I'm so sorry it's taken me forever!! I had vacation for Christmas, and my computer crashed! I got a new computer for Christmas though…! Thanks for staying with me!!! Sorry again!
I cried myself to sleep.
Why must I always be put into these types of situations?
"Bella, honey wake up." Someone lightly caressed my face.
My senses were flooded, by the scent of pine, and burning wood. Jared.
I opened my eyes tears gushing from them. "Oh, Jared it was awful. First it was Paul, and Embry walking in then Jacob was waiting for me. I just…don't know what to do."
"Shhhh… I know…I know…They have all phased since…" I shot up from my place in bed.
"And…How did Embry…react?" I whispered, slowly. Jared moved his head towards the window, staring diligently outside.
"Jared?" My heart raced, and throat closed with anticipation.
"Bella he left." Jared's head dropped with a sigh.
"What do you mean he left?" The knot closed off my oxygen, choking on every word.
"Embry from the moment he imprinted on you thought he would always be inferior to your long list of admirers. He doesn't feel he can compete with them, and I don't know if he has a fighting chance either." Jared's wondering eyes met mine, sadness surrounding his soft features.
My breath was knocked out of my chest, my grief constricting my heart from beating.
"Bella you are still resisting, even if you don't feel the pain of Edward's abandonment." Jared placed an encouraging hand on my shoulder.
I'm not resisting. I did have a moment where I was confused, but I've known all along Embry is what I want. I want Embry. I need him. Embry is my life now. I told Jacob not to resist, but I'm trying to resist.
"Jared…I… need to see him… to explain."
"Bella I don't know if you can find him, and even if you do I can't promise he will actually return."
He left me. He doesn't want me. Embry is just another Edward. I know I almost kissed Paul, but I was confused. Now not even my imprint wants me. I love him, but I'm broken. Embry is my life, without him my life is meaningless. I thought the pain and numbness was bad with Edward but the pain I feel now is devouring my life slowly, painfully away.
"Bella…Bella…" Jared's anxiety disappeared with the darkness taking over my body.
I continually woke to an empty dark room, alone just lying in bed staring at the ceiling. Time crept so slowly. I couldn't remember how long it'd been since I last talked to Jared. A week or a month I couldn't tell you.
The only thing I can think about is the irritating reverberation of the raindrops on the rooftop drip, drop, and drip. I don't want you. I quivered the lingering words from filling my head. I couldn't help but reminiscence my first loss plaguing my thoughts pushing me further into my profound gloomy depression. I pushed myself towards the edge of my bed sitting up. I walked over to the mirror, seeing the corpse standing before me. The girl with familiar lifeless brown eyes, breakable pale skin, and her dark circled eyes looked like she had been tormented from sleep deprivation. Death emitted from her lifeless body. I couldn't stomach to look at her any longer it was too memorable to a past I thought I'd forgotten.
I quietly walked into the small bathroom towards the shower, pulling the curtain back. I twisted the knob allowing hot water to pour out abundantly. I permitted the hot steam to fill the air, as I stripped off my clothes. The mirror showed the same comatose girl taking her hair down freeing her weak brown locks. I stepped into the cold porcelain tub turning the silver handle making it as hot as I could stand it, I could feel it splashing against my skin. I couldn't feel the heat I should be feeling. I can't feel anything. I don't want to feel anything. I collapsed. I pushed my knees up to my chest, biting my hand as I scream. The pain wasn't this deep before. I rested my head down on my knees, disappearing within my pain.
The water was shut off. I could hear voices, but couldn't distinguish who they were. My body was taken from the shower.
"Sam this is ridiculous. Embry and Bella can't stay away from each other it is killing them both."
"I know, Jared. Embry is just as stubborn as she is..."
I watched as my brother and best friend left me. They whimpered and howled with sorrow as they ran back towards my home, La Push. I let the vast darkness overwhelm my body.
"Bella, I'm so sorry." I heard whispering quietly. The loud creak of wood sounds as someone shifted their weight leaning through my window. I clinched my eyes tighter, breathing out loudly apprehensively. I opened my eyes as he moved across the floor. I opened my eyes, seeing someone I least expected.
"Paul?" I whispered, smiling manically at him.
Paul's eyes shifted around the room, worried he froze fleetingly. I can hear his heart hammering in his chest unevenly, like even his heart was confused. He shifted his stance and his fingers clenched on the sill to spring away, his eyes fixed on my perplexed face. He was torn.
He moved his body to spring from the window, his eyes averted from me to the ground below.
"Bella, I didn't mean to hurt you or Embry." Paul walked towards me on the bed sitting at the end.
