Walking into the Laid Out Trap

It's very difficult to write the continuations of stories that have been shelved aside for so long. I am guilty of forgetting these old novellas, but not to worry. I'll now I'll try to recollect myself, and not leave pieces of me left behind, hanging. If you read this piece of work, thank you. WARNING, swearwords and slash. Disclaimers, if you please.

---

The darkness drones on.

Somewhere within the blankets of space, I relinquished a thought.

I was to die.

I am forgotten…

Thoughts like these have never haunted me, but this time they echoed in such a way that I could never assume them untrue— they were as sure as the sun dawning out of the horizon and the darkness that overlay the night.

I am to die.

I am forgotten.

Where am I, really? I cannot remember anything but the blood on my shirt, and I wonder now where the blood had gone. Why am I so… sad?

Draco! God— Why?!

Potter's voice.

I remember Potter.

God how I remember him.

"Draco! Draco tell me you're alright?"

But I'm not, Potter. I only see shadows, light and dark, shifting like muddy water. I'm not alright, Potter. I can't tell you anything Potter.

Potter, save me.

Please Potter, come back…

I cannot hear him anymore. The rustling sound is gone. The cold gripped my fingers, they are as numb as the very core of my body. Only one thought graces through me again and again, and for a time I forget the cold.

I think of Potter and his bright green eyes.

I think of him and the pain goes away.

Potter…

No.

They've begun flashing.

Memories again.

Please don't make me hurt. I can't stand it anymore.

I'm dying.

'Malfoy, do you love me?'

Tender hands and warm kisses.

'Draco tell me you love me...'

Tears and pain and grief and loneliness.

Empty.

He left me.

'…Unless you tell me…'

'…Do you love me?'

'…Tell me you love me…'

It's all your voice. They're slicing me open.

'love me'

'love me'

'love me'

The words won't stop pouring. They are shouting and yelling and screaming my name, pounding into my thoughts, racking my brain; your voice, dear God how can your voice be in my head?!

'—I'm engaged to Ginny now—'

'—don't try to stop me—'

'—marrying her, marrying her…'

'Truly yours—'

'—married by tomorrow…'

'—Malfoy, I love you—'

'—Malfoy— wait—!'

You're doing this on purpose, Potter.

'—Malfoy, I can't be with you—'

'I love you, Harry Potter…'

"STOP!" I cried, bolting up from the warm, white bed. Immediately I felt a fear— there was whiteness everywhere, shimmering into my eyes— blinding me— hands are holding me down— what's going on— so cold—

Whispers and yells, stomps and cries, something wet runs down my cheeks and I am afraid of it— it will kill me— these hands are pinning me down— the fingers are going to suck me dry—

"Malfoy, calm down… Calm down…"

That voice froze all the others. That voice froze me.

I know that voice.

And my eyes focused at once, I felt my heart and I felt my breath, and I felt the pang of pain that twisted inside me.

A familiar sight.

It's him.

I gape for a long moment. Both cold and warm rush through my body.

He almost killed me.

"Malfoy, it's me, it's Harry, it's alright, don't move much, or it'll—"

"NO!" I cried out, thrashing. My fist hit him squarely on the jaw, he yelled and tumbled on the ground. Voices flurried around us, but his green stare kept us focused just on each other. His look of fear and pain, the color draining out of his face fueled my anger.

"You're a stupid prat, you know!" I began to say, "You nag and nag and nag! That's all you ever do! You want more fucking words for your fucking boy-who-lived ego! You wanted me to milk it all out, didn't you!"

I began mimicking him, in a lighter, more annoying tone, " 'love me, Draco! Tell me you love me! Tell me or else I'll LEAVE YOU!' "

I hardly noticed that my collar was already wet with tears. That my wrists were bleeding again, as I lashed out, pulling the cords out of my frame. I did not care. I have to hurt him.

"YOU LEFT ME, POTTER, BECAUSE I'M AN IDIOT!" Some healers were pulling me down, I strained to move towards him, "YOU WANT ME TO SAY IT AGAIN?! I'M AN IDIOT, A MORON! A FOOL! A COWARD!"

Now I began gulping in air, I began to rack my lungs, and I gave an ugly face as I cried out, "You left me because I couldn't fucking say the words!"

Potter was just staring at me. Did he even understand anything I said?

"But you know what, Potter? I don't need someone who has to feed on his giant ego! I don't need someone to force me to say 'I love you,' when I've done so much already TO PROVE MY IT!"

"—Malfoy—" began Harry, as he hobbled to his feet, the other healers helping him up, but I cut him off.

"—FUCK YOU!" I said, each word like a sting to the sapling, like a burden lighter for me, "FUCK YOU, HARRY POTTER! GET MARRIED! I DON'T CARE ANYMORE! YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T NEED A STUPID EGOISTIC FUCK LIKE YOU! MARRY HER! I DON'T CARE!"

And I cried some more when he fled the room.

---

You gave me a note the next day. You laid it on my pillow as I slept. The moment I read the words, I gnashed my teeth.

I'm sorry, Malfoy, it said, I've been too stupid to see. Please forgive me. Please, I love you.

Love me? I thought savagely.

So THAT'S why your marrying Ginny! So that's why, every goddamn day, I had to sit alone wondering why the hell you left? So that's why I've been moping down the road to hell, hating myself, asking myself – why? Why? WHY?!

—Because you fucking love me?!

I've been dying everyday, Potter. Actually, I wish I already had, and I had almost succeeded but you just had to come along and ruin it all.

Don't you know how much my heart aches? Can't you understand, or even fucking sympathize? Don't you know how much I thought of you, as you skipped away, whisking that Weasley into your arms? It's the first time I've ever loved, Potter, and it's my first taste of betrayal too…

Why did you have to come along and make me fall in love with you?! Why do you have to be such a bitch?! You're a loser, Potter, just like I am! A moron! A fool! I regret everything I did for you! I don't need you! I don't want you back, I hate you!

I'm lying to myself again.

I turned my head to the pillow, hoping faintly that it would suffocate me. The gasps from my sobbing, however, kept me alive.

For days and days and days unending.

You're getting married.

---(Harry Potter)

I can't back out.

I want to back out.

No. It's over between us. He said so himself. He doesn't care.

He loved me.

I'm such an ass.

But I only wanted to be sure. I'm so afraid of being tricked. I've been tricked so many times before… I've been a goddamn fool countless times. I hate myself for it, but I cannot escape what I am…

Everyone ends up lying to me, these past few years. Everyone's been tricking me, so that at least they would have a good laugh at the Boy-Who-Lived. Jesus, can you blame me for being afraid?

I couldn't be as innocent as you, Malfoy. I couldn't trust your actions alone.

I'm sorry.

Look at me now, Draco, I love you and yet I'm marrying Ginny. My actions are a lie.

But you didn't lie, did you, Malfoy?

It was I who lied.

And now I've fallen into the laid out trap.

I'm getting married.

God, no.