This is in dedication of Stephanie aka Daddy's Little Cannibal—who passed in a drunk driving accident—and her family and friends here on FanFiction. . . Which apparently was an unnecessary lie to step back from FF. Don't know about the truth in that. In any case, I like the one-shot, so lets call it a dedication to those who died too young.
She will be greatly missed.
The days past slowly, excruciatingly so. Her death was something I never thought would come so soon, or at all. More than anyything I wanted her with me forever, but I wanted her to live normally without all this. To grow old, live her life out completely and fully. I did everything in my power to prevent an early demise and it was my over-protectiveness that killed her in the end. If only I had listened to her, really saw her and what she wanted instead of pitying myself. Ignoring her and writing off her feelings as fleeting and human.
I never should have doubted her. I knew she loved me, maybe not as much as I loved and lived for her, or so I thought, but apparently I was wrong. I could be angry, I could be hurt—and at one point, I was all of those things—but, now, I choose to be numb. Because for once, it wasn't the monster in me I hated to the pit of hell, it was the man.
She'd given her life for our child. Our Renesmee. She'd done everything in her power to stop me from harming Renesmee, taking her before she killed her. I should have been able to save her, but I couldn't I was too late; she was already too far gone by the time I'd bitten her. If only I'd never made her agree to marry me first, I'd still have her. If I'd just changed her, none of this would have happened.
But I wouldn't have Renesmee either. Bella wanted her, loved her even though she was slowly killing her and gave her life bringing her into the world. I wanted to blame her, but I knew it wasn't her fault. She was just as sad as I was that she never gotten a chance to know her, love her.
Carlisle had kept Bella in a large cool locker in the basement while they devised a plan. I'd sat with her, never leaving her side willing her to change and wake up. After a week, I couldn't take it any more. I couldn't watch her knowing she wasn't sleeping or in the change. I couldn't look at her lifeless body and know I was the cause of her death.
I left and went to Alaska.
The snow was a thick blanket on the ground and as I walked at a slow pace, I could hear the crisp crunch of it under my bare feet as I moved through the trees. The wind biting as it whipped in and out of the branches chasing itself in circles. Bella hated the snow. Hated anything wet and cold, but I couldn't bring myself to leave it. Go back into the warmth of our house. Not even our meadow that held a type of warm tenderness. Love that spurred from the inside out, moving through me with a slow kindness.
That, I couldn't handle.
But after three weeks, I had too.
I don't know why I wanted a fire, but I made one and laid down next to it closing my eyes praying for the first time—believing in something more—that I could dream. I didn't want to remember, I wanted to dream of her as she always dreamt of me.
I felt displaced. Floating almost. I'd laid there for hours trying to find my own state of dream, but instead, all I felt was her. I felt her watching me. Touching me in fascination; her soft fingers lightly running across my arms in wonder and thrill. Her breath as she laid her head on my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and when I opened my eyes, she was still there.
I was dreaming.
She looked up at me and smiled; bright and beautiful. But when she closed her eyes, she disappeared. I sat up quickly looking for her. "I'm here," she called.
I turned and she was lying next to the fire, arms spread out and a large smile on her face as she laughed and basked in the sun light shinning on her.
"I love you. I always will. Live. Love. For me, do those things." She started fading.
"Wait! You can't leave me." I feel to the ground in dry sobs.
Still fading away, she spoke. "You can and you will. For me, you will," she demanded gently. "Take care of Renesmee. I love you," was the last thing that escaped her before she was gone.
I don't know how long I sat there staring at the spot she disappeared from, but I couldn't move or look away for she could return, though I knew she wouldn't. I heard my family approach, their thoughts concerned for me and what I might do. Even Rose was particularly remorseful; she'd grown so close to Bella while she was pregnant. No one said anything because no matter what they said, it wouldn't help me. And it was in that moment I made a decision.
I stood up, took one last look at the fire that was dying and turned away. My family stood there, flanked, watching me cautiously for my next move. "Let's go."
"Go where, Edward," Carlisle asked.
I looked around our meadow one last time, promising to bury Bella here and plant a Willow and Lilies over her. I looked at Renesmee. She feared I didn't love her and through all of my pain and anger, I'd never realized how much I truly loved her.
I reached my hand out to her. "Home. Let's go home." And with Bella in my heart and her hopes in my mind, I vowed to live the rest of existence the way she wanted me to. As the man that she saw in me. I doubt I'd ever find love again, but the least I could give her after all she'd given me was to live as she knew I could. And love our daughter enough for the both of us.
I'd live, for her.