My A/N is at the bottom of the page

Im so sorry this has taken so friggin long...


The next few hours that followed were filled with me pretty much pacing, sitting, pacing some more, and writing constructive lists about how I could help Edward…I cant help it if I'm shockingly organized and methodical in my approach to all things Edward. I did this with many things, i don't know why, I guess when things freaked me out or in the case of Edward, changed my whole world in the space of a few days, I took on a bit of a Monica role and became a little obsessive compulsive. My personal brand of OCD included writing down lists for things i needed to organise and then another list to organise my origninal lists. Hello crazy MoniBella!

After talking to him for a few hours earlier I realised exactly how fucked up everything was for him, he seriously had no idea how to just accept that he had messed up things and be happy with himself. God he was carrying so much guilt around about the whole Kate thing. I didn't like to admit that I was sorely tempted to go out onto the streets of LA and try to find them both and just…Gah I don't even know what. I would probably get so worked up that by the time I got to them I couldn't be bothered to say anything.

That or I'd ended up killing her...

Either way worked well for me.

But I guess Edward wouldn't be too impressed with that scenario, hence the list writing and contestant pacing. Whilst I was whizzing about like a tornado he still slept on our bed, although it was anything but soundly, he was constantly tossing and turning and groaning, like he was in pain. Hearing those noises coming from him broke my heart but I had to get myself used to the fact that this is what it was going to be like for the next few days here.

He wasn't going to be my Edward, he was going to be Edward desperate for his next fix, and judging by the amount he took the night before it wasn't going to be pretty.

Again a list on how to control myself when all this occurred.

After everything that he had said to me…to be honest I was glad he was asleep, it gave me time to think things through and decide things. So to be clear my boyfriend was a womanizing coke user who apparently killed his girlfriend.

Not really the best way to describe him to my dad…

Sitting there listening to him say all of these things to me…all the things he did, it made my head hurt and my stomach churn all at once. Fuck all I could hear over and over in my head were Kate's words "Edward is poison. He will destroy that pretty little head of yours if you let him" I didn't want to believe her but the words wouldn't go away. He wouldn't do that to me, he wouldn't treat me that way..

But he treated her that way after saying how much he loved her my inner voice chided, but then again she was the stupid idiot that agreed to do Coke when he asked her, me I'm not so stupid. If I learnt anything from my mother, it was how much drugs could destroy people, I had seen some of the people she worked with at the hospital and it wasn't a pretty sight, that alone made me want to stop taking even asprin. Just as I tried to clear her words they just kept coming up "He used to prefer blondes, and red heads and sometimes blondes and redheads at the same time, there was always so much of him to go around you know, he always had an appetite for fun stuff" That one sentence had the capability of making me almost throw up, I felt sick just thinking about it and god I just couldn't get those images out of my head if I tired…and believe me I did.
Would Edward be like that with me? Did he really care or would he just fuck off when another girl came along…another blonde or redhead. I honestly didn't know if I could handle that. The mere through of him with another woman now was enough to send me into a fit of jealous rage. Was Edward still like that now, did he still have a flair for the orgies, I mean it had only been a few months since that was his life, how much could one person change in a few short months. But then again that could be something that he only did when he was high or maybe it was something that James spurred on.

Fuck! Why could I not get this metal image out of my head.

The look on his face when I said that I didn't want to be…physical with him and he mistook it to mean me leaving him, God it near enough broke my heart. I couldn't do that I couldn't leave him, not when he needed me the most. I had to help him as much as I could. I stood up and stretched feeling all my bones click as I did. I had to do something I couldn't just sit here, I had to get up and help, I had to do something, anything. I quickly pulled on my high tops and Edwards hoodie once again, I grabbed my notebook and I wrote a quick note in case he woke up telling him I hadn't gone far and quietly slipped out of our room.

I walked down the hallway and into the lobby of the hotel looking round anxiously as I went. The sun was blinding through the windows of the hotel and the happy fucking chatty people around me were smiling and getting on with their own damn lives, they didn't have a care in the world, fuck I didn't even know what time it was.

