I awaken at noon,

pockets full of cash,

and onto the street,

I madly dash.

I see a nice car,

a red SUV,

I steal the ride,

and drive into a tree.

It flips right over,

the windows smash,

and onto the sidewalk,

my car does crash.

I crawl out the window,

a hookers asks for my load,

I hit her with a bat,

and watch my car explode.

An old lady walks by,

I kick her in the knees,

by this time,

the boys-in-blue yell, "Freeze!"

I say,"Come and get me."

never afraid to boast,

and pull out a flamethrower,

time for a roast!

The cops pull up,

I hear their sirens ring,

I pull out the shotgun,

and let it sing.

I take the cop car,

with no fear for life or limb,

the seats all the way back,

clearly this pig wasn't slim.

I hit the lights,

suddenly I'm 5-0,

pull up next to me,

you're dead on arrival.

"Suspect last seen in Torrington."

the radio does blare,

I step on the gas,

a fiend's been flushed from his lair.

I pull up next to the felon,

speeding in his bobcat,

then I roll down my window,

to let my uzi have a chat.

The bullets start to fly,

the shells begin to drop,

and my new friend realizes,

I'm no regular cop.

He loses control,

spins into the grass,

before he gets moving,

I cop-stop his a$$.

He jumps out the door,

at his efforts I scoff,

I pull out my nine,

to finish things of.

He has something else,

that I can discern,

he spins, it's an uzi!

the tables have turned.

The bullets fly,

I dive behind his truck,

how could this happen to me?

what terrible luck.

As hope is running out,

in comes a flash of white and red,

I peer over the truck,

the suspect is dead.

The Yakuza have arrived,

with a message for me,

apparently I'm the man,

Asuka's dying to see.

We pull up to her pad,

I'm in the backseat of the stinger,

the gangmembers jet,

they were told not to linger.

I'm greeted by women,

their tops cut low,

the only jobs tonight,

involve the word "blow."

The day was rough,

on both sides of the law,

but what I got was worth it:

menage a trois.