Warnings: Mild everything

I do not own any of the characters, all belongs to Janet Evanovich.

Nashville Takedown 101

So here I am, dressed in cow girl boots, and an outfit that could rival Daisy Duke, (you know breasts up and out, ass just barely covered) surrounded by four Merry Men dressed as cowboys and we were singing a duet by Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers entitled Islands in the stream... I bet you're wondering how this happened. Me too.


"No" I growled

"Babe" He was smirking at me.

"No way Ranger. No way is anyone going to fall for that. I'm not doing it. I don't sing." I was pacing back and forth in front of him as he sat on the couch in his office. Distraction my ass, the plan was ridiculous.

"Please" Damn him and his pleases. He knows I can't resist him when he's says that word.

"Jerk" I grumbled. His hand shot out and he pulled me into his lap

"I love you too Babe" I rolled my eyes at him but melted on the inside. It still made me feel all warm and fuzzy whenever he said those words to me.

I think I grumbled something with a positive inclination to his idea under my breath.

"It's any easy plan Babe. Nice and simple" He had assured me before laying a bone melting kiss on my lips.

End Flashback

Nice and simple my ass. Myself, Lester, Bobby, Woody and Ram were to be the performers at a Country and Western festival in Nashville. That's right, I kid you not. Ranger had flown a whole team of Rangeman, me and himself to Nashville to catch a skip. Personally I didn't think any skip was worth this much trouble.

Woody and I were supposed to be impersonating singers while Lester, Bobby and Ram were meant to be our country western back up dancers. I don't know if you've ever seen a Hispanic man and his ghetto brothers trying to break it down to a country beat...just let me tell you this, it was not amusing, especially when I was stuck up on stage here with these clowns until Ranger and Tank located the skip.

The song finally ended and we all sprinted off stage for our break between sets. That's right, we had actual completed a whole set. We sunk into the chairs in the backstage area.

"Ranger and Tank better hurry up, I don't know how long I can keep this shit up for" Bobby complained on my left.

"I still don't get the part where this is a distraction" I muttered bitterly.

"Beautiful, any man out there would have their eyes glued to your chest and wouldn't be paying any damn attention to anything around him, trust me" Lester chuckled from my right.

"SANTOS!" I pulled the earpiece out of my ear at Ranger's growl. Ouch.

Suddenly, the event organiser walked up and frowned at us.

"You aren't really country music performers are you? You know what; I don't even want the answer to that question. Either you pull your acts together and sing something half decent and learn how to dance or I'm pulling your act and Farmer Bob is gonna do his spoons routine" The man screamed before stomping off.

"Right!" I exclaimed jumping to my feet. "We've gotta protect our phony baloney jobs, gentlemen! On your feet!" I ordered. Grumbling the Merry Men stood and gave me that look like they were expecting me to do something crazy…well I was and so were they but I didn't need their attitude.

"Lester, I need your CD collection stat" He reached into his duffle and threw the case at me. I flipped through it and selected the one I wanted. Hopefully this was something they could dance to; it at least had a good strong beat.

"Put this in. Track four. I'm going to go out there and sing and shake my ass, and you four are going to follow my lead. Any questions?" I commanded.

"Bombshell, I think you need to spend less time with Ranger" Woody chuckled.

"Silence! Hit play Ram." I demanded.

"Bomber, are you sure about this?" Ram wondered after he handed the CD off to the sound tech guy.

"We're going to do this and it's going to be good" I smirked and strutted my way onto the stage as Destiny's Child Lose my Breath started playing.

We danced our asses off, I know because I was having a hard time trying to NOT watch the guys' asses. Half way through the song their shirts disappeared and that's when I think we converted a whole mass crowd of country music fanatics to RnB.

The song finished and the crowd erupted in applause. Wow, who'd have thunk it? We heard Ranger's voice come over our earpieces as we collapsed backstage once again.

"Skip restrained, locked and loaded" Thank freaking God for that.

"You're all FIRED!" The manager shouted from halfway down the hall. I shrugged, we'd tried our best and it had gotten our real job done.

"Amen to that!" Woody shouted, punching knuckles with the other guys. Suddenly I found the light blocked out. Tipping my head back, I found Ranger standing before me, a smirk playing on his lips.

"You never disappoint Babe" He murmured, pulling me to my feet for a deep kiss. "But if you ever dance like that in public again there will be trouble. I expect a private showing tonight" He whispered in my ear. "Let's move out gentlemen!" He ordered to his men and swung me up into his arms.

Yep, as crazy as my life was, it was damn good to be me.

The End