Just For Laughs by Ronnie K.
There's been a lot of dissatisfaction about the comic book writing lately and I thought I'd inject a little humor. This is just a quickie, if you will. Purely for enjoyment. (I don't care about editing on this one). I think it's funny, but then I have a strange sense of humor.
An incensed Wonder Womand dragged a confused Superman into the nearest conference room on the Satellite and slammed the door behind them.
"They're writing us all wrong, Kal."
"What are you talking about, Diana? What's wrong with the writing."
"Well, you don't have much to complain about. What are you up to? Three titles? Four? I'm struggling to keep one afloat here. It's been
restarted three times! I have compelling story lines---most of the time. Don't I?"
"You aren't making any sense. What's wrong with you?"
"Aren't you listening? I can't seem to gain any market traction and I don't understand it."
The Man of Steel thought about if for a moment. "You want the truth?"
"Yes, of course."
"Think about the market for our product."
"Well, I don't know how to put this, but our markets are geared towards adolescent male readers, so...They're more interested in girls who are naughty and wear skimpy costumes."
"Kal, look at me! I'm in a bikini and knee-high boots with two inch heels, for Hera's sake! It's bad enough I have to look like this, but I don't care who's writing, I will not act like a whore!"
"And they aren't into the greek stuff either", he mumbled.
"I heard that! Those are my roots! You know that. What am I supposed to do, change my whole history?"
"There's always another retcon."
"No, not ever again. Absolutely not."
"Be reasonable, Diana. Originally you were the League secretary for heaven's sake. A retcon changed that. Wasn't that an improvement?"
"Well, yes, that was fine, if not a bit late in coming. Secretary! Those sexist bast---"
Kal interrupted before she went off again. "Haven't you read some of the fan-fics out there? Those are pretty good."
"Yes, and most of them are written the way the paid writers should write! Well, except for a few. That one called something-or-other "In the Dark"---
Kal reddened at that one. "Interlude in the Dark. Well, it was a bit risque, but---"
"Risque? That was pornography. I will not be portrayed like some sex-starved nymphomaniac. If I ever find that writer, it'll make what I did to Max Lord seem pleasant."
"Diana!" He shook his head as if to clear it. He tried again.
"Perhaps they need to write in a love interest for you?"
"They've started doing that. Nemesis, for Aphrodite's sake. I hardly know him and they're already writing that I'm practically in love with him. What does it take to get a little respect around here?"
"And don't get me started on people trying to hook me up with Bruce. He's a good friend and all, but why pair me up with a non-powered borderline psychopath? And that's just the personality part. On the physical side, one uncontrolled contraction and he's Bat-Eunich with the sweetest alto in Gotham."
At this, Kal was doubled up laughing. "There---there was that story where Circe turned you into pig--" he managed to get out between guffaws.
She pulled him up violently with two fists full of his uniform. She pulled him to her until they were inches apart. Her voice dripped with suppressed violence as she shook him. "We will never, /ever/ bring that up again. Do you understand me?"
He was swallowing his laughter now, but managed a nod before she pushed him away.
"Funny, is it? How about you and Lois? How's the marriage going?"
Suddenly, Kal wasn't laughing anymore.
"What's wrong with Lois and I?
"Speaking of physical interaction problems, how are you dealing with the fact that you have to control yourself everytime you lay with her? Doesn't it wear away at you? Yes, I thought so!"
Superman thought about this and reluctantly had to agree. He loved Lois, but the lovemaking left a lot to be desired. He eyed Diana, wondering where she was going with this. He didn't have to wonder very long.
"We were made to be together. Do you love me, Kal? "
"Yes, of course I do. You know that."
"No, not the best friends stuff they write us into. I mean romantic, passionate love. Do you feel that way about me, Kal? Because I'm not afraid to say it. Kal, I love you."
He thought about it, but for only a moment. He always had to treat Lois like glass, afraid he'd break her. But with Diana... She was a perfect fit in almost every way.
"Yes, Diana" he admitted softly, "I do love you. You know I do, but---"
And that look in her eyes. All the anger was gone, replaced by a different kind of fire. She saw something similar in his eyes. "Oh, the hell with it." She pushed him down to the couch, ripped off her tiara and flung it at the light switch on the wall. The room plunged into darkness.
Minutes later, the couch broke from the strain, but neither of them seemed to notice.