Fred pulled the mystery machine up out in front of the huge scary haunted-looking house.
"Zoinks!" said Shaggy.
"Ruh-Ro!" said Scooby.
"Okay, gang, we gotta try to find some clues," Fred said. "Shaggy, you and Scooby go in the house and look for stuff. The girls and I will look around outside."
"Okay," said Shaggy, taking the dog and leaving.
Fred grinned at the girls, and they gave him evil smiles back. They knew what was about to happen.
"All right, whores!" Fred exclaimed. "Get in the back!"
Pretty soon, Fred and the girls were in the back of the van fucking. Velma was riding Fred, and Fred was eating at Daphne's Y. It was a pretty good time for everyone.
Suddenly, the door on the back of the van flew open! BUSTED!
"Hah!" screamed Shaggy. "I fucking knew it!" The girls started trying to cover up with blankets and get dressed. Fred was stunned.
"Oh, you didn't think I'd figure it out?" Shaggy continued. "Just because I'm a pothead? Well, it's not too hard to put two and two together when the only ones who ever find anything are me and the fucking dog!"
"Shaggy, it's not like that!" Fred exclaimed.
"Well, what is it like then?" Shaggy ranted. "You told me with two chicks, we were going to get a lot of action. In fact, you told me we could switch off! In fact, I figured I'd get it more than you, because look at that stupid little tie thing you wear! What are you, in the fucking navy? I just figured you were gay, Fred, and this was gonna be some kind of cover for you!"
"Shaggy, don't," said Velma, trying to touch his arm. Shaggy shook her had away.
"Don't touch me, bitch!" he cried. "Oh, another thing, Fred.....if you think you're the only one who's fucked them, think again! Remember, I'm the one with the drugs! Who do you think they come to running?"
Fred looked at the girls. "Is that true?" he asked. Both girls looked at each other, then back at Fred, and nodded. "Nice," Fred said.
"You know why else they like me?" Shaggy said. "Besides the drugs? And the fact that my dick is 10" long? I have a CAMARO! That's like a pussy magnet! Look at this stupid van! It's gay! I mean, it's a great shaggin' wagon, obviously, but it looks like Charles Manson painted the son of a bitch! I'm surprised it doesn't say 'DIE PIGS' on the side of it! Like you're a fucking hippy with your little gay ass tie!"
Shaggy turned to the girls, "My Camaro's parked over there behind those bushes if you guys wanna leave with me. There's a bunch of weed and acid in it, obviously." Both girls got out of the van, getting dressed, and headed for the Camaro.
"I want you to both sit in the passenger seat and make out," Shaggy said, slapping them on the asses. They giggled.
"Oh, another thing, Fred," Shaggy said. "The dog's been pissing in a corner in the back of the van. Just thought you'd wanna know. You're probably gonna have to tear that carpet out." He slammed the van door shut.
"I guess it's just you and me, Scoob!" Fred exclaimed to the dog.
"Ruh-Ro!" cried Scooby.