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"So you got kidnapped by Toads?" Pit looked up from his mug of root beer. He was currently talking to Ike, who had a beer wrapped around his hand. Pit hated beer, simply because it made him more thirstier, which for him contradicted the point of drinking. Also how could he forget the time he did take the advice of Snake and had one? Wario still hasn't taken that picture of him riding Ivysaur with a cowboy hat and power ranger underwear off his blog. However, the scariest part of it was Pit couldn't even remember owning a pair of those.
"Yep…" The silence was broken by a high-pitched scream, followed by a deep booming laugh, along with the sound of running. Ike and Pit looked at each other, then looked down from the balcony. "Same as always…" Pit even lifted his fingers and snapped.
Seconds later, Bowser ran out of the mansion, with Peach screaming and on his shoulder. Another 0.3 seconds later, Mario came out of the door. Looking at the retreating figure of Bowser, the Italian Plumber sighed, and then began his journey to save the kidnapping prone princess.
"You think Bowser would learn…" "I think Bowser's just one of those high school nerds that went to school with Peach." Ike stopped mid-gulp and looked at Pit, while Pit did likewise. Then they both swallowed and waved at each other. "Nah…"
Ike decided to continue the conversation they were having before. "Anyways, what happened with the toads?" Pit sipped his mug and rubbed his chin.
"Well, it went pretty good. Turns out that they were just following orders…"
A toad poked his head out of the head, looked around the hall, and then beckoned Pit to come in. Pit breathed then entered the room. Inside it was Mario seated on a table. Luigi was leaning on the wall, his gaze examining the angel before him. Mario raised an eyebrow at Luigi, and Luigi dropped his gaze.
"Have a seat, Pit." Mario gestured to the seat in front of his table. Pit looked at the seat, then at Mario and cocked an eyebrow. "Just because I'm Italian, I'm going to speak with an accent. You're kidding yourself, you know that?" Pit shrugged and sat down.
"Now let's get down to business; I've watching you... but not like that." Mario added as he observed Pit checking his zipper. "You've been going around fighting others, but not everyone. I constantly pondered your motivation, and what you had to gain from this. From what I can deduct from my observations, you're another rookie trying to make it in the big leagues. And don't worry about the rookie name..." Mario once again added after seeing Pit about to object. "This sort of thing happens time to time. That was how Roy made it, Mewtwo, Young Link, and Pichu, everyone else that wasn't invited WASN'T INVITED."
Pit licked his lips and gestured to Mario to let him speak. Mario held out a hand to let him. "Okay, can you can it with the history lesson and just answer me. Why aren't we fighting? Why did a bunch of fungi dwarves..." "Oh, careful there, rookie. Toads don't take kindly to being called 'dwarves.'" "Fine, fungi men. Anyways, so what's the deal?"
Mario put his feet on the table, closed his eyes, leaned back his head, balanced his chair on two legs, and rocked it. He seemed to be a little lost in thought, so Pit looked at Luigi to strike up a conversation. The glare recieved silenced any notion to. So he contented himself twiddling his thumbs around. Finally after a not so brief silence, Mario opened his eyes then knocked his feet from the table.
"How do I say this? Well as you know, my rival/enemy/poker buddy on saturdays, Bowser, has once again taken the princess. Now I'm tired of rescueing the princess over and over and over. Seriously, it's like Bowser had a high school crush on her that never left."
"So let me get this straight: you want me to rescue the princess this time. And you chose me due to the twelve packs of butt kicking I've been delievering." Mario nodded. "However, there are some...difiliculties."
"Those walking goombas and koopas? Don't worry, your princess is as good as rescued." Mario shook his head. "Not that kind of difiliculties: my brother feels you're inadequate for the job. And so he suggested a one-stock between you and him. And that match starts... NOW!"
There was a sudden flash of light, and so Pit covered his eyes. When he opened them again, he was in what was to him a cartoon world. Pipes were on either side, and the blocks that littered the place seemed to have faces on them. In the distance, the hills looked like cardboard cutouts. While Pit was taking in all this, Luigi was creeping silently behind him. When he was sure Pit wasn't looking, he ran to Pit and prepared to uppercut him.
"So what happened?"
Ike interrupted the story. Pit knocked his can of root beer over Ike's head. Ike, being so awesome, didn't even twitch as the two halves of the can slid off his face. Pit looked at this, then shook it off.
"Oh, I dodged and slashed out the blocks from under him as he was floating down. You have to wonder if he getting too overrated for being underrated." "Agreed." "Anyway..."
Raise the flag!
Sing the song!
Here we come, we're fifty strong
And fifty Frenchmen can't be wrong
Let's kill the Beast!
Kill the Beast!
Pit turned his head. "Where the freak did you guys come from?!" He shouted to the mob. "We're here to kill the beast!" One of the characters named Gascan, Gahhan, Gohan, somewhere around shouted. Pit rolled his eyes. "I'm afraid your castle is in another castle." The mob groaned and went out the door, but not before half of the mob got squished by a thwomp.
