Disclaimer: I will only post this once since the fact that I don't own Twilight will never change. As you should all know, I DO NOT own Twilight or any of the characters, unless you don't recognize them, then I just made them up.
My birthday party certainly could have gone better, but considering the circumstances, I thought it went pretty well. I mean, it was all my fault that I'm a clumsy human who cuts herself in a room full of vampires after all. I personally would have forgotten about the whole thing willingly, if not for the fact that Edward and his entire family were being very careful around me, especially Jasper. I had tried to tell him already that it was my fault and I didn't blame him, but he just shook his head and backed away.
A few months passed in this same routine, me trying my hardest to make everyone else forget, and they in turn still trying their hardest to make sure I was safe. Edward and I had most of our senior classes together so we would have been able to talk a lot more during school than last year, if he'd been willing to talk to me at all. I could tell that he was growing more distant after what had happened and nothing I did could make him snap out of it.
It was December before he invited me to his house again. Of course, Alice, the least cautious of the family, had invited me over other times but I decided against going since I just stressed the Cullen's out. But this time, when Edward invited me, I went willingly, certain that he was out of his funk and ready to forget what had happened. I drove myself since he and his family had ridden together and Jasper was still wary of me. When I arrived Edward was waiting at the door. He led me inside and I was almost immediately besieged by Esme.
"It's been so long Bella!" she said.
"I know, I've been busy and I…well I knew that my being here stressed the family so I decided to give you time to settle again after my birthday party," I replied.
"You didn't need to do that Bella. We're all fine, that night…you just took us by surprise is all."
I shook my head, "no Esme, I go to school with Jasper, I know how he feels about me now and I respect that he wants to keep his distance. I just…I didn't think it would be so hard to stay away."
"Bella," Carlisle said from the kitchen doorway. "Jasper likes you, he just needed a little time to get control of himself again. I'm sure if you asked him now he'd say that he was fine with you being around again."
I didn't reply, I already knew that Jasper might say that to make his family happy, but I could tell that he would be uncomfortable around me now. Even more so since he and all the Cullen's knew that I was the most clumsy person on the planet.
Edward took my hand and tugged gently, "come on."
I followed him upstairs to his room and sat down on his black couch. He didn't sit next to me like I thought he would. Instead he paced back and forth in front of the shelves containing his CD collection.
"Edward, what's wrong?" I asked quietly.
He paced for another moment without answering, then stopped and looked at me. "Bella, I can't do this anymore."
My heart filled with dread. "I…I don't understand. What can't you do?" I asked just as quietly as before.
"I can't be with you."
I tried desperately to control my breathing but I knew that my heart was going crazy and that he could hear it. "Why? What did I do wrong? Is it because I'm so clumsy? Is it because of what happened at my party?" I asked.
He shook his perfect head and said, "it's me Bella. I don't…I don't love you anymore. I don't know what's changed but I don't feel the same anymore. I'm sorry."
I frowned at him and a sudden, unexpected burst of anger lashed out from me and I stood up, " 'it's me'? Is that all you can say Edward? 'it's me'? After everything that's…everything we've…how can you do this to me? I love you Edward! What's changed so much since September? You were fine until my birthday! How can you not feel the same? You don't fall out of love Edward! Not if you ever really loved someone!" my anger had disappeared to be replaced by despair and panic.
"I'm sorry Bella, really I am. I've been so selfish, letting you think that I loved you, letting you love me. I didn't want this to happen. I didn't want to know you, to have you feel the way you feel about me. I tried so hard to stay away from you and then…I gave in because I was selfish enough to not be able to stay away from your smell. And when I tell you that it's not you, I mean it Bella."
I sank back down on the couch, stunned by his words. He'd never loved me, he'd used me for his own ends. "You, you never loved me? You never…never wanted me? I just…I smelled good to you?" I whispered.
"But, you said something had changed! You said you didn't love me anymore and now you're saying you never loved me at all!"
"Bella," he said gently. "I was trying to make it easier for you. I thought that if you didn't know that I never shared your feelings…it would be easier for you to let go of someone who once loved you than someone who'd never loved you and used you. I truly am sorry Bella."
When he made to hug me I cringed away. "Don't touch me!" I said loudly through my tears. He backed up and before I could blink he had disappeared out the window. When I was sure he was gone, I pulled my legs up onto the couch and hugged my knees to my chest, crying into my hands. Edward, the man…the vampire…I had loved and wanted forever, had just walked out of my life.