A/N: This is something I have been working on for quite awhile now. I just noticed how Chuck and Blair are the same and completely know each other and here it came. I divided it in sort of themes, if that makes any sense. The ending will make the most sense if you just watched the finale that just happened and hour ago! Which was AMAZIGN! I am SO glad that they're together and happy. Anyway... finally posting it, so I hope you like.
Summary: I told you praises in the dark, the ones that no one else could see, no one else could say. I wasn't what you wanted. I wasn't your knight in shining armor. I knew him. But he wasn't there. No, I wasn't what you wanted. I was what you needed.
Disclaimer: I obviously don't own Gossip Girl for I could never make such an amazing season finale.
No one knows you better. I see my life before my eyes. I don't see my entire life's events. I only see one thing. I only see you. I can see you because no one else can. I can see you because we're the same. I can see the things that you never dared show anyone else. No one knows you better. I know you the best.
No one knows that you saw me first. I don't believe in destiny or even love at first sight, but with you, I wanted to. You saw me. We had known each other because of our families, but we were never friends. You caught my eye after I publicly humiliated that girl. I caught your eye and for a split second I thought she was your friend. Then I saw your 6 year old face break into a smug grin. You came over and introduced youself. We had been destroying others ever since.
No one knows that Nate came later. He came later and I let him. You had been dating since you were 12. If you hadn't, your parents probably would have arranged it anyway. It was a dream come true. But I was still there. No one knows the things you did with me in the dark. No one knows the plots we schemed.
No one knows why you are the way you are. Everyone thought that you and Serena were best friends. I supposed you were, in that fake girl way you smiled at them but would stab them in the back. With the assistance of me. You didn't hurt Serena, though. You didn't hurt her although she kept hurting you. She couldn't help it. But she did. No one knows the toll that took on you. You felt small next to her. You were her opposite. She was light where you were dark. She was sunny where you held the moon. She was bubbly while you were distant. And you were better. You were beautiful while she pranced around, showing herself off. You were intelligent where she was oblivious. You were perfect. She just wasn't.
No one knows what that did to you. No one knows how I found out first. Serena is your best friend. She thinks she knows what's best for you. She thinks you confided in her alone. No one knows that I was there for you all along. She didn't know how she did that to you. Your mother saw her as the perfect child while you waited in the wings, wanting to be praised. I could relate all too well. You became insecure, with no fault to your own. You thought you were ugly while you were perfect. You thought you were overweight while you were shining. You thought no one loved you. I loved you all along.
I found you on the bathroom floor. Your eyes were streaked with mascara and your face was flushed. You didn't kick me out, try to show me up. Maybe you should have. Maybe we wouldn't be where we are now if you did. Maybe I wouldn't have fallen so hard and so fast. But maybe I don't care.
I picked you off of that cold tile floor. I led you to your bed because your own legs couldn't support you. I told you praises in the dark, the ones that no one else could see, no one else could say. I wasn't what you wanted. I wasn't your knight in shining armor. I knew him. But he wasn't there. No, I wasn't what you wanted. I was what you needed.
No one knows how to see beneath your mask like I can. They think you're a cold hearted bitch. You can, when you want to be. I know better. I know it's a defense mechanism. The same one I have. They can't see the flicker beneath your dark and shining eyes. They can't see the vulnerability. They can't see the care. They can't see the hurt. But I can. I see the coldness you put up to protect yourself.
No knows the small things you do when you're happy. I see the small smirk that plays across your expression. Yes, that one. The one that matches mine completely. I can see the light in your eyes when you rip those girls to shreds. I see that superior turn to your mouth, the way you hold your head up high. I see the way you ignore me. I see the way you pretend I don't know you completely.
No one knows how you used to have panic attacks. You were young and so was I. Your mother critiqued you and loved Serena more. You knew Nate had a thing for blondes but somehow between those sweet innocent years and the ones that occurred in trendy bars, you convinced yourself that he loved you.
