Yuuri picks up a bird one day, and proudly proclaims, "And his name shall be Jiro!"
Then he ruins the grand feeling of a kingly proclamation by further saying, "Because he's a mejiro, you know. It just fits. And because Pochi was the first flying child of my heart, and so Jiro is my jiro, my second son he's my baby he's so cute aren't you, Jiro, aren't you? Aww~"
"Peep," says Jiro. His pinky-gray skin and oversized head are frankly ridiculous.
To Wolfram's credit, he doesn't try to rename the baby bird something more refined, like possibly "Reginald". He does, however, secretly think to himself that Jiro looks far more like a Reginald than he does a Jiro. Wolfram also manages to bring up something that everyone else in the room was thinking.
"Yuuri, you do realize that you just made two Conrad-worthy puns in that one declaration?"
"What? No I didn't."
"Yes you did."
"No I didn't."
"Yes you did."
"Jiro's hungry. I'm going to feed him."
Jiro is a Japanese White-eye, a type of small songbird known as the mejiro. He fell from the tree in the Shibuya family's backyard. When he grows up, he'll be a beautiful green with white rings around the eyes. Right now, he has pin feathers sticking out everywhere, his beak opens ridiculously wide, and he seems to think Gwendal is his mom. (It must be the green.)
Jiro sits in a nest on the Maou's desk made of tissues and paper clips. Lady Anissina is researching how to make the most nutritious baby-bird formula. Greta knits nothing but bird-friends for Jiro to snuggle with. Everyone has gone crazy.
Wolfram thinks all this while painting Reginald's portrait. He has a stately profile.
"Yuuri, I'm serious about this. You're displacing."
Yuuri looks up from where he was brushing Jiro's itchy pin feathers with a toothbrush. "I don't know what you're talking about, Wolf. Except that you've been getting into my psych books again. If you love them so much, you should just go take the test in my place."
Brush, brush, brush.
"You know you coddle that baby bird more than is healthy. You pour all your affections for him into caring for that ridiculous bird. If you weren't such a wimp, wimp, you would do so to the real thing. Preferably without ceasing to feed yourself this time."
Brush, brush, pause.
"... Jiro is the real thing. There's only one Jiro, even though he's the second son. Isn't that right, Jiro?"
"See? Jiro resents your accusations of him being a replacement or whatever."
"Fine, Yuuri, whatever. Just go see Conrad before your nesting instincts infect even more of the castle."
Stick a fork in him because he is done, seriously. What even is his life. Wolfram can't believe he has to have this stupid talk with this stupid Yuuri about spectacularly failing to cope. He huffs out of the room. But not before stealing the toothbrush to give Reginald some very majestic chin-scritches that have his little eyes closing up in joy.
"Hey, um, hey, Conrad. I don't know if you can hear me, but this is Jiro. Jiro, this is Conrad. So, Wolfram thinks I named Jiro after you because I went insane because I miss you a lot and you know I was pretty much always by your side in the beginning but then they had to stage an intervention to get me away and I'm sorry I didn't come back after that. And stuff.
"I still think it's my fault that you were injured, but you'll wake up soon, right? Then you'll meet Jiro for real and you'll give me that look, like you think I'm weird but you don't want to say anything. I didn't meanto name him after you, honest. I just... wish there was something more I could do... to take care of you."
Jiro sits on Conrad's chest. His first set of feathers has come in nicely, thanks to daily toothbrush rubs. He's now a plump, fluffy gray chick, and has started perching and hopping.
"His name is Jiro, you said. Is that after the baseball player?"
"No, I think you're thinking of Suzuki Ichiro."
"Oh, right. Yankees?"
Gods, what is this. Wolfram thought it was over, but now he's sure it was just the beginning. Yuuri bustles around the room doing completely unnecessary things like fetching water even when Conrad says he's not thirsty. Conrad utterly ignores how his lover has gone insane and named a bird after him.
"You two are so stupid. I can't even."
He huffs out of the room again, leaving Yuuri to build a blanket nest around Conrad.
But not before he steals Reginald.