Monsters like us
I don't know where this idea came from, but I had it one day and decided to go with it. It's difficult to gave Gogo depth, but bear with it as I believe it's an interesting perspective on her. Remember to review after! Thank you!
Gogo's eyes flickered slowly in the morning light. She knew it was early, but she could not bring herself to open her eyes fully. There were two main reasons for this. One, Gogo Yubari never got up early for anyone except her boss, O-Ren, and even then it was one of the few things Gogo was unwilling to carry out for her. And two, Gogo knew something was wrong. Someone was beside her, and she had a bad feeling she knew who it was. She did not want to confirm her suspicions, so she simply laid there, the early sun blaring down upon her crumpled, naked form hidden under the bed sheets.
She felt movement beside her and her stomach twisted uncomfortably. Of course, she never usually felt like this. Usually, her 'friend' she had shared the night with would have been dead by now. She had killed a fair few, Gogo wasn't going to lie. After a while, they all blended into one another…they were all the same…straight black hair, an attractive face, good body…even their names had began to blend into one after a while….what did a name matter anyway? Whether his name had been Daichi or Tadao…whether he was a Kyo or a Yukio…he had slept with Gogo the same way…been killed the same way…she saw no reason to fuss over details such as names, although Gogo often remembered them all. She couldn't match a name to a face, however…and the only name that really meant anything to her was his name…the name she desperately tried to forget many times…and failed, of course.
The figure beside her moved again and Gogo clamped her eyes shut. It was him. It had to be! Gogo's heart pumped faster. She had an urge to turn over and somehow dispose of the figure…but…if it was him…
Gogo could feel her heart thumping inside her chest. If it was indeed him…she didn't want to kill him…she wanted to see his face…
Caught in a silent wave of crushing emotions she could hardly understand, Gogo's emotions battled one another to make a decision. Emotions? At one time, she believed she had none. Until he had somehow appeared within her life. Even now, she was constantly trying to forget him, erase him from her life…
About eight months ago, she believed she had succeeded. And then he had reappeared…in her bed, and once again in her heart. A cold, dead heart that felt little other than a psychotic love of violence, but a heart never less. And her heart had betrayed her; it had started to feel something more when he stepped into her life.
He hadn't stayed long. The morning after was a swirl of emotions and time. And then he was gone again. Gone from her life for eight months. Enough time for Gogo to dedicate herself entirely to serving O-Ren. Enough time for Gogo to commit herself to training with the meteor hammer she so loved, and was so skilled at. Enough time for Gogo to spend countless nights at bars and clubs; drinking cheap alcohol and picking up unlucky guys whose lives were cut short the instant Gogo chose them as her nightly 'entertainment.'
He hadn't stayed long enough. Not for Gogo. Hit by emotions she had never felt before, she remembered as he left last time, she could hardly cope, nor figure out how she felt. For a girl who spent so much of her life erasing her feelings, Gogo found it immensely hard to cope once he had evoked something within her.
And now he was back.
By now, Gogo had woken a little more, and the muggy morning-after feeling was slowly starting to vanish. She had not drunk as much as she usually did last night, and the difference to Gogo seemed quite astonishing. She could actually press her hand to her forehead without her mind screaming with the pain of it. She realized now, that-sooner or later- she would have to face him. Slowly she turned, rearranging herself under the covers so no part of her nude form was revealed as she moved. She kept her eyes shut, half hoping it would not be him, half hoping it would…
She finished turning, took a deep breath (something Gogo rarely took, nor needed) and opened her eyes.
It was him.
And he was awake. He was watching her, his dark eyes staring into Gogo's. He had the shadow of a smile on his lips.
Gogo, despite having prepared herself for the sight of him, still gave a gasp and she rose suddenly. She found herself sat up; her hand clutching a sheet to cover her chest modestly. Something she would never have bothered with in front of any of the other guys.
But this was different…he was different…
"Ah, good morning!" he said, a smile playing upon his lips. He appeared to have found Gogo's sudden movement amusing, and his eyes were upon Gogo with a look of playful mischief. "Good night last night" he added, with a small wink to Gogo, who was too stunned to see him again to reply. The boy seemed not to care that she didn't answer, however. He instead pulled himself up and sat against the headboard of Gogo's bed, and raised a hand to run his fingers through his messy morning hair.
