Summary: in the middle of the night, Hevlaska will receive the visit of Allen Walker, who needs to ask a question that has been bothering him for quite a while.
This came to my mind while I was writing the new chapter of my other fanfic: "The clown in your dreams". What will happen if Allen were to lose his innocence again? So I thought the best person to help him would be Hev.
Note: remember that there's many ways to love, so when someone says I love you, it doesn't have to be in a romantic way. Anyone can live without the romantic kind of love, but no one can live without love.
Note: I've rewritten this one-shot to correct a few mistakes in the writing and make it more enjoyable. But it's mostly the same so don't worry. Thanks for reading! (22/10/2012)
by Daruku Janubu
Hevlaska was resting peacefully in her 'room' at the new HQ. It took her a while to get used to it. Sometimes, she felt a little nostalgic, after all, she had been for decades in the bottom of the old tower like castle, but in the end, as long as her family, her friends, was with her, she could deal with it.
As she rested she could hear the pieces of innocence inside of her singing soft lullabies to help her sleep. It was nice to hear them, they were comforting her, making her feel completely safe. This was one of the good parts of being the type of exorcist she was. Her innocence allowed her to hear the voices of her sister fragments; as far as she knew she was the only one who knew the voice of innocence. It was a privilege that the holy fragments only gave to those who were chosen by it. Only those who were loved by it. Hevlaska believed that becoming the weird creature she was had being a worthy price for this feeling. It was so simple, yet so powerful. She loved to be loved.
A sound startled her from her dream-like musings. She lifted her head softly and wondered why someone would be coming to see her in the middle of the night? The elevator was descending as she asked softly to its passenger:
"Komui? Is that you?"
There was no answer, but she soon noticed it wasn't the supervisor for she felt the presence of innocence on board. She heard the song of it and recognized what accommodator had come to see her; she was very surprise to say the least.
Once the elevator reached the bottom, the exorcist inside showed himself.
"Sorry to interrupt your rest, Hevlaska," he said with an apologetic smile.
She moved her face closer to the young boy.
"Allen Walker, it's the middle of the night… how come you're here, all by yourself?" she asked softly, she didn't really mind his presence; after all, she loved the sound of critical innocence.
"I had to wait till it was late enough… Link wouldn't have let me go alone if he was still conscious," he told her with a mischievous smile that said he had fun sneaking around the inspector. "I was hoping to talk a little with you… ask you something."
"I see. Then how may I help you?" She knew she should tell the boy to go back; the boy was already in much trouble with central, and if the inspector were to report him to be escaping his supervision, they could really treat him for heresy. But Allen Walker wasn't one to be reckless without reason. If the boy was there, taking so much risks, then it meant he had something important to say, that and the fact that something seemed to be making his innocence's voice nervous convinced her to allow him to stay.
Allen looked sheepishly at his feet as he searched for a way to express his reason to be there and, since he really hadn't thought of a way to approach the subject at hand in a delicate manner, he thought better to go for the simple truth.
"Hevlaska…have you ever thought of what will happen with innocence once the war is over?" he asked casually as if asking if she thought tomorrow was going to rain.
She was a little taken back from his question. It was a really weird thing to ask. In fact, no one had ever asked her that.
"What do you mean?" she asked slowly, confusion clearly in her voice.
"I was just thinking… innocence exists to fight the Earl and bring peace to the world… so, what do you think will happen to it once the earl and his minions are gone?" Allen was starting to show clear signs of nervousness and stress as he tried to explain it better. His right hand seemed to play with the hem of his shirt.
"That is a very unusual thing to ask," she confessed. In the past she had asked herself that once or twice of course; if you were to be the guardian of these fragments then it'll be natural, but no one else had asked it before. "I never thought anyone will ask that, less an exorcist."
It was his turn to look confused.
"Normally, people wouldn't even think of what will happen when the war had ended. Because it would mean that they believed it will end," she explained. "Allen Walker, do you think the war is going to end soon?" she looked closely at his face searching for the answer.
There was something, a glint of something in Allen's eyes, determination maybe? As his right hand touched the left side of his chest, over his sleeping shirt, he closed his eyes and sighed.
"I don't know if this war will end soon… All I truly know is that I will give my best to end it," he answered, but somehow, even with the determination in his eyes, his voice seemed a little unsure. "That's why I wanted to know… what will happen … to Crown Clown when it's over?"
