If you haven't read my stories before you might not understand some of this. You are welcome to start readind here, but to find out brought us to this point read my other stories. Just go to my profile page and click on my first story "he's not my brother" all my stories so far are linked. To find out why TOny and Ziva are fighting at least read my last story "Blast from the past."

Well done to those who have read all my stories and stuck with me through the good and the bad. Thanks for your ongoing support. Keep the reviews coming. always love feedback.

Happy reading.... and reviewing

Chapter 1

Ziva pried her eyes open. She couldn't believe her alarm was sounding already. Was it really morning? She pushed her legs over the side of the bed. She didn't want to get up but her Mossad training would not have allowed her to give in to her weaknesses and emotions. She grabbed her sweats and began to dress for her morning run. She wiped the sleep from her eyes and tied her long straight hair in a pony tail. She neatened her room slightly, packed a bag with clothing for the day and then walked out the front door, putting the 'ready for cleaning' door hanger over the knob.

It had been inconvenient being further away from where she liked to run but she made do, and would shower and change quickly at work instead of going all the way back to the hotel.

Running gave Ziva time to think. Feeling the crisp morning breeze against her face reminded her she was alive and healthy, and that was something to be thankful for in a world were it seemed nothing would even be normal or happy again. Each day she pushed herself to run a little further, a little harder, but her body couldn't handle much more. The stress and lack of sleep meant she was worn down and this aggravated her.

As she jogged she'd run through all the awful things in her head. The kiss in the car. The path of cloths that lead Ziva's eyes right to the sight of another woman on top of her half naked husband. This thought always made her run faster, it was as if she thought running faster would allow her to leave that awful memory behind her.

It had been two weeks since the incident. The case was closed and thankfully Miriam hadn't shown her face at NCIS since that night. Ziva had refused to allow this to force her to leave NCIS or America. This was her home and she wasn't giving it up without a fight. It had been difficult sitting across from Tony day in and day out but she had reverted back to her cold, impenetrable exterior and nothing was getting through that. She worked like a machine, showing no sign of emotion, even though deep down her heart broke every time she saw his sad, concerned face. He'd tried to talk to her several times but she had told him in no uncertain terms that she was not ready to talk with him about it and that NCIS headquarters was hardly the place to have that conversation anyway. Apart of her was dying to feel his hand run across her bare skin, up her neck and clutch her face as he kissed her and explored her body, she wanted him to make her moan and scream like he used to. She yearned for him, throbbed for him. But her will power was far stronger then any need such as sex.

She had to give him credit. Tony had been trying hard to make things right and convince her he had no desire for that banshee, but he'd still allowed her into their apartment, he'd allowed her into a position where he was vulnerable after Ziva had made her concern about Miriam more then well known.

Would she take him back? She didn't know. She knew she couldn't think of anyone else in the same way, and no one had fit her so well in so many ways before. There was no denying she still loved him, but would that be enough to repair the broken trust between them? Love was not always a kind being, it was often a merciless beast prepared to torment and destroy if it got the opportunity. Ziva had often thought of love as a rot wheeler. Given the right nurturing and care it would be loyal and warm, but turn your back too long and it would attack your throat without a second thought.

Affairs of the heart were never Ziva's strong point. Knifes and cargo pants she knew, but love was a mystery she found troubling. Anything she could not master, could not control and needed to rely on someone other then herself was daunting for Ziva.

At the end of her run she collapsed on the grass in front of her car. She sat there, breathing deeply, her legs aching. She looked at her watch, she'd taken another 5 minutes today, how could that be when she'd pushed herself so hard? Two months ago she was able to do the same run in an hour, now it was taking an hour and 18 minutes, this did not impress her. Not only did it mean she was slowing down, it also meant she was getting later and later to work.


Ziva rushed into the squad room, she was wearing her standard uniform, pants and a light knit sweater. She held her brush in her right hand, untangling her wet hair as she strode into the bullpen. Tony looked at her. He was always excited to see her, but at the same time, it hurt him that she still wasn't home with him, that he was still sleeping on the couch in front of a DVD because it didn't seem right to sleep in their big bed without her.

An IM appeared on Ziva's screen opening it she read. "I miss you." She looked up at the sender, he kept his head down, but glanced up with his eyes, seeing the smile on her face forced a half smile on his. He returned back to his work, keeping true to his vow not to pressure her. No one in the office really knew what to think about what was going on. They knew Ziva wasn't staying with any of them but didn't know she was staying at a hotel, they just assumed she was back with Tony and trying to work it out. Another message came through. "I put some more of clothes in a pack behind your desk." Ziva turned around in her chair and spied the backpack Tony was talking about, and turned back to her computer replying "Thank you Tony." He knew how much that meant coming from her. Plus it was the first IM she's returned to him since that night.


Ziva made it home safely that night, she started to unpack the backpack Tony had put together for her. There was a clean set of underwear, a pair of pants, fresh socks and a few different tops for her to choose from. She pulled out the clothing, it smelt like him. She brought it up to her nose and took a large breath in imagining it was him she was smelling. When she looked down she saw that at the bottom of her bag was her photo of her and her siblings from when she was younger. With a post-it note attached to it saying 'I know you feel better knowing they are still close to you.' She sat on her bed, taking in his scent and looking at his kind thought. She picked up her phone and started to send a text. 'I will be running at 0500 hours.'

First chapter down. review and I'll update.... PROMISE!!!!!