AN: A sequel to "Duly Noted."
Shunsui was having the most fantastic dream. He was training with the busty new shinigami from Division Nine, whose shikai form was, inexplicably, a riding crop. She tapped it against his cheek, then ran it along his jawline. He had expected the leather end of the crop to be smooth, but for some reason it itched. He reached up to push it away.
"Ouch!" Shunsui exclaimed, waking instantly with a stinging finger and his face still itching. There seemed to be a large blur of blue in his field of vision, but he could see that a tiny line of blood was forming on one finger. Carefully pawing for the blue blur with his uninjured hand, he peeled a piece of paper off of his nose, and stuck his bleeding finger in his mouth while he tried to read it.
Your presence is required in the office from the hours of 11am to 3pm today. The quarterly training schedules and transfer applications need to be processed, and must be approved with the captain's seal and submitted before close-of-business.
Shunsui rose from his bed and headed to his bathroom to see if there was anything that would stop his papercut from stinging and leaving tiny stripes of blood all over everything he touched. His clothes for the day were strewn between the futon and the bathroom, but he dared not pick them up for fear of getting blood on his treasured pink kimono and green obi. The blood wouldn't stain his black shinigami robes, but Shunsui wasn't about to go out in public in anything so dreadfully boring, so he left those as well.
In his bathroom, he found a few bottles of after-shave that had been gifts from former lovers (why they thought to give after-shave to a man who kept a permanent smatter of stubble across his jaw was rather beyond him), an empty sake bottle, an almost-empty sake bottle, and another blue paper stuck to the counter next to his toothbrush, which had been rinsed and carefully lined with a light green paste. He lifted the note to squint at the tiny, perfect penmanship.
In addition to the quarterly paperwork, our division will also be under review today by the First Division Work Environment Squad's sexual harassment officer. Again. In the interests of proving to them that our division promotes professional behavior, I thought it best that you not be able to ignite your 40% ABV belches like you did last time (it took me six hours of paperwork to prevent you getting an official censure and a one-week suspension for that). Please use the provided special toothpaste to prevent this happening again, which would be unpleasant for us both, but I assure you, more so for you.
Shunsui petulantly crumpled the note and threw it in the sink, intending to spit on it once he had brushed his teeth with the nasty-looking green toothpaste that reminded him of powdered green tea. Taking the still-stinging finger from his mouth so he could brush, it started bleeding again, and he let the blood drip onto Nanao's note as he lifted the toothbrush to his mouth.
It had a surprisingly pleasant flavor, herbal with a hint of jasmine. He worked the toothbrush over his molars and even his tongue, which Ukitake had often told him he should do to combat bad-breath, but he would never take the time for with that disgusting, blue, sparkly paste with the small amorphous animals printed on the tube that his friend bought for him in the Living World. With a final pass over his front teeth to make sure they had a nice, attractive shine, he spit next to the note instead of directly on it, figuring Nanao deserved at least that much for finding him some decent toothpaste. He opened the medicine cabinet to find a bandage and found that she had left him an entire tube of it, which was printed with little white blossoms instead of cartoon critters. Unfortunately, there were no bandages. Maybe his well-prepared lieutenant would have some in her office.
The Eighth Division had a large grandfather clock in the main entrance, which Shunsui had gotten for a pittance during World War II. It was just beginning to chime as he entered the building, and to his consternation, was still chiming when he made it to the end of the corridor where the offices were - he counted ten chimes, total. Usually it only chimed once or twice.
"I think the clock needs repair, Nanao-chan," he announced, pushing open the door to her office.
"It's working just fine," she replied without looking up from the form she was signing. "It's just that the only hours you usually hear it chime fall between one and three in the afternoon."
"Oh. It does that once for every hour then?"
"You didn't know that? You bought the thing," Nanao retorted, looking up. "Oh gods, Captain, where are your clothes?"
Shunsui shrugged, tugging lightly at the light blue boxers with little silver cranes that he was wearing. "I didn't want to get blood on my uniform."
"And why would you get blood on your uniform," she replied, mortified.
"I cut myself on the note that you snuck into my bedroom to press onto me last night," Shunsui panned, holding up his papercut for her to see.
"Oh for heaven's sake, it's nearly healed already. You could have healed it immediately with kidou, of course."
