On March 28, Mary Sue- I mean Bella Swan expected another totally normal day in the sleepy town of forks.

Wake up, fantasize about Edward, go to school with Edward, think about how hot Edward is.[don't forget to breathe!] Go home with Edward, think about Edward, cook for Charlie, think about Edward, take a shower, think about Edward, see Edward in her room, touch faces with Edward, talk/argue about the same thing over and over again. Become dazzled by Edward's freaky eyes into submission, fall sleep on Edward while thinking about Edward, dream of Edward. Repeat next day.

Bella really is so not predictable huh?

BUT, because ISABELLA is such a danger magnet she MUST have something dramatic happen to her, along with making Edweird react in a dramatic way.

So on this day on March 28, Mary Sue-Bella Swan died from a bomb exploding in her car, which (dun dun dun) was planted by Edward because he was secretly-not so secretly gay and wanted Bella dead so he could spend eternity with his real soul mate - Mike. They went on to live there lives happily ever after.

(And Edverd sparkling all the live long fucking day!)


Author part UNO: Ironic don't cha think?

Author part DEUX (the awesome-est part): No, I wouldn't know. I don't even know what the hell ironic means and I'm too lazy to search it on the internet.

Author part UNO: Whatever. It isn't ironic; I just didn't know what else to say at the end of this idiotic story.

AN: To any of those pissed off Twilight fans:

1) No I do not hate Bella Swan, I just think that she whines WAY TOO MUCHO! And that some people could do without the constant references to Edward as a total sexy Greek god.

2) No I am not intentionally insulting Stephanie Meyer, I think of her as an good author. (she just has to work on her heroines a bit more)

3) I wrote this story to get rid of my insane boredom at around 2 am. I get grumpy, insanely bored, and even hyper. I needed something to do

4) I am not an anti- Twilight person, I have written other Twilight stories that are not making fun of it.

Any flames I may receive I shall read with relish.