Written by Frankie.

Would the Real Father Please Stand Up?

POV Rewind

" Rewind… Could you get me the hot pad…?" Frankie's meek voice makes it way through the wooden door separating us. I quietly open her bedroom door and creep towards the nearest outlet, already armed with the pad.

"What is this? A cave?" I pull my sleeves down of my hoodie. I take a quick look 'round the room. All the windows down, TV tuned in on Avatar, fan on the highest level, and all lights off. Frankie has practically imprisoned herself in quilts.

" Tell me what's wrong." I breathe out and plug in the hot pad. Frankie's hand creeps out of the quilts and takes the pad.

" I am of child." She plainly states and returns her attention to the fire bending on the telly.

" May I ask who the lucky fellow is?"

" Ain't that rude? If you don't leave soon my pregnant hormones will kick your arse." With that final statement from Frankie, I quickly retreat the room.

********* One Awkward Meeting in the Club House Later********

" So are you saying that Frankie's pregnant?" Black Star ask from his place at the end of the Hexagon Table.

" That's exactly what Rewind's saying! Were you not paying attention?!" Kankuro jumps from his seat in frustration. Keiichi pulls down Kankuro back to his seat.

" So she refused to tell you who the father is. We can always take a DNA test", Iggy says as he blankly stares at the table ,"You said you saw Frankie's mum bring her sleeping pills before you left, right?"

" Don't forget the baby hasn't been born yet. Rewind said she only seemed 'bout few weeks in." Gasman points out.

"The baby clearly belongs to me. I am one of her husbands' after all." Mello chirps in. Greed and Matsuda threw Mello a death glare that could kill.

"Laszlo don't even say the baby's yours because you're a husband too!" , In the corner of my eye, Laszlo slowly lowers his hand, disappointment plastered on his face. "I'm her first husband! Must be me!", Kankuro brutally yells at the top of his lungs.

"Jack is the father. He looked very satisfied when I passed him in the hall." Sasori raises his puppet hand.

" Yes! I knew it was me!" Jack Spicer throws his fist in the air in triumph.

" He said Jack you idiot! He obviously meant the all famous Capitan Jack Sparrow!" Jack points a dirty finger in the other Jack's direction.

"Me! Me Jack!" The Jack from 'The Black Tattoo' appoints himself.

" Jack as in Jack the Cat. You know how horny that cat is." With no emotion Sasori breathes out the words.

" I might be the dad! Just 'cause Becca and Frankie are having trouble with custody on me doesn't mean I'm not the dad! Besides~, everyone knows I love a high school girl." Shigure throws in his statement. Suddenly the whole room is in an uproar of who is the father. Out of nowhere the fish from Spongebob that does the news pops up.

" It appears Gasman, Iggy, and Deidara have teamed up and are now creating bombs! Sasori and Kankuro are teaming up on the Jacks! Greed is ripping out Mello's perfectly groomed golden locks! This just in, Keiichi has swallowed Kenny whole! You bastard! Raimundo, Black Star, and Shinigami-Sama are bitch slapping Shigure and Beast Boy! Inuyasha has killed Kenny once again—"

"Stop that damn announcing!" Lavi crushes the fish with his enormous hammer. Toon Link, Link, and Suigetsu proceed to cut up the remains of the fish with their swords.

"Stop! Everyone just stop! This is getting us nowhere fast!" Sokka exclaims from his place on top of the table.

"You're making Frankie sound like a giant slut." Ryoko also stands next to Sokka.

"I do say, that is not the appropriate image for young Frankie. More of… Bipolar Greek." V's voice echoes throughout the room. Everyone searches for him as heads turn left, right, and other directions. I spot him on one of the ceiling pillars sipping tea, or at least attempting to with his mask on.

"You're too noble of a man to be here V!" Leon yells with Nozomu Sensei in a mid-punch.

"I agree but this category of human nature is simply too curious for me to resist." V replies, he attempts another sip of tea until he finally gives up.

"What the hell is Nicolette doing here?!" Kotetsu screams, breaking the silence. He still has Chouji and Ryuk in a headlock. Nicolette stands in the middle of the room holding a large pillow.

" O' you see I had a dream like this and—" She's suddenly cut off.

" Get your ass out of here. Now." Venom nearly drips off Ulquiorra's words. When the hell did he show up?

" This is pointless. By Darwin's Law only the strongest will thrive." Laszlo squeaks from his place under a huge dog pile with Rorschach at the top.

" In other words, we need to get Lucy and Shion in here. Then whoever is the last to survive is the rightful father!" Roy and Hughes exclaim in excitement, Roy's finger in mid snap. Everyone in the room turns their head in his direction. The word 'seriously' hangs above the crowd.

" I have an idea." Kaoru finally speaks up.

***************One 'Kidnapping' Later*************

" Guys I still feel like crap, so if you could kindly let me go home~~" Frankie lays under the Hexagon Table cocooned in a quilt. Everyone has followed her lead and sit with anticipation 'round her.

" You can go home as soon as you tell us who is the father of your child." I place a warm hand on her shoulder. She slowly turns her head my way and opens her mouth 'bout to speak.

" I swear to all that is tofu if Tobi is the dad I'll do you the favor of punching your stomach." Beast Boy blurts out before Frankie can talk.

" You all do realize I haven't even slept with more than half of you guys?" Frankie states as she hunches over the floor. All the males create a loud murmur.

