Ta-da! You know we all love HP/Twilight crossovers, and though I never really planned on doing another one of these things, I'm going to try it. I hope I haven't lost my completely random charm.
The Cullens were playing a family favorite – Who Can Make Fun of the Weak Human the Best? The weak human, being Bella, was never present when the Cullens were playing their favorite game, and neither was Edward.
The Cullens all remembered the last time Edward had caught them while they were playing the fixture. Emmett had made a slip in his mind, which Edward caught. Edward then took all of his family members and sat them on the couch, and spent the next twenty-four hours pacing in front of them and telling them off.
Nobody wanted that to happen again.
Still, it was absolutely irresistible. How feeble Bella was, how clumsy, how stupid. Somewhere deep in each of their minds they felt a little bad for poor Bella, but, like they always did, they cursed that part of their minds and continued with the game.
It was Emmett's turn. Each of the clock's ticks felt like an eternity. Emmett's mouth was agape, his eyes unfocused, drool beginning to drip from his mouth. "Uhh...." he droned on an on and on.
The phone rang from the kitchen. "I'll get it!" all five Cullens shouted as Emmett droned on.
Carlisle stood. "I'll get it," he said. His tone was both disgusted at his adoptive children and wife and completely relieved. "It's probably from work.
Carlisle left the room in a flash, and the remaining Cullens could hear him murmur on the phone. "Uh-huh," he said. "Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Really? Really? Really? You don't say. You don't say. You don't say!"
There was continued silence except for the ticking of the clock, Emmett, and Carlisle. "Uhhh……" Emmett continued.
"Uh-huh." Said Carlisle. "Uh-huh. Of course. Of course. Of course! Of course. Yes. Yes. Yes. Thank you so much."
Carlisle reappeared. "Get your spit back in your mouth, Emmett," he said excitedly. "I just got offered a job!"
"You have?" Esme gasped. "Who would hire – I mean, that's great, honey!"
"And it's at Hogwarts," Carlisle added. "They fired their old nurse, Pomfry, and they need a replacement. They're even willing to tear up the contract to let us come back!"
"Why'd we get that contract again?" Emmett asked. He had suffered from short-term memory loss since he'd looked at Bella funny and Rosalie had beaten him up.
"We got it because of our favorite sister, Rosalie," said Alice. "Who tried to kill the students."
"You watch it, midget," Rosalie snapped. "It was your little hubby's fault! He made me crazy!"
"Emmett dared me to!"
All the Cullens' eyes rested on Jasper. "Really?" even Emmett asked in unison.
"Emmett, is this true?" Esme asked with big eyes and a gasp that she had spent hours in front of a mirror practicing.
He shrugged. "I don't even remember five minutes ago. What were we talking about again?"
"I don't really care," Carlisle admitted. "What I do care about is that Edward's not going to be happy."
Okay, not the same start as my first brilliant comedy, Rosalie's Exboyfriend, but I took this basically out of nothing. So, if you want to review, please do.
If you don't want to review, do it anyway.