[[Holly: Yes, I've pretty much given up on all my other fics for now to write freaking Owner's Guides. xD Oh, and by the way, the first guide has been updated slightly to reflect some things I wrote in this one…
Near: Why can't you write them for US?
Holly: There are plenty of them out there for you already, silly.
Matt: Or she just hates us.
You are now the owner of your own fully-automated YOSHIYA "JOSHUA" KIRYU unit. To learn the uses, modes and upgrades of your ambiguously gay semi-god, please read the following manual carefully. We are not responsible for any injuries resulting from not reading these instructions.
Name: Yoshiya "Joshua" Kiryu. The unit will henceforth be called the JOSHUA unit, as that is what he generally prefers to be called. Nicknames include Josh, Petit Prince, Pretty Boy, Prissy Kid, Pink, and Rainbow. Your JOSHUA unit will generally put up with whatever you decide to call him. Be warned, however, that like our other units, your JOSHUA unit can sense fangirls. We are not responsible for any Jesus Beam related injuries resulting from being an overzealous fangirl and calling your JOSHUA unit "Joshie-chan".
Date of Manufacture: JOSHUA 1.0 and 1.5 appear to have been manufactured some time in 1992, but 2.0 was clearly manufactured much earlier. Exact time of manufacture is unknown.
Place of Manufacture: Shibuya, Japan.
Weight: Quite skinny.
Sets: SPECIAL SET™ (JOSHUA, SANAE, MEGUMI)
CLOTHING AND ACCESSORIES INCLUDED
Three (3) button down gray-blue short sleeve shirts (size XS)
Three (3) pairs of blue-black skinny jeans
One (1) pair of simple white sneakers
One (1) bright orange cell phone (do not take away from your JOSHUA unit, ever)
One (1) bottle of vanilla-scented shampoo (your JOSHUA unit is very protective of his hair)
Your JOSHUA unit should be all too eager to leave his box, and you should not have trouble getting him out. If, for whatever reason, he refuses to exit, simply tell him that you have a NEKU unit outside. He should exit immediately, at which point you can clonk him on the head and throw the box away. Congratulations- he's now yours.
Your JOSHUA unit comes with several important functions, several of which cannot be performed until your JOSHUA unit has been upgraded. These are his suggested functions, though your JOSHUA unit is quite flexible (not like that, you pervert) and will most likely be more than happy to do most anything.
Player: This is a JOSHUA 1.0 unit's default function. Though your JOSHUA unit is not truly a Player, he will still act like one. Like the other units in our PLAYER SET™ (NEKU, SHIKI, BEAT, RHYME, special edition units NAO and SOTA), he will run around attacking the air. Also like the other PLAYER SET™ units, your JOSHUA unit requires a partner to execute this function. JOSHUA units generally require a NEKU unit as a partner, though it is possible that another unit may suffice. However, unlike other PLAYER SET™ units, your JOSHUA unit will not perish if he does not have a partner while on Player function. Buying a NEKU unit will make your JOSHUA unit happier, but it is not necessary for the health of the JOSHUA unit. However, purchasing a NEKU unit is required to upgrade your JOSHUA unit.
Composer: This is a JOSHUA 1.5 and 2.0 unit's default function. Your JOSHUA unit will stop attacking random objects and will instead stay somewhat sedentary, though he will keep track of units from the PLAYER SET™ and the REAPER SET™. He is more powerful than all other units with the exception of the SANAE unit. Though the applicability of this function is debatable, your JOSHUA 1.5 and JOSHUA 2.0 units will fulfill this function about all others.
Tracker: Need to keep track of a MEGUMI unit? Your JOSHUA unit's cell phone, after receiving an upgrade from a SANAE unit, is more than capable of keeping track of what the slimy Conductor unit does. Simply ask your JOSHUA to use his phone's tracking device- he will be more than happy to oblige.
Time Traveler: Though your JOSHUA unit cannot actually travel in time (as far as we know), his cell phone, after another upgrade from a SANAE unit, can take a picture of something from any time. Need to know who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? Have Joshua take a picture of said cookie jar and find out.
Boy Toy: Consider this a highly OOC function. We have never successfully unlocked it, and we have a feeling you may be better off not trying. Whether your JOSHUA unit has a preference for women or men is entirely unknown. If anyone successfully unlocks this function, please contact us and let us know what gender you are, as this information is highly sought after.
Your JOSHUA unit comes with six (6) different modes. These include:
Serious (lv. 1 lock)
Protective (lv. 3 lock) (special)
TIN PIN SLAMMER! (lv 10 lock)
Though Snobbish is your JOSHUA unit's default mode, when interacting with a NEKU unit his Teasing mode will be the most prominent function. In fact, JOSHUA units, unlike other units, does not use his default mode all that often. Flirtatious mode and Teasing mode manifest themselves very similarly in a JOSHUA unit, particularly when interacting with a NEKU unit.