He hadn't changed, Gogo decided as she watched him. His hair appeared to have two lives; during the day, it was sleek and straight, angled perfectly around his attractive features. But in the morning-or rather-in a morning Gogo witnessed, his hair retained its straightness, but stuck out in all directions. Either way, Gogo thought it suited him. His hair was not a pure black like every other guy she slept with; it had streaks of a lighter colour; maybe even blonde? Either way, fair from looking tacky, it made his prominently stunning features look even more eye-catching. His skin was the same as well. Not a blemish or imperfection, just perfect ivory skin. His eyes were a deep brown-so dark they almost appeared black, and-like the rest of his features-prominently Japanese. The only difference was that, every time Gogo saw him, he seemed to appear even more strikingly good-looking than the last time…
Gogo's thoughts were interrupted by him.
"So…long time no see, eh?" he had a certain accent. Maybe one from living in Tokyo for too long. Or maybe it was his own…an accent unique to him. Gogo wouldn't be surprised. Such a person as him must have unique qualities…
Gogo dragged her eyes to meet his, and suddenly she was overcome with anger.
"What are you doing here, Ryuichi?!" her harsh voice would have struck fear to the heart of any other guy who had sat in Gogo's bed like Ryuichi was now. But Ryuichi was not like any of the other guys. He tilted his head and appeared to observe Gogo's sudden rage as fairly amusing.
"Well, the usual, y'know? Do I have to explain to a girl like you what happened last night?" Ryuichi gave a laugh that Gogo did not share. "Nahh, you're not one of those innocent girls…so don't try acting like it!" he smirked and reached to his left, where there was a small bedside table with a pack of cigarettes and a lighter lying on top. He picked the pack up, pulled out a cigarette and stuck it in his mouth. Gogo watched, her heart thumping. She was trying to control her anger best she could; something she would not usually bother doing.
"You know what I meant, Ryuichi!" Gogo spat "And you can't smoke in here!" And Gogo reached across, snatching the cigarette from Ryuichi's mouth just as he was about to light it. To Gogo's rage, this only seemed to amuse Ryuichi further. He started to laugh again, but made no attempt to regain his cigarette. Gogo waited a few moments for his laughter to fade. She then stood, leaving the sheets behind and strolled across the room, depositing the cigarette in the bin. It was only after she had dropped it did she realize she was completely naked, and she could feel Ryuichi's eyes upon her. She spun round and sure enough, he was watching. What surprised her was he was looking at her face.
"Damn girl, you know how to disappoint a guy…so much for having my morning cig!" a smirk played on Ryuichi's lips. Gogo suddenly felt very self conscious; an experience she was not at all used to. She couldn't even remember the last time she felt self conscious…had she ever? She didn't usually care about walking around naked in her room in the morning. If the guy she had slept with the night before-that's if, of course, he was still alive- was watching, Gogo didn't give a damn. So what if they saw her naked? They'd be dead soon, anyways.
But this felt different. Maybe it was because she had no intention of killing Ryuichi (although she probably should.) Ryuichi seemed to sense her sudden awareness of her naked form, and his eyes shifted away from her completely; perhaps the kindest thing Gogo had ever witnessed him do. She slithered back towards the bed and pulled the covers over herself again. She had never felt as hopeless and lost as she did right now. What had happened to her? The guy would be dead and gone by now, if it had been any other guy. But this was Ryuichi…and he was anything but ordinary…
As Gogo repositioned herself on the bed, Ryuichi turned back to her. "I guess last night was simply chance…I never thought I'd see you again, Aimi…"
Gogo's insides gave an unpleasant twist.
"Aimi?! How dare you!" Gogo cried, but yet again Ryuichi did not shudder.
"Yup, Aimi," he repeated calmly "why, you got a different name now?"
Gogo's face twisted into a look of anger.
"My name is Gogo Yubari! I have never heard of this Aimi!! Gogo turned to Ryuichi, and for lack of better words repeated "How dare you!"
"Hmmm….I was under the impression your name was Aimi Yubari, unless- of course- I'm getting you confused with someone else" Ryuichi's eyes told Gogo he didn't believe he had gotten it confused at all.
For once in her life, Gogo had no words to say.
"changed your name," Ryuichi finished coolly, reaching for another cigarette "which is a pity…Aimi was such a pretty name…for such a pretty girl" Ryuichi gave a wink and reached across to stroke Gogo's cheek. Gogo recalled from his touch as though he had come at her with a weapon. Ryuichi gave a small laugh.
"Scared of my touch? What happened to the fearless Aimi I once knew? Or maybe even this new girl…Gogo, do you call her? I've heard about Gogo, actually. I've heard she's quite a character. Hardly speaks, kills like crazy…complete psycho really"
This news didn't seem to affect Ryuichi at all. He gave a small wink to Gogo, who was sat paralyzed in her position by his words.
