Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, the songs, or even the car I drive.
A/N: Another challenge. Bazingo. Sorry for all the country music references. Once I got started I had to keep going. I see Scully as a closet country music fan.
Dana Scully propped her feet up on the dashboard and sighed. She was tired of flying. She was tired of driving. She was tired of any form of travel whatsoever. She wished they could just start faxing her places.
"How much longer, Mulder?"
"Why? Gotta pee?"
"No. Well maybe a little. I hate Montana!"
"No you don't."
"I hate their lack of airports. We spend all that time on a plane, and then we have to drive halfway across the country for a frickin' crop circle? It's backtracking and it's stupid and I intend to let them know that."
"And you're not mad at me about this because....?"
"Because being mad at you rarely pays off."
"Is that supposed to be an insult?"
"I would never insult you, Mulder. I bend over backwards to avoid that."
"I would love to see you bend over backwards."
"You're a perv."
"You've insulted me."
"Well that's just great," she muttered, turning the radio on. Going over the pass there had been nothing but static, and she was hoping that they could get something now. She fiddled with the dial before finally finding a station that wasn't unbearably staticky.
"It's all that comes in!"
"I do not! It's either this or static. Take your pick. And if you pick static I will do something very painful to you."
She just rolled her eyes as he started to sing along with the radio.
"I've got friends in low places, where the whiskey drowns and the beer chases my blues away. And I'll be okay. I'm not big on social graces, think I'll slip on down to the oasis. Oh I've got friends in low places..."
"I didn't know Garth Brooks had a song about the Gunmen," Scully deadpanned, looking at the map.
"Yep. Kenny Chesney wrote one about you too."
"Is that right?"
"She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy."
"You're a sucker for a farmer's tan, ain't ya?"
"Actually no. I'm not a sucker for anything."
"I beg to differ."
"I beg that you don't."
He chuckled as the song changed. Once he realized what was playing, he groaned.
"Not another Garth Brooks song! There's only so much twang I can take."
"You have no idea how proud I am that you recognized the song and knew the artist in the first second."
"You know, now that I think about it, Garth did write a song about you."
"I'm afraid to ask."
"She's Every Woman."
She thought for a moment, running the song through her head.
"If that's meant as a compliment, then thank you. If it's meant as a lecherous comment, then shut up."
"Can we stop soon? There has got to be a gas station or something coming up."
"Do I look like Rand McNally?"
"Rand and McNally were two different people."
"Why do you know everything?"
"It annoys you."
He rolled his eyes and she giggled as they passed a road sign.
"Look, there's a mini-mart in five miles. We're stopping."
"But you hate using bathrooms in those places."
"A girls gotta do what a girls gotta do."
"Okay, we'll stop. I guess stretching our legs is a good idea. And we can go shopping for snacks. I'm hungry."
"Sunflower seeds won't fill you up, Mulder."
"I'll get some Twizzlers or something too. When did you take your shoes off?"
"Like 50 miles ago."
"I didn't notice the hot pink toenails before. Reason for that?"
"I'm an enigma."
"You're something, that's for sure."
A few minutes later they turned off the highway and parked in a small gravel parking lot outside a mini-mart. Scully pulled her shoes on and got out of the car, stretching before taking her jacket off and tossing it in the back seat.
She rolled her eyes and headed for the store, Mulder trotting close behind.
"Scully are you really gonna use the bathroom here? Because there's a nice bunch of trees about 50 yards or so-"
She stomped on his foot and he let out a yelp.
"I think you broke my toe!"
"Don't be a weenie."
He pouted and hobbled past the kids playing with a volleyball in the small patch of grass, and opened the door for her.
"You can't be that maimed if your chivalry is still intact," she commented, slipping inside.
"Hardy har, har," he retorted, taking a small shopping basket from the rack. She just smirked and headed towards the back of the store, looking for the bathroom. Mulder wandered the aisles, grabbing cookies, granola bars, and fruit snacks for the road. He was just adding a bag of candy when Scully joined him again.
"Mulder, why is there spray cheese in the basket?"
"For the crackers," he answered, dropping a small box in next to the cheese. "I also found these greeting cards that play music when you open them up."
He handed her a card that had a picture of a rundown truck on the front. She opened it up and heard "On the road again! I can't wait to get on the road again!"
"My sentiments exactly," she agreed, rolling her eyes and not bothering to read the inscription. She wanted nothing more than to get this case over with.
"Hey Scully, did you ever jump rope?" Mulder asked, pointing out a hot pink jump rope that was hanging on a rack. "It's only a buck. Want it?"
"If you want to be strangled, then yes."
He lifted his eyebrows and moved on.
"Want something to drink? They have root beer."
She nodded in the affirmative and he dropped a few more items in the basket before moving to the cash register.
"That'll be fourteen ninety-two," the checker said before spitting into a cup. Scully cringed at the sight and tried not to gag. She had seen many disgusting things in her life, but a Styrofoam cup spittoon was probably the number one thing on her gag reflex list.
Mulder paid for the food and they headed out the door.
"I'm sorry I'm being so cranky," she said, looking up at him. "I'm tired and it's hot and I hate being stuck in the car."
"I didn't think you were being cranky, but I forgive you anyway. Here," he said, handing her a Hershey Kiss. "I'll let you drive if you want."
"I think that would improve my mood greatly."
He patted his pockets once, twice, three times, before coming up empty.
"Scully did I give you the keys?"
"Nope," she said, checking the car doors. "It's locked up and the keys are in the ignition, Einstein."
He sighed, leaned against the car, and sunk down to the ground.
"On the road again... I can't wait to get on the road again."
She nodded and ruffled his hair. As frustrating as it was, life with Fox Mulder was never boring.
"Not another Garth Brooks song!"