This was written by me (Rebecca).
Death of a Ninja
"I'm Naruto Ukumaki, believe it! Ramen, ramen, ramen, believe it! I'm going to be the next Hokage, believe it!" Naruto paused. "I'm going to be a perverted bastard, believe it!"
"Did you know that every time Naruto says 'believe it', a ninja dies?" Becky inquired.
"So," I said, "which four ninjas died?"
"I'm sorry to interrupt the program, but we have an urgent announcement!" the talking fish newscaster from Spongebob said.
"We're in a show?" I asked.
"I guess," Becky replied.
"Four ninjas have just been found dead from an unexpected heart attack!" the fish announced.
I fell down onto my knees and looked up into the sky, throwing my arms upward. "Damn you, Kira!"
"You don't even know which four died yet," Becky said and paused, "and what's wrong with Kira?"
I stood up. "Oh, yeah." I ignored her other question. Kira almost killed one of the most important people to me—Near, aka Nate River, why wouldn't I hate him.
"The names of the ninjas are FWOOP." The TV and all the lights in the room turned off.
"Noooooo!" I collapsed on my knees and grabbed the TV, shaking it. "Who died?" I cried, "Which four—"
"—five ninjas are no longer with us?"
"Uhhh, Rebecca, aren't you a ninja?" Becky asked.
I stood up again and brushed the dust off my clothes, facing her. "Yeah, but I'm from the Hexagon village; and no one cares about us.
"Doesn't that mean you'll die first?"
"…oh shit!" I yelled. "How do I stop being a ninja?"
"Unless…" I swirled back around to face her and grabbed her shoulders.
"Tell me how, woman!"
"You could get pregnant. Then you have to stay home and take care of the kid."
I sank to my knees and hit my fist on the ground in defeat.
"What's wrong with Rebecca?" Frankie asked walking into the room.
"Naruto said 'believe it' five times and the TV went out before the fish from Spongebob could say who died. Then she remembered that she's from the Hexagon village and since nobody cares about them, she's gonna die first," Becky explained.
"Which fish? The 'my leg', one?"
"No, the only real fish in the entire show."
"Oh, yeah. How did they die?"
"Unexplained heart attack, otherwise known as Kira."
"Wouldn't she already be dead if it was Kira?" I froze with banging my head into the wall and glomped Frankie from behind.
"You are so right, Frankie!"
"I always am!...What am I right about this time?"
I hopped off of her. "That if Kira killed me, I would already be dead. And since I'm not dead, I'm fine!" I exclaimed.
"Who said you were fine?" Tsunade said from behind me. I turned around slowly and looked at her. She cracked her knuckles rather loudly.
"I wasn't in the hospital recently."
"That doesn't mean anything for your mental health," she said. I swallowed nervously. "Come with me." She grabbed my arm and dragged me away.
"Help, guys!" I screamed. "Ahhhhh!!!!"
"Poor Rebecca," Becky said.
"Yeah," Frankie agreed. "Want to go get a popsicle?"
~At the Hospital~
"You're going to stay in this nice yellow padded room until I say so," Tsunade said, pushing me in.
"You can't just leave me here!" I screamed.
"I can and I am." She slammed the door closed.
I sallowed and made a full circle in my padded room "This isn't so bad. I don't have doctors annoying me all the time, Kira can't get my face, the missing-nin after me will have to get past all the doctors and ANBU and other nins out there, I won't get that popsicle I wanted—" I stopped. "Nooooooo!!!!! I really wanted that popsicle!" I was lying on the ground sobbing.
"Bahahahahahaha!" I froze.
"Who's there?" I asked.
"Bahahahahahaha!" I looked up and as met with the smiling face of Spongebob and all his spongy yellowness.
"Holy shit!" I ran over to the door, my steps squeaking as I ran, and pounded on it. "Let me out of here!"
"Bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" I collapsed on the floor and spasmed as the word went black. "Bahahahahahahahahahaha!" echoed into the darkness.
~At the Hokage's office in Konaha~
"Why do you think the Hokage wanted us?" Frankie asked. "I don't even belong to this village." She readjusted the Hexagon village headband on her forehead.
"Probably ran out of money again, or she's drunk and forgot that you don't live here," Becky said. "I'm not even a ninja. I have no idea why I'm still here in a ninja village."
"Because you love me and Rebecca."
"We still have to get Rebecca out of that hospital. She's been in it for a few months."
"I know," Frankie replied.
"Damn it. I hate that damn woman," Naruto mumbled. "Not allowing me to say that, just because a few ninjas died." Becky and Frankie stopped and listened to Naruto mumble.
"Hey, Naruto!" Frankie said. "What's wrong?"
He looked up. "The damn Hokage made a law that said I couldn't say the one phrase that 'sequently' killed a few ninjas here and there. It saved me once," he defended.
"You mean, 'believe it'?" Becky asked.
"Yes!" he moaned. "I have to go. She wants you to go right in by the way." He walked away.
"Poor guy" Frankie said. "That was like his favorite phrase." Becky nodded in agreement.
They walked over to the Hokage's door and pushed it open. The room looked the same except a high back chair and the back of it was facing them.
"Hokage-sama?" Frankie asked. "What exactly are we needed for?"
"Oh good!" I exclaimed, spinning the chair around. I laughed out loud at Frankie and Becky's shocked faces. "Oh, don't be so surprised! Tsunade shouldn't be allowed to gamble."
"But why are you in the Hokage's office?" Becky asked.