"I even heard that every guy who sleeps with her mysteriously disappears the day after…hmmm…better watch my back," Ryuichi seemed completely unconcerned as he reached for his lighter "still, I done it twice before and I'm still alive, so hey, third time lucky, eh?" he shot Gogo a smirk as he lit his cigarette. Gogo finally regained her voice.
"Yeah well, there's nothing special bout you! You wait! I'm gonna kill you too! And don't you ever call me that…that name again!"
"What, Aimi? What's wrong with that? It is your name, right?"
"Not anymore!" Gogo shrieked, Ryuichi was seriously testing her nerves. If any other had spoken to her like this, they would have been in eight parts by now…
"Well, at least you admit it was your name once," Ryuichi said with a sigh "such a pretty name…" he repeated, apparently to himself. Gogo had started to regain her voice.
"Well, I want you out of here right now!" she cried.
Ryuichi did not move.
"And why is that, Aimi?"
"Because…because!" Gogo spluttered to find a reason. What was wrong with her?! She never acted like this! "Because you should! You walked out of my life eight months ago, and I see no reason for you to re-enter it!"
"Is that so?" Ryuichi questioned calmly, taking a drag from his cigarette "I believe I have every reason to be in your life, Aimi"
"My name is not Aimi!" Gogo screamed "And I told you, no smoking!" Gogo thrust herself across the bed and attempted to snatch the cigarette from Ryuichi's lips. He, however, was too quick and ducked out of the way. Gogo landed right on top of him. She was surprised to find he was not as naked as she had believed him to be; he was wearing black boxers.
"No need to leap on me, despite how good I look, Aimi" Ryuichi said with another smirk and a wink. Gogo-her body pulsing with rage-knew she was getting nowhere, at least in this state. She stepped down from the bed angrily and approached her underwear drawer, pulling out a plain black bra and pants. She put them on quickly and turned back to Ryuichi. He was still smoking.
Gogo strolled to the bed, she raised her hand and there was a sudden smack. Ryuichi's face was turned from the impact of Gogo's slap, but when he turned to face her again, he looked neither angry nor hurt.
"Nice slap Aimi, you sure are a feisty one, eh?"
At this Gogo lost her temper. She gave a small scream before thrusting herself at Ryuichi again. This time, her attempt was more successful as she seized the cigarette. Half on top of him, Gogo grabbed Ryuichi's hand and yanked it towards her. Ryuichi suddenly gave a yell; Gogo had thrust the still-burning cigarette into the palm of his hand in order to extinguish it. Ryuichi rose and Gogo fell sideways, unable to balance herself. She was still clutching Ryuichi's burned hand and he followed her; they both hit the floor with a thud. Ryuichi was the first to recover. He towered over Gogo with a different expression of his face from those previously; he was angry now. The look on his face was so intense, for the first time in her life, Gogo was truly scared.
"You can be a right bitch at times, Aimi" Ryuichi said. Gogo said nothing. She simply watched him tower over her; her eyes wide and fearful. She could see where she had burnt his hand; it was as though she had smeared black coal around a deep cut which was sore and bleeding. Gogo felt a small twinge of an emotion within herself; regret? Pleasure? Even Gogo did not know at this point.
Nothing happened for about ten seconds, and then-without a word- Ryuichi turned and headed towards Gogo's bathroom. Gogo stayed where she was. She could hear the tap running. After about four minutes Ryuichi re-entered the room. His hand where Gogo had attacked him was now bandaged roughly with some cheap bandage Ryuichi must have found in Gogo's cupboard. Gogo did not move as he approached.
"You gonna get up?" Ryuichi asked her, and Gogo was surprised to find his tone of voice did not seem as angry as he had appeared to be a few moments ago. Gogo did not bother replying. She knew she must look pathetic, just lying there. Suddenly, she felt Ryuichi's hand upon her wrist, and he was pulling her up.
"Get off!" Gogo cried, but she had no strength to push him away. He yanked her upwards and suddenly she was upon the bed again. She suddenly felt incredibly drained. She swore, and Ryuichi gave a small chuckle. It was as though the incident a few moments ago had never happened. Gogo lay on the bed, breathing heavily as though she'd just run a marathon. She turned her face to the side and closed her eyes; wishing the world would fade away and leave her alone. Why had he come back? Why was he next to her now?
She felt him above her, but she clamped her eyes tighter; she had never felt so vulnerable in her entire life. She felt Ryuichi's lips upon her cheek, and then her neck. The very fact she could reach out with one hand and kill him was destroyed by the fact she had no wish to…for once…
Ryuichi's hands were in her hair now, and his lips upon hers. Gogo always remembered his kisses; they were so passionate, and had a bittersweet taste. His lips were surprisingly dry. Gogo kissed him back then realized what she was doing. In shock, she pulled away quickly, and her hands-likely due to habit- swung out and hit Ryuichi. He fell back against the bed again, this time a clear mark already on his face from the impact; it would most certainly grow to a bruise that would mark his perfect ivory skin for a while.