Hevlaska was unsure of what Allen Walker's real intentions for this question were, but decided to give her opinion to the obviously distraught boy.
"Innocence is a divine substance that as you have said exists to protect the world from the Earl and his evil. Its main purpose is to defeat him. I'm not sure what may happen to it once its mission is complete, but it's very probable that it will go back to the place it once came from," she said with a little hint of sadness. "It's God's power after all, a gift to protect us with, once it's over, it may go back to him," she felt sad because it will be difficult for her to say goodbye to the fragments that were kept inside her body for so long, it'll be like losing part of herself. "The heart will surely call for the other fragments to unify once again."
Allen's face bent down as he looked at his feet once more.
"Did my answer disappoint you?" she asked a little worried about the exorcist's reaction. The boy shook his head and looked at her once again; a smile on his face, but it was a really sad smile.
"No," the boy answered. "In fact, I was thinking along those lines myself," she saw how Allen's hand tightened its grip on the boy's clothed chest. "I guess it's only right for it to go."
Hevlaska wasn't used to hearing so much grief on one's voice and wanted to ask what was wrong with the child, but fortunately he continued talking.
"Hev… you know that the only reason I'm still alive is because of Crown Clown, right?" he asked softly. She knew about it. Komui kept her well informed about what happened to the accommodators, and lately, more about this child. "A Noah made a hole on my heart, and I was left to die in the woods of China. My innocence, even thought it was broken, it still saved me… a fragment of it covered the whole and it became part of my heart." Unknown to him, this was also the reason why his innocence seemed to be trying to sing at compass with the boy's heart.
That's when Hevlaska understood what he was implying. Allen Walker's heart only worked because of that piece of innocence. That fragment had become his life line. It was weird when you actually thought about it. Parasitic type innocence fed from the life of its accommodator making it shorter every single time they spent together, but if Allen Walker were to lose his innocence once more, then his life would be over. For him, it was a death sentence either way. She could understand that feeling. She was the same. The only reason she was still alive was because of the innocence.
"Are you scared?" she asked out of curiosity. She was a little scared, but had many years to cope with it, but Allen was just a child, a new born compared to her, such a young life carrying so much weight must be unbearable.
"I guess I wouldn't be human if say I'm not," he answered with complete honesty. And then he said another thing Hevlaska had never heard an exorcist say before. "But I can't help to feel so bad, after all, Crown Clown has all the right to hate me."
She gasped at his words. Till now, exorcists had professed their hate towards the innocence. This was the first time anyone was worried about innocence hating them. The boy was surely able to pull many weird statements in one night.
"Why wouldn't it want to leave me?" he said as his hand rubbed from his right shoulder to his stomach. "Knowing what I'm to become… why wouldn't it leave me… alone…"
Hev thought she knew what was under those garments. If she was right, he had a horrible scar that will forever be prove of his innocence's blade running its power through his body. Could it be that Allen believed that the attack of his own innocence meant that it hated him? Then again, it was the first time innocence attacked its own host without an order.
This situation had also caused many people to start believing that Allen was indeed becoming the fourteenth Noah. That the darkness inside of him was enough to cause the rage of his own innocence. She could only imagine what it may feel like to be attacked by your own partner, more being a parasitic type; it was as if your own body was rejecting you.
"You know? I don't really know if I'll survive till the end of this war," his voice woke her from her thoughts. "I just know I'll fight to reach the end… whether I live or die, that isn't something sure, but I won't stop till my last breath," his voice was fighting not to crack with the pressure. "I just hope that my innocence won't leave me before the end… do you think… do you think that it could put up with me for a little longer?" When he looked at her, she could see the tears forming on the corners of his eyes. He was scared, very scared, but not about dying.
Hevlaska felt a weird feeling on her chest. Allen Walker wasn't afraid of death, if he was, he wouldn't be able to be an exorcist. What Allen was afraid of was of dying alone. Of the possibility of dying without any reason, being abandoned by the innocence he had fought so hard to recover. This child was scared that the entity that had chosen him, without giving him any option, will leave him because of the other entity that had forced its way inside of him as well. At the very end, Allen had no choice on either side.