"Hey can I help you with anything?" The over enthusiastic blonde said behind the counter, one any other day I wouldn't have found her so….no that's I lie I still would have found her annoying as hell.

"Hi I was wondering if maybe you had any computers to use In here at all?" I asked looking round.

"Um we have a computer room over there" she said pointing to a small glass room.

"You pay here and I give you a ticket with a pass code, once you type that I you have a full hour before it kicks you off" she said smiling and nodding.

"Wow, well isn't that the darndest thing, ill take two hours then please miss" I said giving her a sarcastic grin, I was in no mood for peppiness today at all. She huffed at me and began muttering to herself as she took my money and gave me to slips of paper.

"I think you are a very rude lady" she said huffing.

"No you know what I'm not a nice lady, after all the shit I've been through recently it was take a miracle for me to come out the other end being a nice fucking lady so excuse me for being a bit of a bitch, but I really don't care if you or anyone else for that matter thinks I'm rude okay, bye" I spat before storming off.

I was still muttering profanities to myself as I got to the computer room, and still when I was waiting for the computer to load up. It was only after five minutes of sitting staring at he computer screen that I actually calmed down enough to do what I came out here to do. I typed on the code and watched at the little timer in the right hand corner of the screen began counting down from sixty. Wasting no time I quickly went onto Google and typed in my question 'Cocaine Withdrawal Symptoms' After waiting all of 5 seconds for 2,300,000 pages to come up I went with one of the first, feeling my stomach drop as I began reading.

When the drug is discontinued immediately, the user will experience what has come to be known as a "crash" along with a number of other cocaine withdrawal symptoms, including paranoia, depression, exhaustion, anxiety, itching, mood swings, irritability, insomnia an intense craving for more cocaine, and in some cases nausea and vomiting

I felt the butterflies making an appearance my stomach again as I read everything laid out before me, I knew it coming and I knew it wasn't going to be all plain sailing as easy but seeing the words in front of me telling me how he was going to react scared me more than anything.I could do this I could be here for him, I could help him, I knew he would do the same for me. I scanned another few pages writing down different thing and any ways the I could help him before I turned my attention to Facebook. God it had been so long since I had been on this soul sucking website I had almost forgotten about it…almost.

I quickly typed in my password and email address before it loaded up my page, scanning through the pages I couldn't help but snort back my giggles as I read some of my old friends statuses.

Emily Wolfe's head is about to explode if Sam Uley keeps going on and freaking on about how he has a man crush on Tom Hardy.

'Well he is a rather tasty guy…I can see where Sam is coming from' I replied without even thinking. Almost instantly there was a small message box appear in the corner of my screen, I glanced at it to see my name in capital letters followed by several exclamation points.

'Yes Em' I typed.

'Bella where the effing hell are you? I smiled at her over enthusiasm for my whereabouts, Emily really was pretty much the only person I kinda missed, aside from Seth.

'Em call me please it will be much easier' I typed. Not five seconds later Gwyneth Paltrow singing 'Forget you' Began playing at my side. Taking a deep breath I answered my phone .

"Hello Em" I said quietly.

"Bella where are you I've been to your house like ten times and your mom said you weren't feeling yourself and to not call you" she said sounding desperate. I felt my blood boil at what she said, my fucking mother was going to destroy everything for me.

"She said that?" I asked.

"Yeah, now where are you, I come to see you in the hospital and then next thing I know Jake is fucking some girl named Leah and you have done a vanishing act" she sighed.

"Leah" I mumbled bitterly.

"I'm sorry Bella, I really am. You know as well as I do that he was a dick, want me to kick him in the nuts?" she asked.

"Not necessary" I laughed "I'm in LA" I added quickly.

"What the hell are you doing there? When did this happen, Bella I'm so confused" she sighed down the phone and I couldn't help but let out a little giggle. Talking to Emily made me realise how much I missed her.