"I'm acting Hokage for the day!" I exclaimed. "I bet Tsunade that I wouldn't be able to get out of the padded room she set me in and after I went insane and blacked out, they took me out of the room and checked me over in the hospital. So, I won the bet and became acting Hokage for the day."
"But she put you in the room five months ago. Why are you now the acting Hokage?" Frankie asked.
"Because I only got out two days ago. I was lying in that room for a very long time. Anyway, onto the mission!" I exclaimed. "This is a very important S-Class mission! I need both of you to go obtain me…a popsicle!!!" I was standing with my one hand high up in the air pointing upwards. My left foot was resting on the chair in front of my desk, while my right foot was on the ground and fireworks went off behind me.
Becky and Frankie sweatdropped.
"I'll handle this," Frankie said. She walked up to my desk, grabbed a paper plate out of her back pocket and set it on the desk. She rubbed her hands together as if preparing to do something. She clapped her hands once and closed her eyes, and then five seconds later she put her hands down on either side of the plate. Blue light surrounded the plate and when it disappeared all that was left was a cherry popsicle sitting on the paper plate.
I hugged her as hard as I could. "Thank you, Frankie! I've been wanting that popsicle forever."
"How did you do that?" Becky asked as I picked up the popsicle and started licking the cherry goodness.
"I don't care, it's good."
"I am known as the Food Alchemist in other…ummm places that are far from here. I have the ability to create any food I want."
"What happened to my popsicle!?" a little girl screamed from down on the street.
I glared at the short haired ninja-alchemist.
"I didn't steal her popsicle, if that's what you're thinking," she said. "That's just how my alchemy works."
"So, it's stealing?" Becky asked.
"Rebecca!" Tsunade screamed, slamming open the door.
"Yes, Tsunade-sama?" I asked calmly.
"Get out," she all but growled, pointing towards the door.
"Gladly. You have a wonderful view by the way. Come on, guys." I started walking out of the room. "I'm sure the Hexakage is missing two of his best nins by now."
"The Hexakage wouldn't know his way out of a green cardboard box," Frankie commented.
"What does the color have to do with it?" I asked.
"It just does!"
"Guys, guys, guess what!?" a giant talking panda shouted, running up to us. The panda was dressed in purple earmuffs and a scarf.
"What, Miss Fluffleuffullkins?" I asked, jumping and grabbing the pandas paws in my two hands.
"Remember those five ninjas that died at the beginning of this chapter?"
I started crying and sank to the floor. "Yes," I sniffed.
"Well, I know who they are."
I jumped up again and grabbed her shoulders. "Tell. Me," I growled.
"Umm…ummm…Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, Kenny McCormick, and Craig Tucker."
"Wait a second," I said. "Those people are from South Park. They aren't ninjas!"
"They are in the episode Good Times With Weapons," Miss Fluffleuffullkins said.
I laughed. "I remember that episode."
Miss Fluffleuffullkins started shaking violently and let out a tremendous roar. Her teeth became sharp points and her fur stood up on end.
"Shit! You guys, we need to move now."
Suddenly, Gai-Sensai jumped in front of us. "Run, girls! Your youthfulness needs to live on! I will protect you from this unyouthful beast!" he said and flashed us his nice guy pose.
"Right, guys," I said, pulling them away just as Miss Fluffleuffullkins smashed her giant teeth around Gai and bit off the top half of his body, splattering blood all over.
"Ewwwww," Becky whined. "I got blood on my new shirt."
"Why did you kill Gai off?" Frankie asked.
I shrugged. "He annoys me."
Five minutes later we were standing on the outer wall staring down at Miss Fluffleuffullkins rampaging throughout Konoha.
"Should we go help?" Becky asked.
"Neh," Frankie said.
"Not our problem. We don't live here. Let's go home," I said and jumped off the wall into the forest. Frankie jumped off after me.
"Umm, guys," Becky said, still on the wall. "A little help! Guys! I'm not a ninja!" She sat down and stared down at Konoha. "Well, shit."
Don't ask where this came from. I was in gym after I finished my final and I just started writing and well, I'm not really sure. I think the stress of finals finally got to me. *sweatdrops*
Naruto Ukumaki: Naruto duh…main character
wat he's saying at the very beginning: from the youtube video 'Narutarded' by Rockinmuffin
Becky: my friend
Spongebob: if you don't know who that is, you had no life as a kid
the fish newscaster: the only real fish in all of Spongebob
Kira: Death Note…main bad guy
Near (Nate River): Death Note, my hubby (one of um anyway)
Hexagon Village: doesn't really exist according to Frankie and Jessica, but on allanimedvd. com they sell headbands for it
Frankie: my other friend
Tsunade: Naruto, "Legendary Sucker", she's like 50, but looks 20, medic-nin
yellow padded room: picture the episode of Spongebob where Mrs. Puff goes to jail
ANBU: Naruto, the assignation force
Bahahahahahaha: Spongebob's laugh just fyi
Hokage: Naruto, leader of Konoha
Konoha: Naruto, Village Hidden in the Leaves
-sama: great respect for someone
Food Alchemist: Frankie's alchemist name
Alchemy: can't explain, just look it up in FullMetal Alchemist terms
Hexakage: Leader of the Hexagon Village
Miss Fluffleuffullkins: …I have no idea, I modeled her after my keychain on my phone from Borders
Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, Kenny McCormick, Craig Tucker: South Park, the four main characters and another random child from the show
Gai-Sensai: Naruto, may be spelled Guy, but I have no idea. He just annoys me in the show
Please review, my friends and then you will get more crack filled stories like this one! Next week, Amputation!