"Allen Walker…" she whispered. He seemed so feeble from her point of view. He was very tired; obviously this had made him stay many nights awake wondering in the darkness about his fate. He needed someone to comfort him. But she didn't really wanted to give the boy false hopes, Allen didn't need that. That's why she decided that the only one who could comfort the exorcist was his own innocence.
Using her tentacle-like limbs, she took him from the elevator platform, the same way she did the first time she met him.
"Hev?!" he asked confused by her actions.
"Hush child," she said as if she were talking with a little boy. "I'm going to ask your innocence, so stay calm," as he heard her voice he began to relax. If she could help him get these doubts out of his mind he would be able to let go of the incident and continue walking forward like he so desperately needed to.
She always felt a strong connection when she touched him. It was very unique. Allen was much more special than other exorcists were. He was the first child to be born with innocence. Others, even parasitic types as her, became exorcists when they came in contact with a fragment during their life. But Allen was chosen before he was technically alive, and his innocence was to become the 'destroyer of time'. A unique innocence for a unique accommodator.
She held him near her and gently placed her forehead against his. He relaxed completely at the familiar intrusion. She was searching within him.
"100%... 120%... 150%... 189%" she recited surprised with the level of synchronization of the boy, it was way higher than it was the first time he went on critical mode. In fact, only 1% more and the boy would be at the level of many generals. 10% more and no one would be able to deny him the right of being promoted, not even Leverrier. The Pope himself would ask for it.
But there was something, it was a thin layer that was blocking the innocence from going further. It was made out of doubts and fear and was blocking the way towards the general level, but beneath it laid something scarier. It was cold and had an eerily feeling around it, it seemed to be growing and made the innocence nervous. Hevlaska felt it near to the essence of dark material. Could it be the presence of the Noah? She decided to concentrate on the innocence that was trying to give a message in a rather desperate way.
"It's sorry," she mumbled.
"Ah?" Allen opened his eyes to look at her.
"Your innocence, it says, it's sorry." The boy looked at her asking silently for more. "It had wanted to tell you for very long, it's sorry for the many times it made you suffer when you were little," she was trying to translated the song of the fragment into coherent thoughts. "And it's sorry for the time it broke and left you alone." Allen was looking intently to her face as he listened. "But more than anything, it's sorry to have made you doubt yourself."
Slowly, tears fell down Allen's face; he was paying so much attention to the other exorcist that he stopped fighting them back. They fell silently as he heard what he needed to be told.
"It didn't want to hurt you. It apologizes for the mistake. Crown Clown wanted to protect you from the attack of your enemy, and didn't realize it was hurting you instead." As she looked at the boy, she was moved by the way the innocence was expressing itself using her as the mediator. "It loves you," that was the strongest thing it wanted to say. "It had loved you before you were born and will love you even after you go away."
The boy started to shake with silent sobs, it was too much. Much more than what he expected his innocence to think of him. He felt, happy.
"Allen Walker, you came here and asked me what I thought will happen to innocence once the war is over. I don't really know the answer. But I know this; your innocence won't ever leave you alone. No matter what happens to you, this innocence wants to be with you, wherever you go, it wants to go too." Allen nodded to her words, unable to stop crying as he smiled. "That's what it wanted to tell you, it's been talking to you and wishing you would hear it trying to apologize and say all the words of comfort you may need, but it is really difficult to hear."
She saw how he fought to control himself, it was really necessary for him to let it out of his system, so she held him patiently.
"It sings," was the first thing he said when he was able to talk again. She was surprised by this. "The song… is that… is that crown clown's voice Hevlaska?" he had his eyes closed as he heard the melody from inside his heart.
"You-you hear it?" she said startled, no one had heard innocence's song before.
The boy nodded softly. "It's soft… and I don't really understand what it is trying to say… it used to be mere whispers in the back of my mind… now it's more clear," definitely Allen was someone very unique. She was so impressed she couldn't help but ask.
"Allen Walker, do you love your innocence?"
The boy looked at her and smiled as a few more tears fell down.
"Of course. I love it, as I love Lenalee… as I love Lavi… as I love Komui-san… as I love all my friends, my family, even baKanda… as I love Mana and I love all akuma…" he said with a slightly tired yet joyful voice. "And as I love you too, Hevlaska."
