Of Liver and Leeks
A Fruits Basket Fanfiction
Chapter One: Down the Rabbit Hole
Kyo did not enjoy leeks.
Which is why it was hard for him to understand why anyone, especially someone who was as good a cook as Tohru, would even bother trying to render the veggie into an even remotely edible form. Because quite frankly, it was impossible; leeks were obviously not made to be eaten. Who would eat something so….so long and green and repulsive, like some strange frozen-booger popsicle? Which brought another problem; the simple fact that the rat was always trying to find some new way to cram one down his esophagus.
" Since Honda-san has the decency to cook it, you should at least have the decency to eat what she makes." Yuki said coolly as he scooped up a fatty load of leeks in his chopsticks.
"I think you should have the decency to understand 'no means no'"! Kyo remarked acidly as he took a bite of his grilled cheese. The bread was stale and the cheese had a strange blue fuzz on it, but, hey, it was better than the crap Yuki was somehow managing to stomach.
Yuki didn't miss a beat. " Can you even spell decency, stupid cat?"
Kyo glared over his sandwich. It was starting to make him feel ill. He opened his mouth to shoot something snarkily Yuki's way, but his mouth was too clogged with dairy product so he promptly swallowed, and reopened his mouth-
And got a mouth full of poison.
Kyo immediately tried to cough the leeks back up, but Yuki clamped his fingers over his nose, and finally, Kyo was forced to swallow.
He felt like throwing up. No, that was an understatement; he felt like his organs were flipping inside out and eating themselves all over again. The bitter leek taste lingered in the back of his throat no matter how much he coughed or threatened to chuck in the kitchen sink. His insides coiled and twisted as if they too were trying to avoid the disgusting greens. Kyo clutched his stomach and staggered out of his chair, past an awestricken Tohru and amused Shigure. He noted absently that it was starting to get dark and that maybe he should turn a light on in his head when he collided with the kitchen cabinet. The silver knob connected with his forehead and before he could so much as mutter a curse, Kyo slumped to the floor with an unceremonious 'thud'.
Yuki leaned over the table for a better look.
"…….I'm not paying for his hospital bill, right?"
He was falling. Past a myriad of hues, past blues and reds and oranges and pinks and maroons and yellows and even a sickening green-as-leeks color, past random bits of floating furniture eerily similar to those of the Sohma household, and even a very sad looking cow claiming to be named Betsy.
Down, down, down. He was beginning to wonder if the fall would ever end. Really, it was starting to become a bit ridiculous. Betsy was following him now, begging to be milked, and that stupid blue petticoat kept slapping him in the eye-
Kyo looked down at himself for the very first time. He found himself staring down at a blue and white dress much too tight at the hips and not tight enough at the legs. He wiggled his toes and felt them clack against a cold hardness that he presumed to be shoes of some sort. He couldn't see them, because the big stupid dress was fat and all in the way. He glared down at it and bit his lip. This dream was closer to a nightmare. He continued to glare until he realized that he was rather close to the ground now, and it was only a few moments later before he gently landed tip-toed in a field.
" Oh my ears and whickers, I'm late!" Kyo turned. His jaw hit the floor. Standing there in a neon pink leotard with a matching pair of rabbit ears and dance shoes was a being that looked strangely similar to Momoji. Kyo opened his mouth and said the first thing he'd said the entire time he'd been falling.
" What the fu-"
Or tried to, at least, until the Momoji-That-Wasn't kicked him in the shins and shoved a pocket watch in his face.
" Oh, shut up will you, Mary Anne?! I'm late, I'm late, and you're standing in the freakin' way!" Kyo decided then that this was not Momoji as he hissed and grabbed at his shin. " And for a matter of fact, so are you! You aren't dressed, or primped, or anything!" And since Kyo was still at his level, the cheeky little bastard pinched his nose. " Your nose isn't even powdered! Didn't you get the memo? The Queen of Hearts is having a another very merry Unbirthday today, and we still have to get the groceries, presents, and frilly streamers! And get you dressed properly! Honestly, kids these days!"
Kyo pushed the cute menace away from him. " Look, you brat! Stop bossing me around! I'll go where I want, when I want, and right now I just want to get out of here! And, my name is not Mary Anne; it's Kyo, and if you don't stop pulling my arms-"
The-Momoji-That-Wasn't promptly kicked in a much lower place. " Mary Anne, Gloria, Carla, Lindsey- I don't care who you are! I'm late, so let's GO!" He grabbed Kyo's leg and began dragging him through the grass towards a very strange door with a very large proboscis.
Kyo didn't resist this time. He was having trouble breathing.