Hey… wahhh I'm tired… it's 04:30 o' clock in the… morning? Well night :D But I was soo hooked on writing this tag… I don't know… perhaps it's boring and too long… but I like it… somehow… :D I really think they needed some time… and a talk after "Lucifer rising."
I'm watching Supernatural right now by the way… :D the first season… "Route 666"… awww good old times :D
Okay… enough… here is my tag to the amazing final of season four. Enjoy reading and review please.
Let bygones be bygones
The rescuing warmth of the only constant thing in the Winchester's life felt reassuring to Dean. He breathed hard, starting the car. Sam was sitting beside him, his jaw working and his nostrils moving, his eyes too bright. Dean had particularly dragged him outside. Out of the light. Out of the misery. Out of the past.
Lucifer… he was out. Out of hell…
He bit his lip. He was out of hell, too.
Dean gripped the wheel tighter, a feeling of sickness in his stomach. He needed to fix things or he would loose himself.
He needed to show Castiel and the rest of these angels-bastards what they have done.
He needed to fight the devil.
He needed to go to Bobby
But mostly… he needed Sammy… too long gone the feeling of being needed, to vanished the memories of happier days, when Sam was not strangling him. He sighed and looked again at Sam.
After what happened with Ruby, he really thought it would make him feel good to be right that Ruby was the poison, but surprisingly he felt sad. Not sad for killing her… no… that felt amazing… but bad for his brother, who fell for this bitch.
Huffing, Dean pulled out his cell, noticing that his little brother winced when he moved. He is coming were the last words Sam had said to him, afterwards he became quiet, irresolute, scared… he hasn't been willed to let his brother's jacket go, not knowing whether he should go or stay.
"Dean… damn it… you son of…" Dean closed his eyes briefly, hating his best friend's voice… well… second best friend's voice.
"Bobby…" Dean sighed relieved. "Are you okay?" He felt Sam's eyes linger on him and the cell phone, so he turned on the loudspeaker, hoping to make clear that he trusted Sam.
"What do you think? I was arguing with you and in the same moment you vanished… Where have you been… ah screw that… where are you right now?" Bobby shouted.
"On my way to you… Bobby… can you please fix our beds… I'm gonna tell you everything what happened when we're at yours." Dean gave Sam a brief glance, the kid looked awful and he couldn't imagine that he himself looked any better.
"We?" Bobby asked curiously. "Is Sam with you?"
"Yeah…" Dean couldn't help but letting out a breath, he hadn't realized that he was holding. "Sam's with me."
"Good… hurry up, but drive carefully. Say hello to your little brother." Bobby seemed to hear out of Dean's voice that his friend was feeling better with Sam as company.
Dean smiled slightly, when he hung up. "Hey Sammy… I hope you're okay with going to Bobby's, but I need to see him right now. Telling him everything… you know?" He insisted to begin a conversation… anything… but his brother shut down, saying nothing. Dean nodded sadly.
Sam didn't answer, but fiddled around with his sleeve, exposing one of the huge scars on his forearms. Dean should have been with his little brother, when he was gone with the wrong brother. He let his head fall, so much had been screwed up in the last year… in the last month.
When he had hugged Sam, after escaping from hell, he had believed that everything was gonna be okay. But then Ruby came back into their lives. Dean shuddered at the plain thought of that demon. She was the one who had messed up with his little brother, tricking him, playing him in every way, even messing around with Sam's feelings.
She had broken Sam's good heart. At least it looked like it.
This… poisoning bitch.
"Sam… we're here" Dean informed unnecessarily. The younger man was wide awake, his hard gaze on the porch of the hunter. Dean parked his precious Impala with a gentle movement, willing not to disturb Sam any more…
"I don't think that's a good idea." Sam whispered. Dean winced. It was like Sam had forgotten his name, the last time that Sam said his name was in the honeymoon-suit.