"I meant what I said, but I shouldn't have said it, then. I'm sorry to put you through this. I will do anything to help you and Embry."Paul and I heard Charlie in the other room, his heavy breathing abruptly stopping and then the loud footsteps as he drug himself down the hall. Paul stood walking towards the window.
Paul threw himself out the window. I don't hear him hit the ground.
"Bella?" Charlie calls through the door, "Can I come in, Bella? Are you okay?"
"I'm fine…. I just fell out of bed."
"Is everything alright?" Charlie turns his head to look out the window. "I can stay until you fall asleep, if you want?"
"Um…No, Charlie. I'm fine, really. I just thought I saw something…" Charlie tensed, when I didn't call him dad. Charlie left murmuring goodnight. I felt bad to be so cold, but he lied to me. I will move on, and forgive him…I just can't now. I hear the howl of a wolf, low and resounding, the sound of an animal mourning the end of night. I lay in bed staring until sleep overcame me.
"How are you doing, Bells?" A soft voice asked, waking me from my sleep. I opened my eyes seeing Jacob sitting on my bed.
"I'm fine," I whispered.
Jacob sighed. "Did you need something?" I asked wondering why he was here.
"I was worried about you, Bells." I glance up at him at the same time that he did. We both looked away, awkwardly.
"Did you want me to leave?" He asked rather impatiently.
"No," I whispered looking around my room for a sign that last night wasn't a dream.
"How are you Jacob?" I asked quietly, but I knew he could hear just fine. Jacob drew in a deep breath and sat at the end of the bed.
"I'm ok, I guess. I took your advice and Leah well…she's amazing." Jacob's russet color skin deepened into a bright shade of red, looking away smiling radiantly just as I like to remember him before werewolves and vampires. I smiled, wishing Embry and I could be that happy right now.
"What Bella?!" Jacob asked worriedly.
"I just…wanted to know…how…" I glance up at him and held his gaze, so I could confidently ask. "I just wanted to know how Embry was doing." A huge weight lifted from my chest.
Jacob's brow furrowed. "He's okay. Looks about the same as you do." He glanced out the window, as his nostrils flared and glancing at me from the corner of his eye. "Paul was here…wasn't he?"
I nodded, remembering. I watched as his head absentmindedly dipped as if in defeat. Jacob turned to me again, sighing.
"Bells, I have to tell you…I'm sorry for putting you in this situation with your imprint. I didn't mean for anything to come between you and Embry. I will always love you Bells, but now I know I can't live without Leah."Jake placed a friendly hand on my leg, smiling genuinely. I nodded, tears welling in my eyes.
Jake stood from the bed moving toward the window. "I have to go someone wants to talk to you." Jake smiled jumping from the window, without a sound. The branches outside broke, and the breath hitched as someone was flying through my bedroom window. I closed my eyes praying the person standing before me would be Embry.
"Hi Bella." A quivering voice sounded. I wanted to open my eyes and stare at his beautiful face, to touch him. I clinched my eyes tighter, breathing out loudly apprehensively feeling warmth explode within my heart. I opened my eyes as he moved across the floor.
"Embry" I whispered, smiling peacefully at him.
Embry's eyes shifted around the room. I can hear his heart hammering in his chest unevenly, like even his heart was confused. I want to jump up and slam the window shut; lock him in here forever. He moved his body to spring from the window, his eyes averted from me to the ground below. I moved my body with his, shifting my weight to my left side as I try to lung after him, knowing he had decided to leave, again.
"No!" I yell, throwing my body over the edge of the bed. My legs struggle to hold up my weight; wobbling with the effort, then they sway at the knees and I collapse in a heap on the floor, my heart pounding blood through my stinging legs.
"Bella, I can't…Not yet… I want you to want me, and love me like I do you." Embry walked towards me helping me up from the floor placing me on the bed.
"I haven't left you. I just want to give you time to figure out if you really want me, and not the thought of me. I forgave you the moment you thought about kissing Paul. I need to know you are allowing me to have all of your heart, and not leftover pieces." Embry sat down beside my bed.
"Embry, I'm sorry. I don't need time. I'm not going to resist. I know what it's like without you. I can't handle it any longer." Embry smiled, moved towards me grasping my head pulling me towards him, and then Embry kissed me. His kiss was filled with all of his love, and passion. He filled it with his sadness and despair we had been sharing. The feelings he expressed through the kiss were overwhelming. Embry was undeniably in love with me. The kiss made me feel like I truly was his imprint and that the fact that I was ultimately rejecting him would leave him lost forever. He needed me, and I needed him. I felt his tongue pressing gently against my lips asking for entrance. I welcomed him gladly and brought my hands up to tangle in his silky hair. I was on fire for him and running out of breath at the same time. Embry seemed to sense that I needed air and broke our kiss.
"I love you Bella…always have."