Yay! I've gotten miraculously more popular! Thanks to all of you for reviewing, and, now that Persuasion is finally done, I can get back in a funny mood and actually get some chapters done here. Yay for you!
Oh, by the way, this chapter involves quite a bit of nudity. Sorry.
The Cullens, Bella, and Jacob walked proudly into Hogwarts, Bella walking in between Edward and Jacob; Jasper back on his chain.
"Honey," he whispered into Alice's ear. "Would you mind, uh…saving the cuffs for tonight? I'll take you shopping." Alice thought about that.
"No," she said snippily. "You won't take me shopping. Liar."
"Well, honey, there are no stores in the middle of nowhere."
Alice lost it then. "No…STORES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she screamed. She turned to Carlisle and pointed her finger at him as if telling him off. "You said there'd be loads of stores!"
"N-n-not necessarily," Carlisle stammered.
"How dare you move our family to a place with NO STORES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?" Alice screamed. "Now we'll have to wear the same thing twice!"
"Oh, God forbid we wear the same thing twice," Jacob muttered.
"And Jacob will be naked for the rest of his life!" Alice wailed.
"Wait – what?"
"Nothing…nothing…" Bella reassured.
"I'm going to have to look at his thing every single day!" Alice shouted.
"Nothing! She's gone insane!" Bella shouted in his face. Edward snorted. "Shut up!"
"Is everything alright?" a professional sounding voice came from around the corner; everyone froze.
A bird-like lady in a cloak appeared, and then she, too froze at the sight before her; seven soaking wet teenagers and two soaking wet adults. One of them without any clothes on.
"I beg your pardon," the lady gasped. "But, sir, I'm afraid you don't have any clothes on!"
"I don't?" Jacob looked down. "Oh, yeah."
"Follow me," the woman said briskly. "We'll get you all some robes immediately. There will be no soaking wet clothing in this castle…or any nudity for that matter."
They followed bird-lady to get some robes, and then she led them to a giant door that soared over their heads. "This is the Great Hall," said the woman. "I am Professor McGonagall, by the way, and I will help to introduce you. The entire school has arrived to greet you."
"Oh, that's very kind of you, Minerva," said Carlisle with a smile. McGonagall blushed.
"Oh, you," she said bashfully. She threw open the giant doors and stopped.
Standing on one of the tables was a naked dark-headed boy singing as loud as he could,
name is Harry Potter
I'm the king of the school!
I'm better than everybody
in the school!
hip and I'm awesome
All the girls know my name!
that is my name!
defeated Voldemort when I was a baby!
I was even awesome when I was a baby!
Both my parents died when I was a baby!
I grew up abused, without any love
Harry Potter froze when he saw Professor McGonagall, who had turned a dark shade of red by the time the song was over. "Oh, uh…Professor McGonagall…" Now Harry Potter had turned a similar dark shade of red. There was an awkward silence in the air.
Then Harry Potter jumped off the table screaming, "Ah! Ahhhhh!"
McGonagall rushed to his side. "Harry!" she cried, shaking him. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," said Harry, getting up and rubbing his head. "What…happened?"
"You were…dancing and singing on the table!" exclaimed McGonagall.
"I don't remember any of that," said Harry innocently. "Voldemort is sick, don't you think, Professor?" Professor McGonagall nodded sympathetically.
"Yes, Harry," she said. "Very sick indeed. Go on; I'll go get you some robes. Oh, poor thing…"
As Harry Potter past Rosalie, he smoothed back his hair and winked. "That's me," he whispered as he left.
When Harry Potter returned with a smug smile on his face, the opening ceremony began. The Cullens stood awkwardly at the front of the room as a bunch of eleven-year-olds crowded in, with McGonagall leading them. When they reached the front of the room, McGonagall began a long speech about excellence and failure, and then she pulled out a pointed black hat.
"You will now be sorted," she said in her brisk voice. "There are four houses in which you could be sorted. Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slitheryn. I will call your name and put this hat upon your head, and it will sort you. Once you are sorted, you will join the table of the house you have been sorted to. Then we will wheel in a little T.V. and force you to watch bad television!" McGonagall cackled. "Just kidding. Let's begin. Brooke Lee?"
"Ravenclaw," said the hat.
"Gryffindor," said the hat.
"Slytherine," said the hat.
After an immense amount of names were read from an incredibly long list, the last name was finally read. "Liana Rudyard?"
The hat sighed. "I don't know…" it said. "Let's just say Slytherine; that good for you, kid?"
"Too bad. What's next, McGonny?"
"Shut up, Frank," McGonagall hissed.
"Oh, Frank! Yeah, now you finally call me by my name, you no good transfiguration –"
"Shut up, Frank!" McGonagall hissed.
"Bitch," the hat muttered.
"Anyway, moving on," said McGonagall, throwing the hat aside. "I give you your headmaster, Professor Albus Dumbledore!" Silence. "Professor Albus Dumbledore!" McGonagall repeated. Still nothing.
"Dumbledore!!" McGonagall shouted furiously, turning around. Dumbledore, who was snoring in his chair, woke up and rose.
"What, Minerva?" he shouted angrily. "What could you possibly want n-" He froze at the sight of the dismayed students. "I mean, uh…Minerva. Looking as lovely as ever, I see."
"Why, thank you, Albus," said McGonagall smugly. "The announcements, please."
"Oh, right. Of course. We'd like to bid our poor nurse, Madam Pomfry, goodbye and welcome Carlisle Cullen and his family. I want you all to treat them as if they belong here, even though they thirst on your blood. Okay?"
"Yes, Professor Dumbledore," droned the school.
"Second of all, we're going to have the Triwizard Tournament here this year, so write your name on a piece of paper and throw it the fire! Yay…So, yeah, two other schools are going to hang here for the year; is that tight?"
"Fo' Sho', Dumble-dog," droned the school.
"Right, and let's also welcome Professor Moody."
"Welcome, Professor Moody," droned the school.
"Alright! That's about it…Let's stuff our faces!!"
Ta-da! How d'ya like it? Well, it doesn't matter, as long as you review, Kay?
Anyways, you'll be seeing chapters a bit more often. Or maybe, because I've been getting so many new reviews, you won't…