"To go to Bobby?" Dean asked, turning around in his seat. When Sam let his head fall, biting his lip, wordless, he knew what was that about. "Sammy… hey… come on…" He wanted to touch Sam's arm, but his little brother jerked away, so he let his hand fall onto his own lap, his eyes lingering soft on his brother's head. "… Bobby isn't mad at you… he wanted to kick my ass for being mad at you."
"Why… D-" Sam's voice broke and Dean expected to hear his name. "…damn it… I've knocked him out."
Dean really didn't know why he missed Sam saying Dean so often… he knew what his name was, but his little brother saying it always was something special. Sam's first word has been Dean and ever since then he couldn't help but feel confirmed, hearing Sam say it.
"Well… payback's a bitch… isn't it Sammy? We locked you into the panic-room and you knocked us out… so… well…everything's fine." Dean joked half-heartily. Nothing was close to fine.
Dean got out of the car, waiting in front of the hood for his brother to follow. Through the window he could see Sam struggle with himself. The younger man let out a shuddered breath, ran a hand over his face but got out.
"Oh boys… I'm gonna beat you two up… do ya wanna give me a heart attack?" Bobby approached them, with determined and fast steps. Dean felt his brother stand beside him.
"Uff" Dean panted, when the older man rushed into him and Sam at the same time, without slowing down. Sam was tense beside him, not moving or even breathing, while Bobby had one of his arms around his torso. Dean moved his arm, which wasn't pressed against Sam around Bobby, clapping his back. "We're okay Bobby."
"Come in…" Bobby let the brothers go. Sam remained standing there for a little while, until Dean gently shoved him forward. Sam looked straight into Dean's eyes for a short moment. Dean hated to see the guilt in them.
Inside the three men sat in the living room, no one spoke for some minutes, but eventually Bobby raised his voice. "What happened?" He sat on one of the chairs at the with files loaded table. Dean sat on the couch, having expected that Sam would sit down beside him, but the youngest man sat down on the armchair, eyes always fixed on his lap.
"Sammy… take a shower, would you?" Dean asked, looking at his little brother.
"Why… I could…" Sam raised his head, a slight hurt expression on his face. Dean smiled affectionately, when he interrupted him.
"We're not gonna plan on throwing you back into the panic-room." Dean assured. "I just don't want you to hear everything… I assume you know damn well what happened." No lies anymore.
Sam ran his hand through his hair and opened his mouth, like he wanted to say something, but without a further glance or a word, he headed to the bathroom.
Dean looked after his brother, sighing. "You okay, kiddo?" Bobby asked, switching seats from the chair to the couch, placing a hand on Dean's shoulder.
"Lucifer is free… The final seal was Sammy killing Lilith." Dean didn't look at Bobby, like he expected Bobby to start shout again.
"So he killed Lilith?" Bobby searched for Dean's eyes and was thankful, when Dean looked at him and nodded. "Dean… I can't help you, when you're not telling me everything." The older man gently pushed.
"Ruby was part of the plan… she worked together with Lilith… she tricked Sammy… all this time she make Sam and me fight… and our arguments just encouraged Sammy to go further and further… you should have seen the look on his face when we killed her…" Dean shook his head. "It's my…"
"When you wanna tell me that it's your fault better shut up right now… Sam doesn't need your guilt right now." Bobby pointed at the staircase, where Sam just vanished. "And I don't wanna hear that crap. When you wanna blame somebody, blame this bitch…" Bobby's voice was quiet. "So… he killed her?"
"We…killed her" Dean corrected. "…together… but Bobby… I don't know what to do… Lucifer…"
"…has broken out… I know…" Bobby scratched his forehead. "What the hell did the angels do all the time?"
"After I talked to you, I found myself in a waiting-room to heaven…" Dean's voice was full of disgust. "These stupid jerks wanted Sam to break the Seal, too… so the apocalypse would start… Cas helped me out of there… but honestly… I can't trust him… any of them."