Gogo sat up, unsure what to say or do. Ryuichi-looking a little surprised- reached up to the side of his head and felt it, as if to confirm the damage. A few moments past, with both Gogo and Ryuichi silent; Gogo on the bed, Ryuichi sat away from her, his hand still upon the place she had struck him. Gogo had never felt such a strange atmosphere. Finally, Ryuichi shattered the silence.
It was such a simple word, but Gogo suddenly felt confused; what did he mean?
"Fine" Ryuichi repeated, and Gogo watched as he rose from the bed. He walked round the side of her and began to gather his clothes from where they had fallen the previous night. Gogo watched him; a sinking feeling in her stomach.
He was leaving. This was it.
Gogo watched silently as Ryuichi changed. He pulled on a pair of faded jeans and a cool white shirt. He combed his hair and it seemed to obey him; it straightened slightly over his attractive features. Gogo watched as he pulled on socks. His shoes were by the door. Ryuichi turned to Gogo's full-length mirror and observed himself. He was flawless, Gogo realized, except for the darkening bruise near his eye where Gogo had smacked him, and his bandaged hand.
If it was not for Gogo, he would have been flawless. Perfect.
And now he was leaving Gogo again.
Ryuichi turned to the door without even a backwards glance at Gogo. He reached the door and was about to pull on his shoes when Gogo stood.
"Wait!" she cried, and had this been a romance, Gogo would declare her love for Ryuichi and he would return it; and they would both live happily ever after.
But Gogo did not believe in happily ever after.
"You forgot your cigarettes" Gogo muttered, holding them out in her hands but not approaching Ryuichi.
"Keep them" Ryuichi replied impassively.
"I quit smoking"
Ryuichi glanced up suddenly at Gogo.
Ryuichi gave a small shrug.
"Even Aimi smoked at one point, I just didn't think you'd ever quit…well, keep 'em anyways…"
"What? Why?!" Gogo asked, frowning at Ryuichi with a look of scorn.
Ryuichi stared back, unfazed.
"You're gonna need something in your life…I guess smoking is a good way to pass the time…"
"Excuse me?" Gogo spat in surprise
Ryuichi leaned against the door.
"I'm going now, Aimi…and…looks like I ain't gonna be coming back…so don't wait up for me…I'm just saying…once I'm gone, you're gonna need something to give your life meaning, right?"
"I mean, at least before-deep down- you knew I'd be coming back to you, whether it be eight days or eight months...and I did, didn't I?"
Gogo swore again, her mouth getting fouler as she became more frustrated. Ryuichi ignored her words.
"Well, I'm not coming back…so you're gonna need the cigarettes I think…keep the lighter too, Aimi. Well, I'm off now…"
Gogo lost her temper and flung the cigarette packet across the room. Ryuichi dodged and it hit the wall and fell to the ground. There was another silence. Then Ryuichi asked something that Gogo believed would be his last concern right now.
"Do you know what day it is today?"
"I don't know or care!" Gogo replied angrily
"It's a Sunday" Ryuichi replied
"Why should I care?!" she spat back, and then she swore again
"It's November, Aimi…" Ryuichi trailed off, looking at Gogo expectantly, but Gogo had no time to shout at him for calling her Aimi again
"It's the 9th today…don't you remember?"
Gogo closed her eyes. A headache was clouding her mind. She felt nauseous and uncomfortable. Ryuichi was watching her. Suddenly it occurred to Gogo why Ryuichi was telling her this. Her stomach twisted and she turned from him and lowered her head.
"Happy birthday, Aimi…sorry I didn't get you a present"
Gogo had forgotten completely. It was her 18th birthday today…the 9th of November…
"I don't care about my birthday," Gogo muttered "I never celebrate it anyway…"
She turned back to Ryuichi in time to see him brushing his hair away from his face. Her mind felt miraculously clearer than it had been only moments ago.
"Fair enough, at least you got a 'happy birthday' though, right?"
Gogo did not reply. Why did Ryuichi talk like this? He was different from any other guy she'd known…slept with…killed…she's never met another like him, and she doubted she ever would.
"I don't need a 'happy birthday'…who cares? It's only another day" and she turned from him. Ryuichi understood. It was time for him to leave now, for real…
"Well, happy birthday again, Aimi. I hope you have a wonderfully meaningless life; screwing all the guys you want and killing them after…and don't forget drinking yourself to death…"
Ryuichi finished tugging on his shoes. Gogo turned back round but he had already opened the door.