That was why he was so special. Allen Walker who's live had being a horrible succession of terrible events, was chosen to held inside of his heart much love to give to a world that didn't loved him back. It was a child born to love and his innocence loved him for that and more. Hev felt that feeling inside of her, this boy was really able to be the hope they all had waited for. Because it was a miracle that an unloved child ever learned to love; because any other boy would have become bitter and resentful.
And that's what he had awoken in her. That's what he truly needed in the end. He needed to feel loved, for everyone needed to feel it sometime, no matter how, just to feel that everything you've done, was worthy of your effort.
Guided by that feeling she did something she hadn't done since she was still in human form. She brought his body closer to her form and using her limbs she cradle him close to her, and as if he was a little baby, she rocked him, softly from side to side.
He looked at her surprised but soon was mesmerized by the music filling his ears. Crown Clown was singing a lullaby for him to sleep. He felt his eyelids getting heavy as he fought to stay awake.
"Hev…" he said with a little worry. "I must go back…"
"Hush child," she whispered calming him down. "It will be alright. Hear your innocence, it knows you need this, just relax, every soul needs to rest from time to time," she said as he stop struggling.
The boy sighed and smiled before giving up on this unnecessary battle and finally falling asleep on her 'arms' after so many days of troubled nights. She kept on rocking him for a while as she paid close attention to the melody the innocence was singing. She was happy to found that the fragment had finally found the perfect synchronization with the child's heart. She smiled and turned slowly to the side of the room.
"He is already sleeping. You may come out of there Komui."
The supervisor came into view from behind a door on the side.
"I'm sorry to interrupt Hev. When I received signal of someone coming here I got a little worried and came. But since the elevator was taken I had to use the stairs," he explained trying to keep his voice in check so as to not wake up the sleeping exorcist. He looked tenderly at the boy in the other exorcist's 'arms'. "I didn't thought this could be what was troubling him, I was starting to get worried about his obvious lack of sleep."
Hevlaska nodded slowly.
"Allen Walker is an important exorcist and has a connection with his innocence that is beyond anything expected," she said using a limb to move the hair form Allen's face. "We are lucky that he came to us. And more than lucky that he is so decided on his mission."
Komui nodded and then frown.
"But the price he pays for this is much greater than what I would like it to be." He got near to them as he talked. "Hev, do you think Allen will die if his innocence goes away?"
"I'm afraid that is very probable," she confessed.
"I see." Komui looked down for an instance, but then cheered up again. "Hehe, I'll just have to find a way to help him if that happens."
"Even if you don't find it," she said calling his attention. "Crown Clown will."
"As long as the human isn't destroyed, the innocence will come to his aid, for the real strength belongs to the determination and love of a human's heart," he recited with a smile. "Lenalee heard him say that in the ark. Allen is very unique, that's for sure. He's brought hope and strength to us all, sometimes I even forget that he is just a sixteen year old… I guess we can trust our future on those hands." He smiled in a brotherly way as he added: "But, we will be the ones who held those hands till the very end, right, Hev?"
She nodded as answer.
"Well, I better take him back to his room," he declared and Hevlaska slowly moved the sleeping boy to his waiting arms. "We don't want the inspector to notice, right? Oh, and I'll tell Jerry to feed him more food. These past days had taken their toll on him, he's too thin for my linking," he said laughing softly as he walked to the door, but before he could get out, the door opened and Inspector Howard Link entered the room. Komui looked nervously at the calm face of the inspector.
The young man came to Komui and gently took his charge from the supervisor's hands and turned to leave. Komui felt a little scared of what the inspector may say about Allen's little escape.
"Inspector, about Allen coming here tonight…" he started. "Please don't-"
"I don't know what you are talking about, Supervisor Lee," said the indifferent voice of the young man as he looked back at the supervisor. "Allen Walker stayed in his room all night sleeping peacefully after almost a week and a half of insomnia. I, for my part, have nothing of interest to report to my superiors, I hope you understand, goodnight." And with that, the inspector left.
Komui smiled and turned to Hevlaska.
"Are you sure it's alright?" she asked.
"Yes," he answered. "No matter how serious he looks, Link can be nice sometimes. And when it comes to Allen, the inspector seems to have a weak spot." And with a smile he said: "It's impossible not to love that boy"
…I will never cease to pray.
Oh please, show this child what love is.
Please give a kiss to his hands you hold.
That's all. Hope you enjoyed it.
Again thank you for having read this, and don't forget to leave your opinions on your reviews.