Seeing Is Not Always Believing

Oh, it was him, him and only him that I could focus on.

Dark haired and smothering brown eyes, together in a suit,

Indirectly causing me to hate the flood of feelings.

Regret, sorrow, what-ifs swirling around

Like a projector displaying a family movie to an audience.

Exchanging awkward talks of "how are you(s)?"

Without getting anywhere, just useless pleasantries.

Denying out loud thoughts of:

'Are you over me? Please don't. I'm still in love with you.'

Only I've never said those three notable words to him.

Then I see Missy, and crimson fire coursed through me.

Who does she think she is?

Is he seriously with her?

Ignorant jealousy forcefully shoved itself to the forefront.

Fine, two can play that game.

I will not be date-less at the reception.

Why hello Nick Lachey I sweet-talked.

The rest of the evening became a competition of sizzling exhibits.

Then he left with her and I know I should feel glad that I "won," but I don't.

I've lost more than I would like to admit.

Unexpectedly, he's standing here, giving me an ultimatum:

Asking me to dance or tell him I love him.

I choose dancing because love has never been easy and I'm quickly getting scared again.

How can I be feeling all this when he's holding me so securely

Like he wishes I wouldn't let go which I've done countless times before,

And still have feelings of wanting to run away become evermore prevalent?

I've broken his heart and I've broken mine, all for the sake of we're not going to last.

I don't know how to let love in.

"I'm sorry Julian. I can't."

A/N: I regret that I didn't take the time to edit this better so that the final version could be read my everyone the way it should be read. Sorry. I just wanted to post something pretty quickly since it feels kind of weird that I haven't in a while (for me anyway LOL). I've been working on my beading.