So I have to confess - before today, I've never heard this song in my life. This time around, I had the idea first and just found a song to go along with it. And it fits perfectly, whoo!
Apparently ideas come better when I'm in a funky mood. Not sure if that's a good thing or not, but I'll take whatever I get.
Chuck Versus the iPod Playlist
Drabbles by crystalelements
Addiction – Ryan Leslie
It started off with a kiss
Never expectin' this
And now I'm here copin' with
He's never experienced anything like it before, which is why he doesn't recognize the signs at first. It starts off innocently enough: his eyes linger a little longer than necessary, his attentiveness a little sharper than usual. She is a beautiful woman, after all – his faux girlfriend, no less – so he figures these new tendencies are perfectly normal, not to mention good for the cover.
Soon, though, he finds himself taking notice of the smaller, insignificant quirks. Her dislike of olives, for instance, or her penchant for medium-rare burgers with extra pickles, or her guilty pleasure of chocolate croissants. Her blue eyes cloud over whenever she's bored out of her mind; it usually happens during her shifts at the Orange Orange, if the tiny holes in the wall adjacent to the counter are any indication. She loves clothes like any other woman – looks amazing in any outfit she wears, really – and he's fairly certain that her favorite color is red (though why she hasn't worn it as of late, he has no idea). He can differentiate between her fake, high pitched giggles and her genuine oh-my-god-that's-actually-hilarious laughs. For the most part, he can decipher her moods by the subtlest changes in her expression. He may not know anything about her past, but he's sure he knows much more about her now than he lets on.
For someone who's never been comfortable with any form of PDA, he's surprised when he suddenly finds himself longing for the next tender touch; that special hug, snuggle, or kiss reserved just for him, even if it is just for cover. He loses himself in those moments; pretends, hopes, that maybe there's just a bit of realness behind those lingering touches and shy smiles. He loves being around her, whether it's during a mission (as if he'd actually stay in the car) or in the comfort in his own living room (he swears she can recite multiple episodes of Doctor Who word for word…and he knows that she's proud of it, too).
Soon, he can't imagine a day without her in it. She's his best friend, his partner-in-crime (or against it, if you wanted to get technical), and the love of his life. She's the first person he thinks of when he wakes up, and the last person on his mind before he drifts off to sleep. He craves to learn everything about her, memorize her ever feature, drink up her every word. She isn't just a part of his life – she is his life.
It's precisely because of this that his heart rips to pieces when he hears her utter those agonizing yet inevitable words:
"Chuck, I'm leaving in the morning."
Of course he knew it would happen. Project Bartowski's been over for nearly two days; her reassignment is unavoidable. He just never thought it'd be so soon. That it's with Bryce, of all people, makes it even more unbearable – after everything his college roommate has put him through in the past two years, he doesn't know why he's surprised that yet another chunk of his life has been snatched away by the guy.
The (second) wedding is incredibly bittersweet. The looks she's giving him are almost identical to the ones Ellie is giving Devon, and if he doesn't know any better he'd swear that she's made the decision to stay after all. He crushes the thought before it materializes even further (and takes his rationality with it). Ellie and Devon seal their marriage with a kiss; he bursts into applause that feels a little too enthusiastic, a little too forced. The reason stands across from him, that same, undecipherable smile on her face.
As happy as he is for his sister and brother-in-law, he can't help but feel resentment for the couple – it's just another pinnacle of the happy life he so desperately wants but can never have.
When he makes that irreversible decision and places his hand atop the Intersect's activation screen, it's not because he's recognized his full potential as a government asset. It's not because of some renewed sense of duty caused by Bryce's death, and it's certainly not because he realizes that he can never have a normal life.
It's because of her – always has been, always will be. He's doing this for her, and as selfish as that seems, there is just no way he can live without her; he doesn't fully understand it, but deep in his heart he knows that it's true.
He stumbles into his bedroom now, collapsing onto the bed face first as the oncoming headache threatens to split his head open (metaphorically, of course). The new Intersect is untested, unfamiliar, and much more powerful – he has the unfortunate luck of reaping the consequences. No one, not even his father, has any idea how to fix these painful side-effects. And the headache is nothing compared to his muscles, which are currently screaming in protest. Intersect 2.0 may give him awesome temporary kung-fu powers (among other useful abilities), but his body sure isn't capable of sustaining them. His head begins a steady throb, and not for the first time, he wonders why the hell he decided to re-upload this goddamned computer into his brain.
The answer comes to him almost instantaneously. He senses her before he raises his head from the pillow, before she even knocks on the door. Her blonde hair tumbles over her shoulders as she peeks in; one hand holds a bottle of Ibuprofen, the other clutching a plastic bag.
"Ellie let me in," She says unnecessarily, shutting the door behind her and sitting at the edge of his bed. "How are you feeling?"
He can see the different emotions swirling in her cobalt eyes: concern, hesitation, sadness, compassion, and a little bit of something else he can't seem to put his finger on. Blaming it on the headache, he replies, "Other than the distinct feeling of hammers pounding away at my entire body? Pretty darn peachy, especially if you've got some snacks and Star Wars waiting for me in that bag of yours."
The brilliant smile he's come to know and love slowly creeps onto her face, and suddenly he's drowning. He's still an asset, she's still his handler, they're still miles away from a real relationship, and it's the most frustrating thing he's ever dealt with in his entire life. He's sick of so many things: the government, the secrets, the lies, the Intersect.
But despite everything he's been through these past two years, nothing compares to the way he feels right now as he looks at the woman in front of him. She's everything, and yet he can't seem to get enough of her.
All his life, he's never understood why people get hooked to things like smoking, drugs, or alcohol; the thought of slowly killing himself with such horrible habits repulses him. So of course, it's completely typical that life chooses this particular moment for Chuck Bartowski to finally understand the true meaning of having an addiction.
The rustling of a plastic bag jerks him out of his thoughts, and he quickly scrambles into a sitting position as she drops the DVD into the player and settles on the bed flush up against him. There isn't even a need for the cover, is there…? The thought vaguely registers in his mind before she shifts and holds out the pain medicine.
"Here, for the body aches. It should help a little bit."
He blinks. "What body aches?"
Oh, he's absolutely certain that an addiction like Sarah Walker is downright impossible to break.
My gosh, I'm actually quite happy with this one! How about you?