Yay, first KH story! But I do have to admit that except for my readings on Wiki, I know next to nothing about anything that happens in KH2, for I'm currently on the first one, and not far in the first one at that (catching hell with that weird, underground cavern place in Aladdin's world…ugh, I hate mazes and such!). So, with that being the case, this only features Sora, Riku and Kairi. It's only a one-shot and is meant entirely for laughs. This brings me to another point. Of course everyone is out of character…yes, even precious little Sora (I like him, he's so sweet and innocent!), though I've ruined all of that here. He…cusses. If that's going to be a problem, ya might wanna turn back! But that aside, do enjoy!


It was a summer day on the Destiny Islands. One of those excruciatingly hot ones, where you felt like not only peeling all your clothes off but your skin as well…ew.

Sora's feet dragged sluggishly as he tried to make the short distance from his house to the secret cave tucked beside the large waterfall. Tripping on a seashell (yes, a tiny, insignificant seashell!), he fell to his hands and knees. This was it. He couldn't go any further.

Suddenly, a large shadow loomed over him. "Sora, what the heck are you doing?" Riku asked, a large smirk playing at his mouth. The boy was crawling at about a snail's pace.

"Water…need…water…" Sora gasped, forcing his arms to drag his lower body forward.

Another shadow appeared above him and a quick glanced showed it was Kairi. "Hey, Sora! Um…are you alright?" she asked. She paused in looking at him to take a gulp of water she'd brought with her in a bottle.

Sora's eyes locked onto it, the condensation running down the plastic, cold vapors visibly coming off of it…as Kairi took a final gulp and licked her lips, Sora did as well.

"Hey…Kairi…" he said, eyes still fixated on the bottle.

"Uh, yeah Sora?" she asked tentatively.

"Let me hit that H2O," panted in a weird way.

"What?" She knew that was the chemical make-up for water…but why was he asking it in such a perverted way?

"I said, let me taste your Aqua Fina," Sora said more urgently, attempting to stand on his shaky legs.

Riku's eyes widened at him. "Um, Sora? I don't think you're going about this right…"

Kairi took a step back from him. "Are you sure you're okay? I think this heat's getting to you…"

"Come on! Don't be stingy!" Sora yelled and lunged for her. The girl screamed and dodged him while Riku stepped forward and hit him at the base of his neck, knocking him out.

As Sora's vision faded, all he could think about was that water. "Agua…agua…" he whispered in a foreign tongue before darkness took over.

~.~.~

"Riku…I think you killed him."

"No I didn't! I mean, you can't die from a blow to the base of your neck, can you?"

A silence was heard between them and it was clearly understood that they were staring at each other in horror.

"Well, look, he was going to attack you! The kid had gone crazy! I didn't do anything wrong! I was just defending you! It's all his stupid fault! He brought this upon himself!" Riku raged, his voice high pitched and hysterical.

Kairi was silent for a moment. Then: "We need to dispose of his body," she said in a chilling whisper.

Riku stopped his frantic pacing of the cave and turned to her. "Where do you suggest?"

She thought for a moment. "There's an entire ocean around us. We'll just tie rocks to his body to weigh him down and toss his body off the side of the raft. We always agreed between us that if there was ever a weak link, it was Sora."

What the hell?

"Alright. But when? And what will we tell his family?" Riku said.

"We go at nightfall. And as for his family…we know nothing. The story is that Sora simply woke up one morning and simply disappeared. The last anyone saw of him was at his breakfast table. If we play this right, we might be able to get the villagers to think that his family killed him. I mean, no one's ever seen the rest of his family, they just might actually be murderers or something."

WTF? What kind of sick imagination—

"Alright," Riku said. "But we need to make sure no fishermen accidently sweep him up into their nets that drag the ocean floor. Should we cut up his body into smaller pieces for the fish to eat?"

"Hm, maybe," Kairi said.

Oh hell no!

Sora sat up from where he was laying and looked at them. "What in the world is wrong with you people? Talking about disposing of my body and cutting me up! I'm clearly alive over here! Anybody ever think of checking a pulse?"

"Oh. Sora!" Kairi said, forcing a large smile and a huge amount of enthusiasm.

"'Oh, Sora' nothing! You guys really think of me as a weak link?" His blue eyes grew wide, almost chibi-like.

"Sora, it's not like that," Riku said in a placating tone. "It's just that…sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do."

"And just what is that supposed to mean? It's still code for murder!" Sora shouted.

Riku was about to respond, but Kairi put a hand on his shoulder and shook her head. Then she slowly turned her eyes to Sora. "He knows too much."

Riku nodded in agreement. "So he does."

They started to advance toward him while he scrambled back on his hands. "Uh, wait, we can work this out! Hey, I'll fake my death! Yeah, there we go! Then you don't have to worry about really killing me! You can even keep me bound and gagged so I can't do anything! Wait! Riku! Kairi! Violence is not the solution! Oh gods, I'm still a virgin!"

They weren't listening. Now the last thing Sora saw was Kairi holding a large rock in her hands, brining it down fast upon him. Then, darkness.

~.~.~

"Sora? Sor-a! Hey, you just woke up, don't go back to sleep on us already!"

A bleary picture of a giggling Kairi formed in front of him. Suddenly, everything rushed back to him and he screamed, making an attempt to run from her. But he ended up bumping against the chest of Riku, who was also laughing.

"Stay away from me! Stay the hell away from me!" he shouted, trying to get away. He never realized that he was outside and not in the secret cave.

"Okay, he's been muttering strange things since he dozed off," Kairi said to Riku as they watched the boy run around in circles, screaming weird obscenities. "Should we go get him some psychiatric help?"

"Naw, this is too fun to watch. Besides, we warned him about what the label said…" Riku shrugged. "'Paopu Fruit Juice: Warning, may induce severe hallucinations and paranoia in some.' I guess Sora was in that 'some'."

So, together they watched Sora as he ran around in his fruit juice induced mental trauma.


Wow, how harsh to just watch your friend trip-out like that, lol! Anyways, reviews are appreciated. Thanks!