Recipe for Twilight FF (Canon Couples)
By now most of us have read so much fan fiction we are thinking- "Hey, I could do that." To assist in your writing endeavors, I am providing the basic recipe for a Canon Couple Twilight Fan Fic.
1. handsome male with messy auburn highlighted hair, strong jaw line, well-defined six pack, long slender fingers, crooked smile, green or honey amber colored eyes.
2. attractive female with long brown hair, large expressive chocolate colored eyes, heart shaped face and body to die for.
a. pixie-like female with highly excitable disposition, ability to bounce at will and compulsive fashion fetish. (This ingredient will naturally combine with ingredient b.)
b. blond male with lazy southern drawl, laid back disposition and a soothing demeanor.
c. beautiful self-absorbed blond with a bitchy attitude but loyal heart of gold for those she deems worthy of her affection. (This ingredient will naturally combine with ingredient d.)
d. large male with infectious sense of humor and ability to kick ass.
Special note: Additional ingredients may share common DNA with either ingredient 1 or 2, but NEVER both! That kind of shit is only legal in Kentucky and W. Virginia.
Auxiliary ingredients (sprinkle in as necessary):
e. blond father-figure with a medical degree.
f. caramel-colored hair mother-figure.
g. strong but silent father-figure wearing a badge.
h. Ditsty but lovable mother-figure with features that strongly resemble ingredient 2. (only the essence is usually needed)
Special note: Any of these ingredients may still be used even if they are expired and will add a unique flavor
i. One large male of Native American descent. (Note: too much of this character will induce heart fail or anger among your readers.)
j. Assorted fruits and nuts (A.K.A friends) (Note: all males must have an unrequited desire for ingredient two and all females must objectify and lust after ingredient 1.)
Combine all ingredients in scenario of your choosing and allow to combine naturally.
Observe and record interactions.
IMPORTANT NOTES OF CAUTION!!!!!!!!
Prior to combining ingredients 1 and 2 in your scenario make sure:
1. Both ingredients are in a vampiric state OR
2. Sexual organ of ingredient 1 is sheathed in a prophylactic device OR
3. Ingredient 2 is properly marinated in hormones that eliminate ovulation OR
4. Ingredient 2 lacks ovaries totally. (To determine this- hold ingredient closely to your ear and listen for whining)
FAILURE TO HEED THIS PRECAUTION WILL RESULT IN IMMEDIATE INSEMINATION AND REPRODUCTION OF AN ADDITIONAL CHARACTER YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE INTENDED UPON
Seriously- ingredients 1 and 2 are so cosmically attracted to one another that even their spunk and eggs can't help but get it on.