Okay- in all the mass of angst and darkness we're all seeing in season four...I thought it might be nice to have a little crack ;) well...ya know...the readable crack. Uhm...anyway- here this is as weird as ever that my mind likes to conjure.
Blame the muse. It ate twelve packs of jelly tots and then six packs of Carling. :)
WARNING: I'm officially mad.
Summary: What do Angel's do in their spare time...whats this with Lilith? Crack. Season four episodes.
Disclaimer: I actually own them- yes everything...my house is on the Monopoly board. Ppfttt...nope.
Swearing, fun, crack and profanities...:)
"Its extremley important that you don't. Move." Castiel whispered, his hand poised in the air.
"I'm not going to move Cas' but if you go too soon, you'll give the position away and then were all doomed"
"Look...Its my turn. Of course I'm going to go- stop moving!"
Castiel huffed, let his hand flop to his lap. The best way was to just come out with it.
"C4" He said, an edge to his voice.
His partner gawped, eyes wide. "No...you can't...no-"
"It was my turn!"
"Fine" He hung his head. "You sunk my battleship"
Castiel smiled. "Thank you for being honest Cupid, I'll look forward to next weeks tournament"
Cupid sighed. "Yeah yeah, fine. Don't act so smug ya' big flying chew toy"
"Look, just because that hooker didn't fall in love with the Mob boss and your business is going down the drain doesn't mean you get to throw around insults"
Cupid gave a plastic smile. "Fine"
As Castiel turned he muttered under his breath. "Pikey"
"Woht!" Cupid yelled, flinging the talble and the game to the floor. "Just because your not from London mate! At least I'm not a monotonous twat that can fly!"
"I'm not monotonous..."
A shoulder bumped into Castiel. "You kinda' are..."
"Icarus? You're supposed to be dead!" Castiel said with wide eyes.
"Erm...I can swim you know- whoever wrote that fucking book- flew too close to the sun...and I fell- over water! C'mon...I bet it was Luke...friggin' muppet"
Icarus shook his head, hefted a pair of skies from beside him and walked off into the dazzling white light.
Cupid huffed, and sat down, his neon pink hair needed dying again and his arrows weren't even real. New heavenly policy against sharp edges. Prats.
"I'm sorry Cas man. There's a lotta' couples fightin' this time a year, ya know? Even the Tooth lass has quit"
"Yeah...it is the end of the world...the final countdown"
"Lets not sing that"
"St. Elmo's fire...?"
"No Cas' lets not"
A light suddenly shone and a blonde girl with endless legs wandered up to Castiel with a white Hooters vest on. "Uhm...Castiel? Theres a call for you- Dean Winchester screaming for your help outside of a warehouse"
"Yeah...I'll get to that, thanks"
Then she disappeared.
"They might be on the low down on Lilith Cas, I'd go if I were you"
Castiel nodded his thanks, and left behind a fairly drunken Cupid.
"Where the heck have you been? We're about to stop the Demon bitch from unleashing hell and you show up...what-" Dean glanced at his watch. "Now! Timing dude! Sam's in there holding her off!"
"Lets go- he might not be able to hold her off for long-"
Dean and Castiel entered the shaky structure, Sam's hand only barely touched the floor but it was enough. He was winning.
"She's reeeeaally bendy" Castiel said in shock.
Sam's body was bent under Lilith, his left hand on Green, right hand on Yellow and his feet bent and tipped around Lilith's own hands that were struggling to stay on Red.
"Left foot Green" The demon standing read aloud, his eyes flashing black.
Lilith grunted and kicked out, when suddenly her hand slipped and she fell just as Sam landed the mark.
"Yes" He hissed, glaring at her as she crossed her arms and whined.
Sam stood, slightly shaken and Dean patted him on the chest. "Nice work Sammy, we got her!"
"NO!" Lilith shrieked, "There's still one more seal...and you won't escape this one boys"
Clicking her fingers Lilith brought out Jenga, and pointed to Dean.
Castiel let his hand linger a moment on Dean's shoulder. "God speed" He bowed his head.
They started the stack, taking it in turns to build the strong structure and then Dean went first to remove a peice.
Sam and Cas' cheered when the structure remained strong, then it was Lilith's turn and it only wobbled slightly.
"Your going down Dean" She said as he took his tenth try, sweat beads building as the pressure increased.
"Down!" She hushed and Dean faltered, knocked the peice by fault and the whole pile crumpled.
"YES!" Lilith screamed, "I WIN!" She stood and lifted a box encased in markings, some glowed and some appeared made in blood.
"Oh no" Castiel's eyes widened as she brought out the silver peice.
Lilith wandered over to the trio. "I finally have the racecar..." She beamed, laughing hysterically.
Castiel drew his own hand into the box and pulled out a silver thimble just as Lilith disappeared in a swirling dark cloud.
"I hate the fucking thimble...its sucky!" Dean said.
"Its okay Dean." Sam answered. "This time...the thimbles gonna' kick ass"
Castiel held it tightly in his fist. "No...you should see the Lebrachaun's...even they got the better one. Damn dog"
It was determined...the climatic battle of Monopoly would soon start...and the board of the world lay at risk.
hey, yeah...I did explain I was a little bit insane ya know. But yeah...this was...in the mist of late morning, coffee/alcohol induced and I hope it made at least a little part of you either wonder wtf...or laugh a little :)