Hello, hello. My name is Phoenix, and I am writing this fic-type-thingee for your entertainment. I am happy to say that this is not a kid Al fic. It doesn't even have Al in it. So R&R, sug', because I just spoke in a Dolly Pardon-style southern accent, so now you have to do what I say. MWAHAHAHA!!!

Nny walked alone through a dark alley. He was on his way to get a Mr. Freezy, even though it was 3 a.m. He heard a slight noise and looked over his shoulder. Nny saw no one, so he shrugged and continued about his way.

A few seconds later, he heard it again. It had better not be that damned Chihuahua again, thought Nny. He reminded himself of the two knives he had hidden in his pocket. He would use them if ever the need arose.

When Nny heard the sound again, he snatched the blades out of his pocket, turned around and started yelling. "DAMN YOU!! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME?!" he demanded. "DO YOU KNOW SOMETHING?!"

Suddenly, a figure emerged from the shadows. It was short, skinny, with hair resembling a palm tree. Nny couldn't tell if it was male or female. Looking at the face, he would have guessed male, but the fact that it was wearing a skirt convinced him otherwise.

"Who are you?" asked Nny. The thing grinned.

"My name is Envy," it replied. "I have two messages for you. One: YOUR SCENE IS DEAD!!! GOTH!!!" Nny frowned, holding one knife closer to Envy. "Two…" Envy took a deep breath and shouted, "EDWARD ELRIC IZ HOTT EVEN THOUGH HE IZ MAH BROTHERRR!!!"

Nny raised an eyebrow. "First of all, my scene is not dead, so shut the fuck up. Second, who the hell is Edward Elric, and why is he so damn hot to you, you strange, incestuous palm tree."

Envy looked at him for a while. "Ramen." It then laughed hysterically.

"YOU'RE WORSE THAN HAPPY GODDAMN FUCKING NOODLE BOY!!" Nny sighed. "I really should pity you. You like your own brother, and you're either one dog-ugly girl or you have gender issues."

"RWAR!! GENKI!!" (Yeah, I don't get it either)

Nny stared. "I'm going to kill you now."


Nny then chopped Envy up into little bitty pieces so fast that the Philosopher's stone inside of him couldn't regenerate him quickly enough, so he died.

Meanwhile, in Hagaren land, the Elric brothers were walking somewhere for some reason. Ed stopped in his tracks.

Al looked back. "What's wrong, Brother?"

"I get the sudden urge to laugh and sing and dance. Like a great pain in my ass has gone away forever."

"Yeah," said Al. "I do too."

Ed looked up at his brother. "Do you want to sing with me, Al?" he asked.

Al made a face. "Uh… no?"

The end. ^-^

Oh, yay. That was fun, wasn't it? Now it's time for me to go, kiddles, and remember, this is only the first of many JTHM fics, so be sure to come back and check. I'll keep on writing. Osu!