Author's note: This just came to me. I have no idea why. It's kinda funny though, don't you think? Please read and review. It's been a long time since I've attempted to write humour. I may be a bit rusty. Cheers!
Why Doesn't She Like Me?
"Uhura doesn't like me very much, does she?" Kirk asked of the Vulcan walking next to him.
"No," Spcok's eyebrow soared. "I do not believe she does," he stated matter-of-factly.
"Why doesn't she like me?" Kirk asked, almost pleadingly. "Everyone likes me."
Spock's eyebrow remained in his hairline. "I believe her dislike of you may stem from your first encounter at the bar near the Riverside shipyard." Spock offered, helpfully.
Kirk almost stumbled as he and Spock continued toward the turbolift at the end of the corridor. "She told you about that, huh?" he dipped his head in embarrassment.
"Lieutenant Uhura and I do not keep secrets."
"Oh course you don't." Kirk sighed and tried, unsuccessfully, not to roll his eyes. "But that was ages ago. She should have gotten over that by now."
"I believe she also feels strongly toward you because of the way you treated me when we first met. Also, what you said to me in order to gain control of the Enterprise." A pause. "The Lieutenant is very...protective of me."
Kirk looked incredulously over at Spock. "Do you think it was easy for me to say those things to you?"
"Of course not, Jim." Spock replied tonelessly. "I do not hold you responsible for what you said. You did what was necessary to gain control of the ship in order to stop Nero."
Kirk was nodded vehemently. "Exactly, and as I recall, I got my ass kicked for my trouble."
Kirk swore a smile passed over the Vulcan's face before he said, "Yes, you did."
"So, why doesn't Uhura like me? You don't hold me responsible for what I said, so why should she?"
"It may also have something to do with the fact that you continue to openly stare at parts of her anatomy whilst you are in her company." Spock said frankly, turning to glance sidelong as his friend. His expression remained neutral.
Kirk began to defend himself, but stopped. "Okay, well, I'll give her that. I do stare."
Spock nodded. "Even though you know she and I are together you still stare."
"Well," Kirk shrugged. "I will endeavor to keep my eyeballs to myself in future."
Spock inclined his head. "I do believe that is wise, Jim. If you persist in staring at her I do not think the Lieutenant can be held responsible for her actions."
Kirk grinned wickedly. "Feisty,"
"Jim," Spock intoned.
"So, it doesn't bother you that I ogle your woman?" Kirk interrupted before Spock could finish his sentence. They were at the turbolift now. Kirk stepped into it first and turned, gazing at his friend, waiting for an answer.
"Is that your intention? For your blatant appreciation of the Lieutenant's physique to 'bother' me?" Spock turned the question around and now he waited for Kirk's answer.
"No, but it would certainly bother me if Uhura was my girl." Kirk confessed.
"Lieutenant Uhura is perfectly capable of defending her own honour. She would not appreciate me fighting those battles for her." Spock said, reasonably.
"Do you think maybe you could put in a good word for me? She's your girlfriend, she should listen to you." Kirk asked, a bit desperately.
"I am absolutely certain that if I 'put in a good word,' as you say, it would only go toward furthering the Lieutenant's dislike of you." Spock confessed, his tone measured.
Kirk frowned. "Really?"
Spock nodded. "Yes, I believe so. Lieutenant Uhura is a very strong willed individual. She must reach her own conclusions at her own pace. Any input from me would only make her want to continue to dislike you because she will know that you asked me to talk to her on your behalf."
"Feisty," Kirk repeated, this time almost in awe.
"Indeed," Spock replied, his tone almost matching Kirk's. The turbolift doors closed on the two friends; one was grinning and the other had his eyebrow raised.