Pigwidgeon's Bite

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter blah blah blah. You know what I mean. No need to tell you. Just don't sue me. I'm not making moolah out of this.

A/N: I'm a young writer, and this is my first fan fic ever. Please review and tell me how you find this first chapter. Thanks!

Chapter I: "Manhood"

It was a bright, sunny day. A good day for a good old game of Quidditch, thought Harry. Suddenly, Harry had an overwhelming urge to hop on his Firebolt and fly far, far away. He knew why. This was the day he swore he'd tell Ron about her. Her. I'd better get this over with, Harry thought.

He raced to the portrait of the Fat Lady.  The Fat Lady was fixing her dress (so as not to show her bulging tummy) when he got there, and when she saw Harry, she quickly let go of her dress.

"Password?" the Fat Lady said, rather snippily. Harry figured that the Fat Lady was embarrassed, so he let it pass. "Gargoyle's breath," he answered. The Fat Lady snorted and swung forward to admit him. He raced up to the boys' dormitory and found Ron sitting up, his bed unmade and wearing a scorn.

"What's the matter? Did you have a nightmare?"  Harry asked.

 "Something like that!"  Ron said, only it came out like the bark of a very angry dog. Harry was sure this was not the time to tell Ron about her. Then Harry noticed a small lump underneath Ron's blanket. He moved towards it, and threw it back. It was Pigwidgeon, Ron's minute owl. Harry knew Pig could be annoying at times.

"He bit me!" Ron exclaimed. "The stupid git woke me up and bit me t-t-there. Down there!"  At this, Harry was puzzled. Then he saw Ron pointing at his –er-- private region. Harry tried to keep a straight face, rather unsuccessfully, but when he saw Ron's face, he stopped abruptly.  Ron looked like he was capable of murder. Pigwidgeon, seeing Ron in a fit of fury, flew out the window in a flash.

"You think that's funny, huh? Well, it wouldn't be so darn funny if it happened to you! What if I became an invalid? My manhood is at stake, and you're laughing?" Ron yelled to his Harry's face.

At this, Harry burst out laughing. "Your manhood is at stake? Your MANHOOD?" Harry said in between his laughing fits.

"Laugh if you want! Some friend you are!" Ron spat out. He stood up and let out a loud yelp of pain.

 "What?" Harry asked, startled.

"Augh!!! It hurts!"  Ron replied, his face a mask of pain.

"Erm- why don't you um, er, try to look at it?" Harry suggested in a small voice.

"Look at it?" Ron repeated, as if the thought never crossed his mind before.

"Um, yes, to see if it's swollen or anything," Harry explained, as if he was talking to a five-year-old child.

"O-h-Kay," Ron said in small voice. He looked down on his trousers, then slowly started to unzip the zipper. Harry leaned over out of instinct.

"Don't look at it!" Ron frantically said to Harry.

 "Okay, okay, so I won't take a look at it. It's not like I don't have one of my own!" he added in a low voice so Ron wouldn't hear. Harry turned his back to Ron. Then he heard Ron's moan.

"So? How bad is it?" Harry asked.

 "I-er-I think you'd better um, see for yourself," whispered Ron. So Harry turned around to face him and saw Ron's–um-injury. Harry hardly swore, but this time, he did. Loudly.

"I'd better take you to Madame Pomfrey! That looks–well, it looks awful!" Harry said, already pulling Ron.

"No! You can't take me there!" Ron cried, on the verge of hysterics.    

 "Are you out of your mind?" Harry asked. "But Pomfrey's a girl! She'd have to look at–at this!" Ron answered desperately, clutching his trousers as if to protect himself down there.

"Ron! If you won't let her see that, it might get worse! Do you want that cut off? Besides, it's not really much to look at!" Harry argued.

Ron stared witheringly at Harry.

After a lot of persuading, Harry finally convinced him to go to the hospital wing, as long as Harry won't ever tell anybody. Of course, Harry had to drag Ron in the process of going there.

Harry just had to tell Ron about her after his "manhood" got better.

A/N: Tell me if you like this, please, so I know if I'll have reason to continue writing my story. This will be a light romantic comedy. :D Flames are welcome! :D