"Okay… one last question before I'm gonna go to bed…" Bobby said. Dean knew that Bobby wanted to give him and Sam some bonding time and really appreciated that. "What's up between ya two? Is he mad at ya?"
"I have no idea… I behaves like I would actually really give him a beat-down…" Dean smiled. "You were right Bobby… thought I don't like the things you said about dad… you're right that I'm not like him…"
"Is that so?" Bobby smiled. "That doesn't sound like you regret it."
"Nah… I loved him… I still do… no doubt… but…" Dean leant against the back of the couch more heavily, smiling up at his friend. "…I had the courage to call Sam… something dad never had, when Sammy was in Stanford… and hell… though family doesn't mean to make you happy… they can give you a damn good feeling."
"Sammy's here… isn't he?" Dean rolled his eyes, when Bobby smiled even brighter at his confession.
"Okay… Sam's gonna come every minute… he just turned the shower off…" Bobby stood up. "Tonight I don't want to catch you anything else but uniting together. When I see that you two plan something against Lucifer, you're not gonna see the next morning."
"Yes sir." Dean chuckled, earning a gentle slap on his shoulder for calling Bobby sir.
"Good night…" The older hunter left the room, still smiling… today night they would simply ignore the danger.
Dean closed his eyes, crossed his arms behind his head and waited like that, listening carefully to everything that was happening in the house.
When he heard the a stair creaking, he looked up. Sam had his arms crossed in front of his chest, looking anywhere else but at his brother, when he sat down on the chair, farest away from Dean.
"Dude… am I stinking?" Dean asked, glaring at his brother when he didn't received an answer. "Sam… come here and sit down comfortable."
Unsurprisingly Sam didn't obey. He let his face fall into his hands, like he couldn't support the weight of his head just with his neck.
"Man… you're annoying me…" Dean told his little brother irritated, standing up, crossing the distance between him and Sam. He placed a second chair in front of his brother, as close as he could, placing his hand on Dean's knee.
"Sammy…" Dean was startled, when the younger one jumped up, like he was burnt by Dean's hand. "Would you please talk to me?" He looked after the other man, who let himself fall into the couch, again fiddling with his sleeve.
"I'm sorry" Sam's anguished voice trembled and again he hid his head into his hands, supporting the elbows on his thighs.
"Sam… it wasn't your fault… this bitch tricked us damn well… it was her fault." Dean followed his brother again. "We're gonna be okay… we even gonna survive Lucifer… the apocalypse together."
"No" Sam shook his head, jumping up again, gesticulating wildly with his arms, shouting at his big brother. "Damn it… you said yourself that I am the monster… the blood sucking freak… the vampire…" He breathed hard, and so did the older brother. "You said that there is no fucking way back."
"Wow wow wow wow wow… take a deep breath Sam…" Dean stood up to, holding his hands up in a defensive manner. "I've called you a monster… and that was wrong… but I didn't say anything else… you are NOT a vampire or a freak. And there's always a way back… so why would you say it?"
"You said it… and I don't blame you… you're right." Sam sniffed. "I've made the wrong decisions and I've disappointed you… now I've gotta live with you hating me." Sam's voice was calm again, his head hanging down. "I just want you to do it quick… kick me out… kill me… anything… but please… don't pretend you're caring about me."
"What are you talking about boy?" Dean asked, gently pushing Sam down onto the couch, sitting down beside him. "I do care… that's why we fought so much…" Dean ran a hand through Sam's wet hair, glad that Sam was too weak to move. "I was scared that you would have get yourself killed with doing what you did… yeah… you're right you've made a few wrong decisions… but we both did and I could never hate you for it..."
He cleared his voice, when Sam didn't answer, he continued. "I said horrible thing over the last year… and I'm really sorry… especially that I would want to kill you if I didn't know you… or that you're a monster. I have been furious and I shouldn't have said it. I would never try to kill you, Sammy."
