A/N: For once, I have really nothing to say…
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"She's gone" he said, and his face cracked in different planes of sorrow.
I hit the wall. What else can I do? Nothing I could say would make him feel better, nothing I could do to bring her back. I had never see him suffering like he's suffering now and I'm at a loss as to how to help him deal. I have a vague idea of how he's feeling now but I'm sure losing Ruben doesn't even come close. Lindsay or Lucy, on the other hand…. I shudder. I can't even bear the idea of thinking about it… I don't have the words to express that kind of pain…
I remember the first time he told me something was going on between them, although he didn't actually say the words; the goofy grin on his face and the way his eyes couldn't stop following were proof enough. Confirmation by being greeted at his door by a barely-clad-in-my-buddy's-shirt was moot point; I knew he was a goner the day I saw him blush when she smiled at him as their paths crossed in the corridor.
They were perfect for each other. Unlike his previous, dubious, choices, he'd gone for personality instead of looks, not that Angell wasn't a looker, but she wasn't the blond tart we were used to see him bed and discard. She kept him on his toes, never letting him get away with any of his usual crap, matching his wit and sarcasm with her very own version of the same. She could out-drink him and outsmart him and he loved her all the more for it. She was his match, in every sense of the word. One couldn't help to notice that, had she made it, they'd have had matching scars…
I heard he went to see Sergeant Angell by himself. I knew he'd want her father to have her badge instead of keeping it. I heard the man acknowledged the importance Don had in his daughter's life, and I heard people could swear they could see Flack emotionally withdrawing from the old man. Some might say that was cold… I'd call it self-preservation.
He insisted on working or else he'd go mad. Neither Mac nor I thought it was that great of an idea, but what could we tell him? Even if Mac had ordered him back to the precinct, Flack wouldn't have followed orders. Better for us all if we kept him close at hand lest he get some crazy ideas…
Not that it help in the end. In between dodging bullets and firing to save my life I lost track of where he was. When I finally found him, when I saw him coming up those stairs… I knew. Just form the way he was walking, just from the way he looked at me straight in the eye as if wanting me to challenge him, just form the way he ever-so-casually mentioned that the perp was down there… I knew what he'd done.
I couldn't believe it. Not Flack. Me, absolutely, Mac, give him a good reason, but Flack? The man who had felt guilty for months over having killed an Irish mobster pointing a high caliber weapon his way? He'd never, EVER, shoot a man in cold blood, or let his feelings cloud his judgment… he's badge and honor above all.
And yet he did it.
I won't say a word. Not to him, and certainly not to IAB, who's going to be giving us grief over the whole shootout, no matter what. And I won't be the one betting on him losing any sleep over what he did, either. Don Flack's murdered a man and if he's fine with it, so am I.
But I can feel the changes starting. When we mentioned going for drinks in Angell's memory first he said he wasn't in the mood. Then he changed his mind, and told me that: a) he wasn't going to say a single word, and b) he was going to get smashed beyond his limit and mine combined, so I better make sure he'd get some place safe afterwards.
Perhaps it's just temporary, but a small part of me fears that we've seen the last of the law-abiding, honor-thy-traditions, straight-laced, responsible Don Flack. And I'm not sure I'll completely like this new who-gives-a-fuck side of him, either. Being with Angell had turned him into a happier man, losing her… I don't want to think about it… not yet.
She's gone, and I'm so sorry about that, but I'm afraid he's gone as well.
And that's a thought I can't bear just now…
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A/N: Not happy with how things played out.
But I like the fact the some of you remembered me when nomination time came for the
Fanfic awards. Thank you all so much!