She watched him leave.
There was a faint click as the door shut. He had gone. Again. And he wasn't coming back this time…
Gogo sat back down on her bed. She was still in her underwear, and her heart was thumping inside her chest. Time seemed to pass effortlessly, but Gogo was very aware that every second that passed, Ryuichi was one step further away from her; a step further out of her life.
Gogo closed her eyes, trying to ignore the strange feeling she had.
There would be other guys like him, right? There were so many guys in Tokyo; good-looking, athletic, charming…
But not Ryuichi.
Nobody could ever be Ryuichi, because he was so unique. Deep down she knew, she would never find one like him again. He'd slipped away, through her fingers again.
Why had she let him go? Why had she let this happen again? Was she that stupid…could she not learn from her mistakes?
She remembered then-suddenly- something that Ryuichi had said to her when they had encountered one another eight months ago. They had argued much like now, of course, and Gogo had said something about how she was a crazy bitch who he should be scared of, and he was an arrogant selfish playboy. But then he had said something; his reply had stuck within her mind since;
"Even though we are both little more than monsters of humanity…do you not think we can love? Can two fiends like us not find each other and be happy? Think about it!"
And this-to Gogo- had been something she could not forget. It seemed so poetic-especially for a guy who appeared to care as much for poetry as he did sexual chastity.
And now he was gone; only his words remained.
Gogo sprung up from her bed suddenly. She knew what she had to do. She sprinted across her room and pulled open the door. Her apartment was on the tenth floor of the building yet she had always taken the stairs; it was good exercise. And she wasn't going to stop now. She flung herself at the stairwell, her long black hair flying behind her and she bounded down the steps. She had never come down these stairs so quickly.
Gogo reached the ground floor and tugged open the final door which was the only separation between herself and the streets of Tokyo. Outside, Gogo finally realized her attempts were futile. Tokyo had been awake for hours (that is if you could ever say it slept) and the streets were crowded with people going about their everyday lives.
Ryuichi was nowhere to be seen.
She stood and stared out into Tokyo; the city was alive with life right in front of her; so why did it feel so dead?
Suddenly, she became aware that a few people passing were staring strangely at her. She was still wearing nothing but underwear. Not embarrassed at all, Gogo turned on her heel-ignoring the whispers around her- and re-entered her apartment building.
She started to re-climb the stairwell with an empty feeling. She was angry with herself; she should have known that Ryuichi would disappear. I mean, look at herself…she was a monster…Ryuichi deserved better than her…though he two was hardly a saint…
She reached the tenth floor and slowly walked to her apartment door. Her life felt beyond meaningless now; the feeling was ten times worse than when Ryuichi had left her last time.
She reached her door and could immediately see something was different. On the door- attached with a thumbtack- was a small, folded piece of paper. Gogo slowly reached out, unpinned it and read;
Even though we are both little more than monsters of humanity, did you not think I could fall for you? Two fiends like us have found one another, finally.
Slowly, Gogo unfolded the paper and read on. The inside had only one line;
Think about it
Gogo stared at the note for just under a minute. She did not move a muscle nor give any signal she had even understood Ryuichi's words.
After a minute had passed, Gogo refolded the note as though nothing had happened and re-entered her apartment. She placed the note on her bedside table and sat down on the bed again. She needed to shower.
Gogo stared at the note. It was like it was watching her, watching for a reaction. She stood and undressed; the shower was waiting for her. But as she entered the shower and let the warm water wash away the dirt, she encountered something she had never felt before. A sense of purpose in her life.
This is not to say that Gogo was enlightened, nor that she would start leading a good life. She would still drink and fight and kill and wake up next to a guy.
The only difference was that it would be Ryuichi.
After all, didn't two monsters; however cruel or sadistic they both may be- deserve some form of happiness, some purpose in their otherwise meaningless lives?
It was all possible now, for Ryuichi had left her one last gift on his note; her birthday present. One last way to show her he really did care, and he was planning to see her again.
He had left his phone number.
As I said before, this kind of story is very difficult to write; how can you give Gogo such deep emotions such as love? So I tried to convey that Gogo and Ryuichi share not quite a love as such-but a bond which ties them together. I don't know if Gogo can love, but if she could, she would share a love-hate relationship with Ryuichi. I tried to convey her confusion and frustration with her feelings for Ryuichi by showing her acting violently towards him, whether or not you agree that she would act this way is a personal choice :) Please leave reviews telling me what you thought! This is my first fanfic after about a year break from writing so please don't be too cruel with me! lol
Disclaimer: I do not own Kill Bill or Gogo...but I invented Ryuichi so I do own him! haha