I have a dream, a very strange dream. Of losing you… I can't help it… This dream is haunting me every night. So haunting and so…very very scary that I'm horrified that I can't help but stand close to you, grabbing you tight…in fear of losing you to this world filled with unknown variables.
These dreams kept coming back again and again, endlessly to the point that I think I'm going crazy—imagination or not. I felt like I'm having the same dream over and over again ever day. I don't know if I'm merely imagining things or that…I've gone crazy, but all I know is that they're really blurry and the dreams kept shifting back and forth in this vivid memories of mine.
I can't remember exactly what was going on in the dream. I forgot most of the things that I know I've seen clearly when I was in the land of sleep. I know that I tried to remember, but somehow, I always end up forgetting. I can't remember. Just what were the dreams I'm having about anyway?
The only thing that I remember after those dreams… is that I'm struck with constant and instant fear… the fear of losing you. I don't wanna lose you. That's why I'm always holding tight to your arms, so that you wouldn't disappear suddenly… I don't know…maybe I'm being paranoid, but who knows… maybe if I hold tight enough, I can prevent you from disappearing. I don't know why… I have such intense fear, Axel… Just let me hold tight to you?
"Roxas, are you okay?" Axel's soft voice jolt me up from my seat. I am still hugging his arms tightly. I feel like I'm a small child, hugging my plushies close so that no one would steal it away from me. But this is different, I'm not treating Axel as my plushie. Axel is very special to me. Very very special. I can't go on if I lose him.
"I'm okay." I smile softly. He must have noticed the doubt in my voice as he rakes my hair lovingly, hugging me close, and proceeding to lift me up so that I am sitting on his lap. I shifted around, finding a comfortable position.
I stare into his eyes in that awkward position, so I shifted again, positioning myself so I can stare face to face at him, my legs wrapped around his waist on that small sofa.
"You don't look very okay to me. You've been very much zoning off lately. Care to tell me about it?" he inquired.
I release a big sigh, smiling all the while. "It's just some negative dreams. Bugging me everyday."
"Dreams? Now that's new. What are they about?" Axel asked, pulling me in closer and putting his forehead against mine, staring deep into my eyes. I could feel my breath hitched and my heart pumps twice as fast. No matter how long I've gone out with Axel, the effects that dawned upon me whenever he starts to show his love for me are always so immense.
"It's really nothing, Axel. I'm alright."
"Hmm…" He didn't seem to trust me. He leaned down, disconnecting our forehead contact, and kissed along the bridge of my nose. He is so comfortingly close to me. Then, he ghosted over my lips. "You've been hugging my arms really tight nowadays. Mind if I ask why?"
I tilted my head to the side, smiling happily. "Because I love you?" I ask back with a question, braving myself and darting my tongue out to lick the tip of his beautiful nose and then proceed to give kisses to the tattoo under his eyes.
"Is that a question? Or a statement?" he chuckles.
"Both at the same time." I grin, playing with his hair and messaging his scalp gently. I love playing with his head, his hair is so flaming red and although it looked very spiky, it is actually really silky. I love the feeling of his hair on my skin. So comfortable. I can hear his soft moans as I continue to gently message him. "Hey, Axel."
"Do you think forever exists?"
Axel seems to be thinking a bit. His serious face always amuses me, not that he doesn't look nice with a serious face. I love that expression on his face. Very calming and very thoughtful. "I don't think so." He answers bluntly.
"Oh…" I hang my head low, a bit disappointed.
Axel smiles, noticing my disappointment. He strokes my back gently and kisses my forehead.
"I've been having some very weird dreams…Ax…" I whisper.
He nods, listening, burying his nose in my hair.
"You know… like… I will lose you and stuff… I don't know what they're about…but I have a feeling that I'm going to lose you…"
"That's why you're hugging so tight?"
"You know…maybe if I hug tight enough and never let go, you would never disappear."
"Who died and said that I'm going to disappear?"
"I have a feeling…"
Axel smiles, so gentle and so kind. "You know, I won't mind if you continue hugging me tightly. You're so cute when you're worried." He kisses the top of my eye and then lands a soft peck on my lips.
I swallow. "I just don't want you to…suddenly disappear, I guess. And I don't know why I'm feeling like this…" I pout a bit.
Axel breaks into a huge grin and took my bottom lip that is sticking out to his mouth, nibbling softly with his pearl white teeth. I giggled. Then, we kiss.
"I'm sure your fear is without a ground. It will go." He speaks, comforting me.
"I sure hope so." I answer weakly, smiling lightly.
"You know Roxas?"
"I don't believe in forever or infinity or even…eternity. I don't believe in any of that nonsense. Nothing lasts forever."
"Okay…" I hide my face in his chest, breathing in slowly, wondering what he's trying to say.
"But I believe in you and me. We've been together for almost forever now. I don't think that there's anything that can separate us. You know… all the crappy and sappy stuff like that. I don't think I can ever get anywhere without you."
"You have a bad sense of direction." I giggle, not at all concealing this feeling of happiness building up inside me.
"And you're good with direction. We're a pair made in heaven."
"Yeah." I chuckle even more, agreeing all the while. "You're bad at cooking and I'm good at it." I add.
"I'm bad at organizing and you're good at it." He adds another one.
"I'm like another side of you now, huh?" I grin happily.
"A better half of me, yes." Axel nods, agreeing.
"You're a better half of me too."
"To counter your mood swings." He says in a sing song.
And then as our eyes meet again, we shared another kiss. A kiss so loving and tender. I love the feeling of his lips against mine, always soft and gently and caring. And I parted my lips happily as he asks for entrance. I take in his tongue eagerly, letting it roams inside my mouth. He tastes so sweet. I love my Axel.
"Axel, I love you…" I said as soon as we parted.
"And, I You."
"Stay by my side." I hug his arm close again.
"As long as you do the same."
I can feel my groundless fear seeping away. Axel will always be there.
This might become a sequel trilogy like Forever. Eternity. And Everlasting Infinity. Who knows. : D Well, as far as this stands, this is a one-shot. Short bit. Question though. Can you feel the emotions attached to this and the love and affection? That's all I have to ask. I wonder if I have successfully conveyed the emotions so to speak. But anyway, love to you all. Thank you. Please ignore all the grammatical mistakes.