" She is right, I mean, I'm with her almost 24/7."

" It's true. Rewind does live in my backpack, pocket, and sometimes…" Frankie points a painted neon green finger at her cleavage. She then holds up five fingers representing something unknown.

" Five possible padres… The hubbies, Rewind, and Shigure—"

" Yeah, mothers! Take that—", Shigure nearly knocks over the table as he hits his head. "Damn that hurt!"

" What? As soon as I became an official freshman… He wouldn't stop singing!" Frankie throws as her defense. She places her hands on her head and lets out a deep sigh.

" This is giving me a headache, seriously. The truth is I'm having a food baby. Not a real baby." The whole room goes into an entire frenzy over the newfound information.

" I always have a food baby after Greek Christmas! You should know that by now…"

" Do you want a baby though?" Kankuro asks with a little hope and a smirk.

"Well—"

"Frankie should bear the child of a man who has surpassed God!" Black Star makes his way through the crowd and drags Frankie out from under the table.

" Wait a damn minute! That's my woman child you're taking!" Mello pulls out a gun from his pants and pursues the couple. What I really want to know is how Mello hid that gun in those pants…

"Rewind save me! I'm too young to be impregnated! Open the pod!" Frankie demands. I scurry over to the wall and punch in the password to activate it. I hear the rest of the group behind me start a riot. The pod appears out of the ground.

" Frankie get over—What is stuck to your braces? Did your mouth get stuck in the carpet again?" I point to the unknown green, purple, and neon substance in her teeth.

"Never mind that! Get in the pod!" She takes hold of my hand and drags me into the pod. Why do I have the feeling we're not alone?

" Hey Franks, what stupid situation are you in this time?" I turn 'round and see Timmy Turner and his Godparents floating 'bove him.

" I can explain… Zoe my goshness it's Cosmo!!"

" We have to get out of here! Timmy wish us out!" Wanda goes into a sudden frenzy.

" Why would I do that? They're just two idiots bonding." Timmy shrugs his shoulders and sits next to me on the metal floor.

" No really! The last time Frankie and Cosmo were together—"

"And that children is why the surviving human population had to settle on the moon." The soon-retiring teacher slowly closes the book and settles into her chair a little more relaxed. One of the boys in the back raises his hand.

" How did Mello hide a gun in his pants?" The young boy waits for an answer.

"Scientists are still trying to figure it out."

" What happened to them?" A small girl doesn't even bother to raise her hand.

" Her and Cosmo impregnated the other. Since he is a fairy and she a human, both double the baby count. Thus starting a revolution!" The teacher answers with a warm smile.

" The Earth filled with stupid human/fairy people now? But what will happen if they make a space ship to the moon?!"

" No worries little one. Lord Rebecca-Sama will protect us with her mystical alchemy—"

"And that children is why we live on Mars."

End.

Rotflmao. I'm scared, too, don't worry, we're helping Frankie. C/O list…Frankie made it. Good thing, too cuz I don't know who half those ppl were XD:
Frankie: The chick who is stupid 'nough to write this.
Rebecca: Meh buddy.
Rewind: The little dude who lives in my backpack.
Mello: Death Note. (hubby)
Keiichi: Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni
Timmy Turner: Fairly Odd Parents
Cosmo: Fairly Odd Parents
Wanda: Fairly Odd Parents
Black Star: Soul Eater
Greek Christmas: It is what it sounds like and my family Greek Christmas is crazy!!
Food Baby: Nicolette, my cousin, coined this term.
Laszlo: Love at Stake Series (hubby)
Rorschach: Watch Men
Jack the Cat: My tabby cat. We have a long history and he is a little 'happy' sometimes.
Captain Jack Sparrow: Pirates of the Caribbean
Jack Spicer: Xaolin Showdown
Jack: "The Black Tattoo"
Kankuro: Naruto (hubby)
Beast Boy: Teen Titans
Tobi: Naruto
Sasori: Naruto
Deidara: Naruto
Gasman: Maximum Ride
Iggy: Maximum Ride
Shigure: Fruits Basket
Roy: Full Metal Alchemist
Greed: Full Metal Alchemist
Hughes: Full Metal Alchemist
Lucy: Elfen Lied
Shion: Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni
Raimundo: Xaolin Showdown
Sokka: Avatar
Lavi: D. Grey Man
Inuyasha: Inuyasha… Duh
Toon Link and Link: Brawl and other Zelda Games
Ryoko: Soul Eater
Kotetsu: Naruto, one of the special minor characters. Special 'cause he gets more attention than other minor characters.
Ulquirras: Bleach
Chouji: Naruto
Ryuk: Death Note
Flossmoor: The village I live in. Yeah, it is called the Village of Flossmoor!! We're too small to be called a town! Not only that, you pronounce Flossmoor as 'floss more'!! Seriously?!?
Nicolette: My cousin
Anouncer fish: Spongebob
Shinigama-Sama: Soul Eater
Kenny: South Park
Matsuda: Death Note
Suigetsu: Naruto
Kaoru: Ouran High School Host Club
V: V for Vendetta
Leon: Resident Evil 4

Well, if you weren't laughing hysterically by the end of that, you have problems. hehehehe I'm 'Lord Rebecca-Sama'! ^_^ I'm gonna use that in one of mine XD