In Snobbish mode, your JOSHUA unit will generally act mysterious and condescending. Even in Snobbish mode, he will still basically be a nice guy, and should not give you any troubles. If he believes he can get under your skin fairly easily, he will switch to Teasing mode, where he will mock you relentlessly and try his best to irritate you. If you are male and have activated your JOSHUA unit's Teasing mode, he may occasionally activate Flirtatious mode in order to embarrass you further. Your JOSHUA unit may also use the Flirtatious mode seriously, though this is identical to the teasing version and it difficult to distinguish.
The Serious mode of your JOSHUA unit comes locked because your JOSHUA unit generally doesn't let things bother him and maintains a carefree attitude. However, under great duress, the Serious mode may be unlocked. Look for a marked decrease in people wanting to repeatedly stab your JOSHUA unit in the face as a sign that this mode has been unlocked.
The Protective mode is a special mode. It appears to manifest itself when a NEKU unit is in great danger, as the JOSHUA unit will protect him. However, the JOSHUA unit does not truly sacrifice himself for the NEKU unit, as the NEKU unit will believe. As far as we know, this is the only time this mode will arise. Unlocking Protective mode is also the key to upgrading your JOSHUA unit.
The TIN PIN SLAMMER! mode is still a mystery to us, and that is probably a good thing. If your JOSHUA unit starts trying to get you to call him Pink or Rainbow, there is a good chance this mode has been activated. You may be best off knocking him out and returning him, unless you happen to really, REALLY like Tin Pin. We will refund your purchase price or send you a new JOSHUA unit.
Unlike our other units, your JOSHUA unit has two upgrades that can be purchased or developed. JOSHUA 1.5 will cost an extra 100,000 yen along with your JOSHUA unit's purchase price, and a JOSHUA 2.0 unit will cost an extra 50000 in addition to the JOSHUA 1.5 unit price. The pre-upgraded units will run quite differently from the manually upgraded units, and generally require interaction only with the SANAE and MEGUMI units on a regular basis. Alternatively, it is quite possible to upgrade your JOSHUA 1.0 unit on your own. The details are as follows:
JOSHUA 1.5: A JOSHUA 1.0 unit will become a JOSHUA 1.5 unit after he has activated his Protective mode and 'sacrificed himself' for a NEKU unit. The JOSHUA unit will disappear for a short time- about a week- and will come back upgraded. JOSHUA 1.5 looks exactly like a JOSHUA 1.0 unit, but is much more powerful, and will fulfill the Composer function instead of the Player function. We are not responsible for any injuries caused by a JOSHUA 1.5 unit's frequent Jesus Beams. As a warning, you may be best off separating your JOSHUA 1.5 unit from any nearby NEKU units, as this encounter will upset the NEKU unit greatly.
JOSHUA 2.0: A JOSHUA 1.5 unit will become a JOSHUA 2.0 unit after a nearby NEKU unit has unlocked its Happy mode and has completed his Player function. In this upgrade, the JOSHUA unit's appearance will change, making him look much older. He will again be much more powerful, but will continue to perform the Composer function. It is unknown if PLAYER SET™ units will recognize a JOSHUA 2.0 unit as the JOSHUA unit, and how they will react. As far as we know, after a JOSHUA unit upgrades twice, it can no longer interact with any PLAYER SET™ units.
REACTIONS TO OTHER UNITS
Despite his teasing, your JOSHUA unit is not cruel and is likely to get along with most other units. All PLAYER SET™ units' reactions to JOSHUA 2.0 are unknown. Specific reactions are as follows:
NEKU SAKURABA: The NEKU unit is the most important for your JOSHUA unit's happiness and especially for his upgrades. JOSHUA will generally be on permanent Teasing mode around a NEKU unit, possibly with lapses into Flirtatious mode (whether serious or not, the world will never know). After about a week- this is assuming that both units are utilizing their Player function- your JOSHUA unit will activate his Protective mode and will disappear, leaving the NEKU unit distraught. When a NEKU unit and a JOSHUA 1.5 unit, the NEKU unit will react in betrayal, though the JOSHUA unit will remain Teasing towards him throughout.
SHIKI MISAKI, DAISUKENOJO "BEAT" BITO, RAIMU "RHYME" BITO: None of the members of the PLAYER SET™ outside of the NEKU unit have much interaction with the JOSHUA unit. After the Player function of these units is complete, it is theoretically impossible for the JOSHUA unit to interact with them. The JOSHUA 1.0 unit would theoretically activate either Snobbish or Teasing mode around them, as he does with most other units.
YODAI HIGASHIZAWA, MITSUKI KONISHI, UZUKI YASHIRO, KOKI KARIYA: These units are all underlings of your JOSHUA unit. They will not recognize him as their boss when he is performing his Player function, and will attack them as they would anyone else in the PLAYER SET™. However, after he upgrades to JOSHUA 2.0, these units will follow his orders above all others, though they will usually have no direct contact with him.
MEGUMI KITANIJl: This unit is your JOSHUA unit's direct underling, and your pre-upgraded JOSHUA 1.5 or 2.0 unit will generally relay orders as Producer to him. However, while performing the Player function, the MEGUMI unit will recognize the JOSHUA unit as the Composer. When a manually upgraded JOSHUA 1.5 unit and a MEGUMI unit interact, the MEGUMI unit will be killed. If you wish to prevent this, keep the two units apart. However, doing this means that your other PLAYER SET™ units cannot complete their function, and your JOSHUA unit cannot upgrade to 2.0, unless you wish to purchase the upgrade.