"I met a boy" I replied, only it came out sounding more like a question.

"Bella! Details please and I mean all details" she said in a warning tone. I sighed rubbing my temple.

"Em, some shit went down with my mom and I just needed to get away for a while. I just got in the car and drove, I was headed to see my dad in Washington and my car broke down, and this fucking amazing guy stopped to pick me up and we decided to just go travelling around for a while before I go and see my dad" I said giving her the shortened version.

"Say no more Bella" God it was times like this that I adored Emily "Although I miss the shit outta you, I was beginning to think your mom had you chained up in the basement or something" she giggled.

"I wouldn't put it past her" I laughed.

"How's Seth?" I asked.

"Nursing a broken finger" she sighed, I could almost hear her rolling her eyes.

"Why?" I asked chocking back a laugh.

"He may have punched Jake, but the stupid bastard had a face made outta rock and he broke some part of his thumb" she said sounding annoyed.

"Tell him I'm very thankful for him doing that and I hope his thumb feels better"

"Hey what did you say the name of your fucking amazing guy was" she said laughing.

"Edward Cullen, why?" I asked.

"Wow" she said giggling down the phone "He really is a hottie"

"And you know this how?" I asked.

"Through the power of Facebook sweetie" she laughed, as soon as the words were spoken I automatically turned my attention back to the computer…Yes forty five minutes! I quickly typed in Edward Cullen and was surprised to see his name pop up first. I quickly clicked on the picture, my heart hammering in my chest the whole time. When his page finally loaded my breath caught in my throat at the picture of him, it looked like it was done professionally, black and white, him wearing a while shirt running his hands through his messy hair as usual with the most beautiful smile on his face.

"I can see why you jumped at the chance for him to save you" I vaguely heard.

"Hmm" I repliedI looked over the rest of his page, standard stuff really, it still said he was living in LA, it listed his family, but said he was single. That wasn't the thing that got me though, his last status update was from several days ago when we were in Vegas.

Edward Cullen Has finally found the reason to smile again.

My heart leapt in my throat at those words and I felt lighter than I had in days, I loved him, I really did love him, I was in love with Edward Cullen and for some reason it didn't scare the shit out of me anymore.

"Bella…Bella listen to me damnit!"

"What? I asked exasperated

"I've been calling your name for five minutes, is this what you're like when you're around him, no communication because you are too busy looking starry eyed at him"

"Yeah something like that" I laughed "Listen Leah I have to go now, I really miss you and Seth though" I muttered.

"Don't be a stranger, call once in a while, especially if you're going to see Charlie, let me know what's happening please. We miss you too"

"I will I promise, Love you lots Em" I muttered.

"Love you too B, Bye" she replied before hanging up the phone.

I glanced at Edwards Facebook page for a few more minutes before clicking on my homepage, it was only then I noticed my friend requests, I furrowed my brow and clicked on it, I never get friend requestsI couldn't help the smile from forming on my face when I read the request I had,

Alice Cullen would like to be your friend

Emmett Cullen would like to be your friend

Edward Cullen would like to be your friend

Biting my lip to stop my smile I quickly accepted all of them and ended my session on the computer. I grabbed my notepad and made my way back to my room. After speaking to Emily, my spirits had been lifted somewhat and I was ready to face anything that the days ahead threw at me.

So yeah...Been a while huh?

I would like to dedicate this chapter to my old laptop that died a quick death just before Christmas...Blue screen of death gets them all i guess...which is why it took me so bloody long to get this one up! Thank you for all the lovely reviews i have been getting form ya'll. Its ace to know you guys are still with me!


I have a shiny new laptop which is ready to go so hopefully we wont have any hiccups like that again.

I know this chapter was somewhat shorter than the others but we needed to see Bella smile a little, and i totally agree with Sam & Bella...Tom Hardy is extremely Tasty, anyone agree?

I promise it wont take me as long to get the next chapter up!