A/N: Sorry if this gets confusing. This is a three way dialogue between Jack, Ianto and Gwen while on a mission. Unfortunately Jack is very easily distracted. Especially on a race day.

"Guys, I'm closing in on the target"

"Okay Gwen"

"We need to triangulate our search patterns. Jack you need to be closer"

"Sorry Ianto… I'll be there in a minute"




"Jack? Where the hell are you?"




"Did he just say zchoom?"

"I think he did Gwen. Jack? What's going on?"

"Erm… nothing"

"Is this you trying to be all innocent again"

"Do you really think I would try that on you PC Cooper? And it's a late brake for Button as he sque- Oops"

"What was that?"



"Jack! You're watching Formula 1?"

"I'm not!"

"You are, we can hear it!"

"I'm not. Really. I'm completely focused on catching the… erm… on the mission currently at hand"

"So you don't even know what we're tracking"

"Jack, are you watching the F1? Lie to me and I swear decaff for a month"

"Damn. Fine. But come on, its Monaco! This is the ultimate in motorsport!"


"What Gwen?"

"There's this magical thing. It's called iPlayer!"

"But its not the same!"

"Stop whining and turn off the bloody pda. Help us Jack"

"I hate you"

"Great Gwen. Now he's a three year old"

"Just help. Now its moved so if my data is correct we have to get back to the SUV and relocate so we can start the whole process again"




"Sorry Gwen"

"What'd she say?"

"Were you watching it again Harkness?"


"He was!"

"Ianto, you snitch! No sex for a month!"

"Come on Jack, you know you won't be able to make good on that threat"

"Oh for Gods sake!"

"Still… Gwen Ianto was watching it too!"


"Jack! That's it. You're on decaff!"


"Ianto, how can you watch that stuff?"

"I can't help it Gwen. He's right. It is exciting."

"For gods sake, couple of bits of carbon-fibre going in a circle! Its dull!"

"Gwen! Take that back!"

"Only if you both STOP WATCHING THE F1!"

"Woah. Fine, calm down!"

"OK Gwen"

"Good. I take it back. Now back to the SUV"

"Hey! I thought I was leader!"

"Only when you're focusing Jack"

"I am focused. See. I'm here before you. Hello empty SUV. Where's Gwen you ask? Probably pottering about the shops looking for leather jackets"

"Did you just say pottering?"

"Uh… yes, yes I did"

"I'm so gonna shoot you Jack!"

"Fine, do what you want. But if you get blood on my coat you'll have to answer to Ianto. Think about it Gwen. Decaff hell"

"Aw crap."

"Speaking of which. Where is my gorgeous Welshman?"



"He's not answering his comms Jack"

"Do you think something's happened to him?"

"I dunno. Ianto!"

"I'm picking up his signal Jack. He's still alive"

"What the hell's happened to him?"


"Hello? What? Zchoom Bugger"

"For Gods sakes Ianto!"


"Shut up Jack"

A/N: So, didya like it? I'm struggling to come up with stuff at the minute, bit of writers block, sorry. Anyway, Go Mark Webber and Timo Glock! You'll do awesome next weekend!