"I still want a bandage," he insisted. "One of the Hello Kitty ones that Hinamori-chan brought."
"You are not wearing a Hello Kitty band-aid to a professionalism review," Nanao declared.
"Well, in that case, I'm not getting dressed for the professionalism review," Shunsui replied easily. He sat on the edge of the sofa, the button fly of his boxers straining precariously.
Nanao yelped and lunged for a cabinet behind her desk. She threw something at Shunsui, and though her toss went wide as she refused to look in his direction, he caught it easily. The bright pink box of bandages had another of her star-shaped sticky notes on it.
Please do not use all of the Hello Kitty band-aids as fashion accessories, or purposely injure yourself to justify their use. Vice-Captain Hinamori brought them for the younger girls on our squad from the Living World, and they are not easy to replace.
There are plain band-aids for other officers in the first-aid kit, and we still have lots of the Pokemon band-aids that Captain Ukitake got on surplus and distributed to the squads a few years ago.
Shunsui grinned at the note and eagerly peeled it off to open the box. He dumped the bandages into his palm and started sorting through them.
After a few moments, Nanao huffed. "Just pick one! You still need to get dressed and get back here in time for the review."
"I want a Monchan one," Shunsui explained, still looking.
Nanao stomped over and took the band-aids from her captain's hand, flipping quickly through them, picking one, and peeling it open.
"Which one is that?" Shunsui tried to ask, but Nanao grabbed his hand and stuck the bandage firmly around his lacerated finger.
"Deery-Lou," Nanao stated. "I gave the last Monchan to Saito-chan at beginner's kidou class last week. Now go put some clothes on."
Shunsui briefly contemplated the adorable deer before nodding his approval and tapping Nanao lightly on the nose with his bandaged finger. "Thanks, Nanao-chan." Standing up, he stepped towards Nanao to take the rest of the bandages from her. Nanao was too proud of her professional composure to increase the six-inch distance between them, and Shunsui knew she was trying to decide whether to be angry or amused. He peeled open a Keroppi bandage, stuck it across Nanao's nose, handed her the box, and left the office.
Shunsui arrived back at the office promptly at 11:07am, and found one of Nanao's notes stuck to the office door.
I am assuming you will be late, and am meeting the harassment officer at the main gate to give her a tour of the "Positive Workplace Initiatives" we have put in place since her last visit. Please review the copy of these initiatives that I left on your desk and wait for us in the office for your formal review.
If you are late or absent, I will sneak back into your room tonight, give you a thousand more paper cuts, and sprinkle them all with lemon juice and salt.
With a shudder, Shunsui let himself into the office, grabbing the document Nanao had left on his desk and flopping onto the sofa to read it. He found another note on the third page.
Please note that the co-ed restroom on barracks level two has been discovered and permanently converted to a women's restroom, as that floor only has housing for female officers. The sign stating that the co-ed restroom is endorsed by the captain to foster community-building and division morale has been destroyed with extreme prejudice, and will NOT be mentioned at today's review, on pain of ...pain.
As Shunsui was lamenting the loss of what he considered to be progressive personnel policies such as co-ed restrooms and water conservation week, Nanao returned.
He sat up on the sofa and waved the post-it note from the door. "Nanao-chan, this note you left me about sneaking into my room tonight is a little inappropriate, ne? I'd like you to see me after work today so we can discuss your punishment privately."
Nanao shot him a look that would have made Kenpachi nervous. Shunsui relented, putting a hand to his hat in an apologetic gesture.
"Although," he said, brandishing the papers she had left, "since you've clearly done such a wonderful job of promoting equal, appropriate, and professional behavior within our division, I think we can assume you meant nothing untoward. Now, if you would introduce me to your colleague?"
Nanao introduced Miss Kobayashi of the First Division Sexual Harassment Elimination Task Force, and while the officer was distracted with Shunsui's greetings, Nanao made a cut-throat motion towards Shunsui behind the woman's back. They spoke briefly, Shunsui said some charming and diplomatic things about Nanao's new policies, and Kobayashi-san left. As Nanao turned to escort her to the main gate, Shunsui leaned down and whispered in her ear.
"I still intend to see you privately regarding your punishment tonight."
Nanao couldn't exactly hit him with a book or fan in front of a harassment officer, but she definitely planned on dealing her share of the punishment later.