After my nine years on the X-Files I had come to learn one important thing that help me keep my sanity. Deny Everything. These two simple words got through some of the worst times in my life, saving me from death and a lifetime of loneliness. Never would I have thought that these two words would once fail me, or better yet I would fail them. Never did I think a moment would arise that I couldn't easily deny whatever the accusation was, but alas it did, and these two words crumbled to the ground along with the world around me.
When I was taken away I denied the fact it was by aliens, as Mulder so strongly pushed, when I became ill with cancer I denied the fact it would kill me, I wouldn't allow it; when I found out I couldn't have children I denied the knowledge of the doctors, of myself and still believed one day I would hold in my arms child of my own, and look where that one got me.
When I looked into the face of a little girl I believed to be my niece I denied the fact she was my own daughter, for sometime; when Mulder traveled to Antarctica to save me I denied his accusations of seeing a flying saucer just as I so inconveniently passed out, and when Mulder was abducted and taken from me I denied to everybody in the FBI that it was not by a UFO, at least once they grew tired of hearing me rant on about it. I also denied, and honestly refused to believe, the fact I was pregnant until I could finally feel the small fetus kicking from within my womb. Just as I have denied everything they tell me my son is, some genetic super soldier that will one day rule the world, I have denied the voices in my head telling me I have failed as a mother, that I have failed my precious William and his father.
I have come to live by these two words letting them be nothing more than my life, letting them consume me and take over any and all emotion until all I am left to do is deny. Mulder was the only one to ever let me see, let me believe, even after years of denying my love for him, he helped me, and besides Mulder I had never planned on anybody getting me to stray from my denial. That is until today.
To save Mulder's life I just spoke of everything I denied, everything I had tried to tell myself didn't happen. I told the men in the stone trial room that day all about my work on the X-Files, all about the conspiracies, everything I tried so hard to keep in the back of my mind so I could sleep at night, it was now on the table and out on the open. As I peek over to Mulder now and again, a smug smile rests upon his face, he is happy his life's work, our pursuit, is getting some truth to befall upon it.
The chair is cold and though there are few people in the room I feel all there eyes staring at me, as if judging me. Skinner is done asking questions leaving Agent Kallenbrunner to question me. He gets up and begins to mock me about aliens running around and wanting really cool proof, I began to think if this agent was fresh out of the academy. The next words out of his mouth would forever echo in my head.
"Agent Scully, isn't it true that you and Mulder were lovers and you got pregnant and had his love child?"
"Objection!" I faintly heard Skinner call out, but it was too late, the damage was done.
Yes, Mulder and I were lovers, in fact we still are, and yes I did get pregnant but that was after trying so hard to conceive and thinking we had failed and yes I did have Mulder's child, our sweet little boy conceived out of love, because his parents loved each other and him very much. But the way he said it made it seem as if my son was some unwanted product between a whore and a married man, when in fact he was a miracle to two people who were madly in love.
I looked over to Mulder and watch as he shakes his head, no he tells me. This time, I must not agree, but I also do not deny for this accusation I am proud of. Mulder mouths its ok before I get up and leave, he knows I am hurt by the words, he also knows I am done with the denial, I have spent most of my life denying everything, perhaps it was time I started to take things for what they were.
I know it's a little short, but its just something I came up with the other day. I was watching this episode and right when that guy said that my dad came into the room and yelled "Deny Everything!" I started laughing so hard my sides still hurt.
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P.S. I don't own the X-Files