"But you told me that you would want to kill me… because you gave up saving me." Sam shouted again.
Dean frowned at him. "What?" he asked. "When should I have said something like that?"
"Same time you called me a vampire and a freak…" Sam looked finally at his big brother and held the gaze, tears in his eyes.
"Sammy… I've never said thing like that." Dean kept his voice quiet, even and gentle.
Without another word, Sam gripped his cell phone. With trembling hands he switched it on and let the last voicemail play.
Hey it's me… uhm… look I just get right to it…I'm still pissed… and I own you a serious beat-down but... I've shouldn't have said what I've said. I'm not dead…We're brother's you know…family…andah… how matter how bad it gets, it doesn't change. Sammy I'm….
Sam looked at his brother. "Dean… that's…" Finally. Dean thought. He smiled at Sam, hearing his name, but his smile vanished, when he saw the tears, which ran over his brother's face, when Sam continued: "…that's not the message I've heard…" He paused, catching his breath. "This bitch" He let his head fall again in his hands.
"Did she change the message?" Dean stroke back the long bags of his brother, when Sam nodded. "I'm sorry…" He apologized for his brother torment, wishing he could have prevented it… his brother shouldn't believe that Dean could say such things.
He scooted a little closer to his brother, moving both arms around Sam's body, causing Sam to cry.
Trembling heavily, but held by his big brother, Sam finally let every emotion out, that he had locked inside for the last year.
"Shhh" Dean caressed his brother's hair, closing his eyes, when Sam hugged him back, holding on tight. "We're good Sammy… we're good." He leaned his cheek against Sam's top, while the younger one sobbed into Dean's neck. "I don't hate you… I've never had and I never will…"
"Dean… I'm so sorry… I'm…." Sam's voice broke, a hitched breath escaping his lips.
"Sam… you're gonna make yourself sick… calm down…" Dean felt the lump in his throat rising, tears stinging in his eyes.
They stayed like that for a long time. For Dean it didn't felt awkward… it was just a big brother holding his little brother. Not more not less and hell… he was still the big brother.
When Sam's sobs had quiet down, he pulled away, though he didn't break the connecting. Sam wouldn't look at him, his gaze on his lap, sheepishly. "Hey Sammy… you shouldn't have believed that, what you heard… you know me… I wouldn't say such things." He said, a hand on Sam's chin. "We just had problems… but hey… we're brothers I could never think any less of you… You can't confuse anger mit hate, Sammy… I" He sputtered, but he had to say those words… for Sam's sake. "I loved you all the time through and nothing's gonna ever change that… remember that."
"After everything what happened the last year… I wasn't so sure whether you prefer seeing me dead or seeing me alive." Sam sniffed.
"Okay… that's crap…" Dean leaned against the back of the couch, pulling Sam with him. "So Sam you are badly mistaken when you think that I would want to see you dead. Really… it's freaking me out what happened the last year…" He looked up when he felt Sam's gaze um him. "We're gonna work this out… right now… even if we have to sit here the whole night." The corners of Sam's mouth moved slightly, a ghost of a Sam-smile appearing.
"Okay… dude… that's gross… you really let me sleep in the back of the Impala though you had… fun with Anna there a few days before?" Sam laughed. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"How should I have told you? Hey Sammy… after I've came back from hell I've slept with an angel… would have been a hilarious talk." Dean laughed, too.
The last hours they have talked about everything that happened the last year, what they felt... what they went through. The only topic they've left out was Ruby and the relationship with Sam… they didn't even mention her name, just calling her 'she'… whenever Sam had talked about his time. Dean didn't push, too… he knew enough about her and wasn't interested in her, just in his little brother.
Adam and the ghouls was another topic which was hard to talk about. Both of the boys suffered under those memories more than each of them let on. But they figured it out together.
Now… since about five minutes they talked about Anna, since Sam had realized that Dean had liked her.