SHO MINAMIMOTO: Unlike the other units in the REAPER SET™, the MINAMIMOTO unit does not respect the JOSHUA unit, and wishes to replace him as Composer. A JOSHUA 1.0 unit requires a NEKU unit as a partner to defeat a MINAMIMOTO unit, though this will not kill him. A JOSHUA 1.5 unit can kill a MINAMIMOTO unit outright, and this is necessary to upgrade your JOSHUA unit to a 2.0.
SANAE HANEKOMA: As the SANAE unit is the only Angel unit currently in production, he is also the only unit above the JOSHUA unit in station. Your SANAE and JOSHUA units get along very well, and interaction with a SANAE unit is the only way for your JOSHUA unit to upgrade his cell phone, and to allow your JOSHUA unit to use his Time Traveler and Tracker functions.
Do not attempt to clean your JOSHUA unit- trust us, he will keep himself pretty much immaculate. You will need to supply him with new bottles of vanilla-scented shampoo when the one he has shipped with runs out. We are not responsible for any injuries caused by trying to hand clean a JOSHUA unit.
Your JOSHUA unit, being in the guise of a teenage boy, will eat three meals a day, though it is unknown whether it is actually necessary for him to eat. His favorite foods include chili dogs, shio ramen, and mushrooms, but he will eat pretty much anything you put in front of him.
Q: My JOSHUA 1.0 unit has started floating an awful lot recently. How does he do that? Is it normal?
A: Yes, at some point your JOSHUA 1.0 unit will begin floating. This means he is one step closer to upgrading, so- good for you! On the other hand, this also means your JOSHUA unit has learned how to use Jesus Beams, so it is recommended that you avoid making him angry. (All JOSHUA 1.5 and JOSHUA 2.0 pre-upgraded units will already float when you receive them.) Don't ask us how he floats, we don't know. He's just kind of a big deal.
Q: My JOSHUA unit makes…strange sounds when I give him a chili dog. It's…kind of disturbing. What's going on?
A: All JOSHUA units respond that way to their favorite foods. It's perfectly normal, if slightly creepy. If it bothers you, don't give him his favorite foods.
Q: My JOSHUA unit fought a MINAMIMOTO unit and was defeated! What gives?!
A: All JOSHUA 1.5 and 2.0 units are capable of defeating a MINAMIMOTO unit on their own, but the JOSHUA 1.0 unit requires a NEKU unit as a partner to defeat him. You will have to buy a new JOSHUA unit if you wish to try again.
Q: Is my JOSHUA unit gay?
A: We have no idea, honestly, and he's not telling.
Q: I am having problems with his cellphone. He has recently gotten into a photo fetish. We allowed this for a while, until he began taking pictures of us. When he does this, he will say "Smile!" or something of the like, and those taken pictures of have these inexplicable moments of blankness, normally waking up to realize that the JOSHUA Unit has escaped. While I have been able to retrieve my JOSHUA unit with our SANAE and/or NEKU Units, it is still rather cumbersome to have to deal with this sort of behavior. We did not wish to invoke his wrath by taking away his cellphone. Is there anything you might suggest? ~from KatanaSisters
A: First of all, try talking to your JOSHUA unit. Since he is the Composer, your JOSHUA unit will generally think he's above others and can do what he wants to. Though talking to him is unlikely to stop it, if your JOSHUA unit likes you, he may be convinced to stop. A more direct approach would be to speak to your resident SANAE unit. He is, after all, responsible for upgrading your JOSHUA unit's cell phone, and if your JOSHUA unit requested a sleep-gas camera option, your SANAE unit likely would have obliged. If your SANAE unit admits to having done this, ask him to take the JOSHUA unit's phone and deprogram the function. The SANAE unit is the JOSHUA unit's only superior, and the JOSHUA unit will generally listen to him.
Q: My JOSHUA unit just shot my NEKU unit! Is that supposed to happen? ~from Silvaria
A: Though this doesn't happen very often- as most NEKU units are shipped with their Player function already active- it is normal for a JOSHUA unit to shoot a NEKU unit BEFORE the mode is activated, and it will activate the Player function. If your NEKU unit is already using its Player function, your JOSHUA unit may be malfunctioning. The exception is if the Player function is nearly complete, it is possible that your JOSHUA unit may shoot your NEKU unit, though this is unconfirmed. If he does, don't worry: Your NEKU unit will be fine, with Happy mode active.
Your JOSHUA unit has a money-back guarantee lasting for five years, unless you clearly go against the guidelines detailed here, in which case we are not obliged to accept a return. We are unsure of how long a JOSHUA unit is likely to live, as he will likely live longer than our PLAYER SET™ and REAPER SET™ units. It is recommended you keep your JOSHUA unit away from large groups of rabid yaoi fangirls, as this would decrease your JOSHUA unit's life expectancy exponentially.
Holly: Done again! If you have any questions for the FAQ, just send a review with them!