You would cower behind the gate near Constance, trying to hide your weakness. I stood beside you the whole time, talking you into taking deeper breaths. Serena didn't know and Nate sure as hell didn't know. But you trusted me. The only one who ever did. You let me help you and maybe I fell a little bit in love with you then. You gave me the most attention I could ever need, even if I needed it from someone else.
No one knows your fear of blood. You could never stand the doctor's office. Even with just a prick of the finger, you pulled away. The nurses never really liked you much.
You were seventeen when the blood drive came to Constance. No one could know your weakness. No one knew but me. I was next to you the whole time but maybe you didn't notice because your eyes were screwed shut so tight. It made me reminescent of dark leather seats and tinted windows. I couldn't look away from you.
That's when you fainted. They drew the large needle from your arm and you just keeled over. I would have been at your side in an instant if I wasn't hooked up to one myself. I knew you were just unconscious. You would wake up. But as they wafted the smelling salts under your nose, my heart didn't return to normal until you opened your eyes.
No one knows the pain you silently endure. Every month you just get these splitting migraines. They hit you suddenly without warning. Serena never knows what to do, but I always have the medication at the ready.
At the gates of Constance, you press your fingers to your forehead as though it will soothe the pain. I wish I could travel back to when we were young and coach you through it like your panic attacks. But somehow, we're just not like that anymore.
So we find each other in the dead of night. You're sleeping over at Serena's house. My house. It hits you with sudden force that you're blinded.
It's daylight now. The sun blinds you and once again, Serena is at a loss. She goes to get water for you when you find yourself in my room. I draw the shades as you bury your face into my covers. I have the strongest painkillers and you don my expensive sunglasses to block out even the slightest of light.
Serena finds you there while I look on. She seems to understand to a degree, but not enough. She doesn't know what I know, which is you. Everything about you that no one can see.
No one knows how you like to watch infomercials late at night. I wake up to find you gone from my bed. I don't like that very much. It feels empty without you. Cold. But there you are. You have a thin sheet wrapped around you that amuses me that you're insecure even after all this time. The television is quiet and the colors are muted.
Even though you don't have acne, or would ever indulge in cooking, there is something about the normalcy of it that calms you. You are so distracted by the drama in your everyday life that you just love watching people rave about how their problems are magically solved even though its obviously a sham. You know that too.
No one knows that small smile that protrudes under your vindictiveness. No one sees it but me. No one knows how you and I speak our own language, how we say something, mean another, and completely follow each other without hesitation.
No one knows how I took care of you. I could never let such a perfect vision of beauty be ruined by expectations and inferiority complexes. I heard what they said about you and I maliciously destroyed them. I knew how Nate felt about Serena but I knew you better. I knew it would destroy you. So I protected you from it. I knew it would be better than the alternative.
I protected you until the very end. I protected you until the truth came out. But I still took care of you. I helped you take down the golden It Girl the only way we knew how. Most of all, I took care of you in the back of my limo. I took care of you until I realized that there was more to us than just the games. Then I took care of loving you.
No one knows what happened in that short time we had together. No one knows what happened when your best friend was gone, and my best friend was gone, and how we filled each other's voids.
Serena always knew about your bad habit. But she could never help like I could. Like I still do. She could never smooth back your unkempt hair and wipe away the smudged mascara from your face.
No one knows how you are everything to me.
Not even you.
So here I am, flowers, your macaroons, and stockings in hand, bearing my entire soul to you because it is all I know. And it's hard. It's so hard that I can't comprehend how you told me repeatedly.
It is a complete mystery to everyone, including me. All I know is you see something that no one else does.
So here I am, not caring what has progressed or deteriorated between us. I don't care because you are everything to me. I don't care because I'm not Chuck Bass without you. Because I love you. And I tell you. Repeatedly.
No one knows any of this about me.
But you will.
No one knows that you will kiss me back because I finally got it right.
No one knows.
No one knows, and no one knows you better.