'm back with an update. I'm so sorry that it took me this long to update, and I'm going to try not to do that again. Review if you want to, thank you if you do, but you don't have to.