Thumping Vengeance

Bill. Bill. Fan letter- for his father. Bill. Fan letter for his mother. Junk. Junk. Newspaper. Junk.

"I need to do this more often," Shinichi sighed, tossing letters into various piles. His mail was still picked up by Agasa-Hakase, since he didn't really want Okiya looking through it. The student didn't really get any mail himself anyway.

Shinichi tossed the last letter onto the bills pile and pulled another one out of his pocket, an oddly bulky one that had come to the agency that morning addressed to "Edogawa Conan".

"What's that?" Agasa-Hakase asked, pausing with whatever he was doing- Shinichi had long ago acquired the habit of not asking- and set down the blowtorch, raising his visor to get a better look.

"It came to the agency for me this morning," Shinichi said, ripping the envelope open. "It's a little odd and I was on my way out anyway, so I figured I'd open it here."He pulled out a letter and unfolded it. Something else in the envelope clinked gently.

Conan-kun,

It's been a while! I just wanted to thank you for helping us protect the Shikon No Tama from the Kaitou Kid (I think you were more help than the police!) so I asked onee-san to make this for you. It's very special. Give it to someone you don't like, and the first thing you yell at them will become a magic word. Only you'll be able to undo it. Put it to good use! (I had to write that because Okaa-san was watching. What I mean is, have fun!)

Higurashi Sota

"Hey, it's the kid from the Higurashi Shrine heist, Sota-kun," Shinichi said in surprise, remembering the boy he'd met at an inter-shougako football tournament.

"Oh, I remember I saw part of that heist on TV," Agasa-Hakase said. "It was awfully strange, even for a Kid heist."

"Tell me about it," Conan said. "We never did figure out where all those diamonds came from. Hmm?" he'd up-ended the envelope and a necklace had fallen out onto the tabletop. On closer inspection, it was more like a holy rosary, but there were two types of beads, one a translucent dark blue and other white, and shaped like a comma. Shinichi picked it up and turned it over.

"Strange rosary," Agasa-Hakase observed.

"Perhaps it's cursed," Ai commented.

"Haibara!" Shinichi jumped a mile. "When did you get here?" She was standing right behind him, reading the letter.

"It mentions magic words and someone you don't like," Ai said, ignoring him. "So perhaps it's cursed." Shinichi hurriedly dropped it. "I'm sure it's nothing particularly dangerous. It was made by a miko and if it only responds to you, she must have known that it would be used by a child. I doubt it's anything fatal."

"I doubt it does anything," Shinichi said, picking up the rosary again and pretending that he hadn't been severely scared of it a moment ago. "He says it's magic. I mean, do you buy that?"

"I like to keep an open mind," Ai said enigmatically, wandering off to her lab. "I'm sure it won't do any harm to try it out, though..."

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"Tadaima!" Shinichi called as he returned to the agency. Nobody replied.

"Ran must be out," he thought, peering into the office, "and Occhan..." he sighed as, predictably, the worthless adult in question was spotted snoring on his desk.

Shinichi wandered over to the table where he'd left his issue of Shonen Sunday and then slowed, an idea coming to him.

"Well, Haibara's right," he thought, tiptoeing up to the desk, though given that Mori Kogoro's snoring had been known to summon blue whales such stealth was probably unnecessary. "It wouldn't do any harm just to try it out, would it...?"

He climbed up onto the desk and carefully slipped the rosary over Kogoro's head. He snorted as Shinichi lifted his head to get the beads around his neck, muttering incoherently as he started to wake.

"Crap," Shinichi thought, jumping off of the desk and endeavouring to put as much space between himself and Kogoro as possible. Kogoro yawned as he sat upright, the rosary slipping into place around his neck.

"Hmm?" he murmured, picking up the necklace and staring at it. "What the hell's this ugly thing?" Shinichi hid behind his issue of Shonen Sunday, pretending to be absorbed in cinema times for The Raven Chaser. Kogoro grunted and started to pull the necklace off. Then he yelped. "What the hell?!"

Shinichi looked out from behind the magazine as Kogoro attempted to pull the rosary over his head again, only for it to glow red and sparks to shoot into his hands, causing him to drop the necklace with a yelp once more. "What the- you!" he pointed an accusing finger at Shinichi. "You did this somehow, didn't you, brat?!"

"C'mon, Ojisan," Shinichi said, backing away nervously as Kogoro stalked towards him, hands fisting for a quality thumping. "H-how could I do something weird like that?"

"I don't know, but I swear- aaugh!" Kogoro had grabbed the rosary and jerked it to emphasize his point, but had jerked it too high and had been zapped for it again.

"Baka," Shinichi called, laughing. The rosary suddenly glowed white, and a second later, Kogoro was face-down on the office floor.

"What the-?" Shinichi said, then remembered Sota's letter. "Whoa, it's for real..."

"You little brat! This is your doing!" Kogoro roared, jumping to his feet angrily. "I'm gonna thump you so hard-"

"Baka!" Shinichi yelled again, backing away. Once again, the rosary glowed white, and Kogoro hit the deck. "Baka! Baka! Baka!" Every time Kogoro got back to his feet (or even his knees), yelling about how he was going to pound Conan's skull in, the rosary dragged him back down at Shinichi's command. Shinichi couldn't help laughing.

Then the phone rang. Still subduing Kogoro every few seconds, Shinichi walked over to the phone and picked it up. "Mori detective agency, how can we help you?" then, covering the receiver, he called "Baka!" at Kogoro, who had made it to his feet again, incandescent with rage.

"Conan-kun? Oh, you're back."

"Ran-neechan!" he said cheerily, then covered the receiver again. "Baka." Uncovered. "What's up?"

"Oh, just to let you and Otou-san know, I'm going into Shibuya with Sonoko and a few others, so I won't be back until dinnertime, all right?"

"Haiiii," Shinichi sang happily, adding another "baka" to the raging Kogoro.

"Just so you know. See you later!"

"That was Ran-neechan, Baka," Shinichi said as Kogoro struggled upright, growling. "She said she's not going to be back until dinnertime."

"-Gonna thump you so hard- what?"

Kogoro gulped as Conan's glasses flashed in the light. He suddenly started mentally tallying up every time that he'd thumped the boy. The projected final number reminded him of a rather strange meme that he'd come across a lot online. He suddenly feared that Conan was thinking the same thing.

"Payback time... baka."

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Dedicated to Pretztailfan95, a comment conversation with whom led this strange minific idea to blossom in my head. IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAND!!!

The Kid heist referred to is in fact a crossover fic that my little brother wrote, InuYasha vs the Kaitou Kid. It's online under my username, SesshoMaru4kagura4ever, since he doesn't have his own account and can't be bothered to get one. He should, since he's a good writer too. I might put it up on my account as well, although remember it is in no way mine.

All characters referred to belong to Aoyama Gosho or Takahashi Rumiko. I would never pretend to own them, a) because I have a huge amount of love and respect for these two artists, b) because they have better lawyers than me, and c) because the case would be lost anyway the second I'm asked to draw them. So don't sue me! (all I have to give anyway is a box of old Pokémon cards and more books than my school library)