"Well… at least you could have rented a room for you two… I mean… the Impala? I'm hardly allowed to sit in the car… and you…" Sam shook his head.
"Awww Sammy… come on… don't be so prude." Dean placed one of his arms around Sam's shoulders, letting his little brother lean against him.
"I'm not prude…" Sam defended. "The Impala will never be the same again for me…"
"You are a bitch…" Dean informed Sam matter of factly. Sam just leaned more heavy against him. "Hey Sammy… I'm starving… come on… get up… let's fetch something to eat." He nudged his brother, so Sam stood up and they could both go into the kitchen.
"Soo let's see what Bobby has bought for breakfast." Dean opened the fridge. "Okaaaay…" He murmured. "…you wanna eat cheese? Bobby has a lot of it… dude…" He looked up and down, seeing nothing else but milk, cheese, soda and two bowls, with suspenseful contents. "…you know whether Bobby had robbed a dairy?"
"Don't ask me…" Sam held up his hands, walking over to his brother. "What's in the bowls?" He supported his chin on Dean's solid shoulder, peeking into the fridge. Dean smiled. The last time Sam was this clingy it has been the week after they were at the Mystery Spot. He didn't mind though.
"Uhm… some kinda pasta in the one and in the other is something I can't really make out…but both of it looks like you would get food intoxication… sooo wanna look into the refrigerator to see whether Bobby has some ice-cream?"
Sam nodded, leaning against the table, watching Dean, searching for some ice-cream.
"Yeahh" Dean smiled, turning around to show Sam a fresh bowl of ice-cream. "Fetch two spoons…" He ordered kindly, making his way back to the living room, sitting down on the edge, his back between the armrest and the back. When Sam joined him with two spoons, he sat down close beside Dean, one leg over Dean's lap, letting it dangle on the other side. Dean reacted immediately, placing a pillow onto his brother's knee to settle the bowl there.
"The last time we ate ice-cream out of one bowl, I was about fourteen." Sam reminisced, swallowing. Dean looked at him… he would give anything to go back in time to undo what happened. But at the same time, after talking about everything what happened he finally felt good again… needed…
It had been quiet in the whole house, no chuckling, not crying, no complaining and no talking anymore, when suddenly one stair creaked again… probably the same one which creaked hours before. The boys didn't wake up though; too save in their for once good dreams. They didn't even move when the oldest hunter came into the room, smiling at the scene in front of him.
"Yeah, boys… that's good." He praised the sleeping forms.
Dean was still sitting between armrest and the back of the couch, his neck pressed against the corner where the back and the armrest met, his legs stretched in front of him, toughing the floor, his one arm, which was next to the back of the couch laid over Sam's chest, leant against him. The younger man's legs were stretched over the length of the couch, his head buried into Dean's shirt, beside the older man's shoulder. On the floor in front of them were a bowl with melted ice-cream and two spoons, which were glued onto the carpet.
Bobby shook his head, fetched two pillows and two blankets and made his way over to his boys. He lifted Dean's head gently so he could place a pillow under Dean's neck, making him more comfortable. Afterwards he covered the older Winchester's torso and legs with a blanket, dropping the other one over Sam's sleeping form. The second pillow Bobby laid under Sam's head.
Sam moved unconsciously in his sleep, covering Dean's hand, which was still laying on the spot over his own heart with his hand.
Bobby nodded, and held the two hands for a moment, squeezed them gently before bringing the bowl and the spoons back into the kitchen, placing them into the sink. After that the old hunter turned the lights off and went back into his room.
About half an hour later, a heavy and reassuring blanket of quietness and dark covered the house, in which three hunters… three friends… three family members were sleeping in. They all didn't know what the future would bring, but at least they could be sure that it didn't matter what it would be, as log as they were together.
And they would be together.
Because like this they could do anything.
Reviews PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!!.... wow… I'm actually begging :D