Pit shrugged and continued on his way through the castle. He found that he was too light to squish the goombas or koopas. That didn't stop his from making a enormous contribution to the local pizzaria nearby. When he came inside the throne room, there was bowser inside the middle of a boxing ring. "A boxing ring? What the heck?" He then took a look at himself. "And why am I wearing an undershirt and boxing shorts."
With that, Bowser laughed. "Today you play a different game! Meet your opponents." With that, a light lit up and 12 boxers were revealed. "Oh my gosh, I can't believe it! You got a frenchman, a guy wearing suspenders, a guy with gay written all over his dances moves, a fat islander, a spainard who plays too much Sexyback, a fat canadian, a half-genie, a bald guy, a irish who just loves to fight, a soda slurping russian, a surfer who would marry his pecs if possible, and a stereotypical bad man black." Bowser laughed. "I would have not done that?"
Pit, by this time, was scratching his hair. "When is my hair dyed?" Suddenly, he was surrounded. "Insult us will you, Little Mac?" Super Macho Man growled. "Little! See here, sir, I don't take..." A fist slammed into Pit's face.
2 minutes later...
Pit was in the corner, bruised and beaten. Suddenly, a hand tapped on him. Pit turned his head to see a rotund black man in a sweat suit. "Doc? Listen, Doc, I don't need advice. I need to win." "Don't worry, Pit. I'll be right behind you." "What happened to Little Mac anyway?" "He's being swarmed by his fangirls. He told me to go on." "Lucky."
The bell rang and Pit hobbled over to the group that stood waiting. Pit knew he couldn't take them all on. He turned to Doc, who had taken a candy bar out of his pocket. A lightbulb in theory popped on top. Rushing over to Doc, he grabbed the bar, and threw it at the group. The group stopped at the bar, then Mr. Sandman spoke. "Ugh! I hate chocolate!" The rest of the group looked at each other, then began to share their opinions, most of which weren't positive, or at least it seemed to Pit and Doc. Finally, when Mr. Sandman was satishfed that no one would be insulted, smashed the bar with his foot.
No sooner than he did this, did a gloved fist smash right into Mr. Sandman's face and give him a snooze. The rest of the group looked at who gave the knockout blow. Doc was on the ring, gloves laced up and ready, with Pit enjoying a bag of popcorn at the sidelines. There was an ackward silence, until Super Macho Man broke the silence. "You call that a show? I'll give you a show." With that, Super Macho Man gave Doc a punch to the gut. He then realized that it wasn't even making him flinch. His eyes widened. "His fat! It's actually solid muscle!!!" The Californian Surfer Dude was able to shout before Doc laid him out with a haymaker. He then turned to the rest of the boxers who were visibly trying to get away. "It's Doc-ing time!"
Meanwhile, Bowser fled the scene. He was practically fuming. He then sat on his throne, next to which was the cage that held Peach. "That's the last time I hire other game characters." Suddenly the door opened and Pit ran inside. "Princess, thy rescuer is here!" Peach raised an eyebrow. "Where's Mario?" Pit shrugged. "He decided to sit this one out." "Darn it, I was saving this for him." Pit turned his head to see a giant robot Bowser with Bowser in the viewport of the forehead. "Oh well, no matter!" The Robo-Bowser opened his mouth and a huge light could be seen. Pit's eyes bugged out. "OH SNAP!!!" The laser beam hit the place where Pit used to be.
The angel rolled onto a nearby spot, then stood up. He sniffed the air, smelling something burning. He looked at one of his wings, which caught fire. He panicked and began to smother it. While he was, he failed to see the robot Bowser sneaking up on him. Peach screamed "Look out!" Pit tried to react, but was caught in Robo-Bowser's grip. He then began to feel a compressing feeling in his gut. Bowser put his mouth near Pit and began to charge the beam. 3...2...1! Boom! The laser enveloped the entire hand, disintergrating everything. Bowser sighed. "I'll bluff out those scratches later."
Meanwhile, Pit was hanging on the belly of the Robo-Bowser. He looked down and sighed until he thought he spotted something. Climbing down to it, he saw this. 'Warning: Don't press button and smash panel!' Pit digested this info, then pressed the button. He then leaped up and inverted his grip on his swords.
Bowser was just sitting back listening to some tunes when everything flash red. "Warning! Self-destruct sequence activated! Commencing in T-Minus 10 seconds!" Bowser looked at the screen then at the floor. "This blows."
Meanwhile, Pit had already freed the princess and was running out of the crumbling castle. Doc was right behind them with a cart filled with beaten punchout characters. When they were sure they were far away, they turned and looked at the crumbling building. It then exploded like a mushroom cloud. Doc turned to Pit. "Think Bowser's alright?" Pit turned to Doc. "If he could survive a dunking in lava, then this is cake." Doc nodded "Point taken."
Pit shook Doc's hand, as he took Peach onto his shoulder. "Well, later." He waved as he made his way back.
Doc smiled. "Good kid." Behind him, Little MAc drudged up behind him. "What did I miss?" He panted. Doc turned to him. "Not much. Though you might keep running." Little Mac turned his head, then screamed. "OH SNAP!!!" He screamed as he ran from his fangirls. Doc looked at the spectacle before him as he munched on another chocolate bar.
AN: What do you think? Huh? Review, people. Please!!! Please!!! And finally please!!!